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[Tenth Speed Writer]

Had my best miners both wounded in a cave-in.

The doctor aborts treating the first to attend a chain of parties.

Which lasts for at least a season.


One hasn't stopped bleeding. The other is horribly infected.

The doctor FINALLY leaves the party... just as the goblins launch an ambush.
The doc, who had been drinking out on the balcony, has his hand grazed by a goblin arrow.


An axedwarf is laying in the floor with spinal cord damage, and the rest of his squad is in triage.
Where's the doctor?

Taking up one of two open beds, demanding to have his scratches cleaned.







... Would magma be too merciful a fate, do you think?

[hjd_uk]

Goblins rushing my fort through the open draw bridge, I order the bridge raised by the civ dwarf sent to do it doesn't get there in time and runs off scared instead. I send my army in to fight the goblins.. and were victorious. At that moment, with my entire army standing on the draw bridge and surrounded by moat, that civ dwarf runs in and pulls the lever...

^_^ fun Times, i just narrowly avoided that myself. I have the need to appoint a "Lever-Operator" dwarf in an Control-Room activity zone .

[Labhras]

Hmm, let's see. I have to say my most memorable facepalm was painstakingly nicknaming every dwarf in a fortress with a population of 70+...only to have a goblin siege appear shortly afterwards. They massacred everyone except the macedwarf, who entered a martial trance and killed around a dozen goblins (there was a lot of blood). His nickname? McFail

[brainfire]

Just realized I haven't had a mason for six months. Tantrum spiral's starting to wrap up, at least... only down to 41 dwarves from ~70.

[zergl]

It all started with the duplicate mayor bug.

The old mayor was getting on my tits with his constant mandates, so I decided that he should have an accident. (first facepalm in hindsight)
Now my nobles screen was dead (couldn't appoint anything new) and my broker died (oops, forgot to unlock the door to the lever room he was operating after he was done).
I was thoroughly annoyed and decided well, maybe a restarting the nobles screen with a new election will fix it and so I arranged an accident for the current mayor.
Because I wasn't sure that this would work I just semi-afk watched the game (watching some tv shows on my other screen while keeping an eye for any game pausing announcements) for almost a year, just occasionally checking that my dorfs still had enough food and booze and micromanaging the odd mood to get the best value out of it, but not doing any real digging, crafting, etc.
It eventually worked (got new mayor and working nobles screen and all), but (second facepalm in hindsight):
This caused tons of idlers.
This caused in turns lots of parties.
This caused a lot of socializing.
Now some dwarfs died and I'm in the middle of a terrible tantrum spiral because everyone was friends with bloody well everyone. Around 20 dorfs are miserable and another 20 are either unhappy or very unhappy and slowly dieing off through melancholy and/or get thrown into jail for breaking stuff constantly.

[Ilyavania]

So I started a fort and everything was fine. Workshops were being set up nicely and life was good. Then one of the fisherdwarfs went into a fey mood and claimed a craftsdwarf workshop. He proceeded to get two logs and subsequently screamed for a tanned hide. Not wanting to slaughter one of my wardogs, I sent out a military dwarf to go a kill a deer, so I could use its hide for the dwarf in the fey mood.

I assigned an iron crossbow for him to use, overlooking the fact I didn't have any bolts. He ran off with the crossbow and attacked the deer, bashing it with the crossbow. The deer got bruised, tried to run away, repeat. The dwarf chased the deer around for 10+ minutes. Me, wondering why it took so long, realized there were no bolts and the blunt damage wasn't actually doing much. The only thing that happened was that the deer lost a hoof and got a bit bruised.

So I decided to make the military dwarf a sword to use, assigned it to him and de-assigned the crossbow. The military dwarf picked up the sword just fine, but didn't drop the crossbow, no matter what I tried. I forbid the item, told him to dump it, but nothing. So I hoped the guy would wise up and actually use the sword instead of the bow and I sent him out again.

The deer was still on the map and the dwarf started to chase it again. After a bit of a chase (I didn't know deer with only three hooves could run so fast...), the dwarf started to attack the deer again, with his crossbow, while holding the sword in his other hand. This proceeded for another 10+ minutes, in which the deer lost an ear and its three other hooves.

After this, the deer was still running, being beaten unconscious every now and then, only to get up and run away again. At this point I threw my hands up and gave up as my military dwarf was starting to starve. So the dwarf went home and I closed off the workshop, waiting for the fey dwarf to go insane or my military dwarf to be done eating, whichever would happen first.

The military dwarf was done eating first, but by that time the deer had somehow found its way off of my map without dying (even though it had no hooves and was bleeding) and a few seconds later the fey dwarf went insane.

The military dwarf did not let go of his crossbow, nor of his sword. The insane dwarf was caught in a cage. The deer survived.

All thanks to blunt damage being quite useless, and the retarded dwarf who would not use the sword over the crossbow even though he had no bolts for it. Gotta love that.

Oh, and poor deer. I really feel for it, that it had to survive all that.

[Rex_Nex]

The Forgotten Beast Imeri Sanenethelo has come! A gigantic blob composed of grime and filth. It has a round shell and it appears to be emaciated. Beware its poisonous gas.


...!...

Urist McMiner, prepare the caveins.

[SpacemanSpiff]

I've always been annoyed with the time taken to cursor around the squads interface to get my militia equipped just right.

2 minutes ago I realized the squads interface is mouse-enabled.

[uber pye]

1st gobo ambush:a bunch of low level lashers easly killed by all my traps
 
a few seconds later...

2nd gobo ambush:a bunch of gobo pikemasters ran thru the trap corrodor (all the traps weren't reset yet) killing a large amount of dwarfs, and then all but one relax around the entrance of my fort
the one that went in started killing dwarfs WITH HIS PIKE IN HIS MOUTH 

SO, I deside to just dig to hell
then they all die 

[Labhras]

A year and a half into my fortress, I get a dwarf that entered a strange mood...it was my miner, who was at Grand Master mining and Dwarf therapist said he only needed under 200 xp to get to legendary. He claims a mason's workshop, gathers two rocks and some crappy opals and makes a door...and becomes a legendary miner.

[Eric Blank]

1st gobo ambush:a bunch of low level lashers easly killed by all my traps
 
a few seconds later...

2nd gobo ambush:a bunch of gobo pikemasters ran thru the trap corrodor (all the traps weren't reset yet) killing a large amount of dwarfs, and then all but one relax around the entrance of my fort
the one that went in started killing dwarfs WITH HIS PIKE IN HIS MOUTH 

SO, I deside to just dig to hell
then they all die 

Looks like the gobbos became truly sentient, realized how badly the military is bugged and the general difficulty of defense, and made a bet that one of them could defeat your fort without using his hands.

[TheDarkEnigma]

I've already mentioned this in another thread, but it's quite fitting here, so I'll re-iterate.

It was my fort's first year and I was trying to train my military up to be something respectable before they got eaten by goblins. Figuring real animals would make excellent experience for my already proficient wrestlers, I sent my 3 military Dwarves out to kill a deer. What happens? Deer breaks the first Dwarf's finger, while taking only minor damage. Then the deer HEALS itself, breaks a second Dwarf's elbow (who promptly passes out from pain), and runs headlong into my fortress, through two sets of stone traps. These traps break both of its front legs and its lower spine, but the deer, who I shall henceforce refer to as Bambo, plows on, beats back the two military Dwarves still desperately trying to kill it, and runs amok in the fortress, disrupting workers and the like - all on two legs!

I loaded my save back before that deer could humiliate my military any further.

[Deathworks]

Hi!

I just had a huge facepalm on a meta-game level.

After discarding the first world in 31.04 because all the sites I wanted came with aquifers, my first fortress in 31.04 suffered from no turtles resulting in 2 out of 4 artifacts failing making me give up on that fortress/world.

The next fortress again had no turtles. And even though I had 3 successful moods and no losses, I gave up on this after some experimentation in acquiring shells.

Now, I genned another world to find again that there are no turtles on my site. I am still in my first year and I like the site (although absolutely flat, it started out with the pools frozen - something that has become rare for me in 31.xx and which will come in handy as it does have an aquifer down there somewhere). And just as I saved, I suddenly remembered that there is the [ARTIFACTS:] setting -> major face palm

Deathworks

[Eagle_eye]

what's changed in .04 from .03? and my most recent facepalm: accidentally trading 10000 urists worth of gem encrusted metal bolts to the elves for a sock. they really should include a failsafe when you hit t

[Mr Frog]

I nearly lost a fortress to an early siege because my military kept getting knocked on their butts by a horde of stray cows while attempting to navigate a hallway.