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[Reverie]

My Miner got stuck on a Tree.
He was one of the starting seven dorfs 
When i found him he was heavily starting and was very very very... thirsty.
I told Urist McWoodChopper to chop tree down where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
Urist McWoodChopperLazyFatty was Sleeping in his bedroom and i told his Cousin to do it.
Urist Not McWoodChopper chopped down tree where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
A Falling log fell on the Miner's Stomach and bruising his guts!
Miner died from dehydration... (ﾟﾛﾟ〃).....
It was inevitable.....

Just to let you know that i was embarked in a Savage biome where there was giant flies around. for some reason the when dwarves see a giant fly on top of their heads they will chase the fly and they would climb a tree and get stuck there...

Lesson learned... Chop all the trees because the dwarves get stuck on trees because they are like cats that get stuck on trees on fireman stories in RL. even though it will make the elves mad. the elves can enjoy their magma bath when trapped on top of a tree...

This sounds like a twisted childrens' book.

   'Urist McWoodChopper, will you cut down this tree to save my friend?'
But Urist is sleeping, and can not cut down the tree right now. Maybe his cousin can help?
   'Will you cut down this tree to save my friend, cousin of Urist?'

...etc.

[Player111444]

This sounds like a twisted childrens' book.

   'Urist McWoodChopper, will you cut down this tree to save my friend?'
But Urist is sleeping, and can not cut down the tree right now. Maybe his cousin can help?
   'Will you cut down this tree to save my friend, cousin of Urist?'

...etc.

I don't know why i'm smiling from this... but i was even dying from the inside from this too...

  'And so Urist McWoodChopper's Cousin Not Urist McNotWoodChopper chopped down the tree where Urist McDumbMiner was.
Urist McMiner fell down and a log falled into his body and hits his guts.
  'Urist McDumbMiner died from dehydration and Cousin Not Urist McNotWoodChopper walked away not noticing the dead dwarf behind him.
The end...

Also the tree where miner was stuck in was near a brook to add insult to injury. Did the falling log speed up his hunger and thirst meter when it fell on his guts?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

O = Tree where the miner was stuck in
W = Water

O


WWWWW
WWWWW
WWWWW

Only !!SCIENCE!! will tell if bruising the guts will speed up the hunger and thirst quite alot to death...
 

[FantasticDorf]

My Miner got stuck on a Tree.
He was one of the starting seven dorfs 
When i found him he was heavily starting and was very very very... thirsty.
I told Urist McWoodChopper to chop tree down where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
Urist McWoodChopperLazyFatty was Sleeping in his bedroom and i told his Cousin to do it.
Urist Not McWoodChopper chopped down tree where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
A Falling log fell on the Miner's Stomach and bruising his guts!
Miner died from dehydration... (ﾟﾛﾟ〃).....
It was inevitable.....

Just to let you know that i was embarked in a Savage biome where there was giant flies around. for some reason the when dwarves see a giant fly on top of their heads they will chase the fly and they would climb a tree and get stuck there...

Lesson learned... Chop all the trees because the dwarves get stuck on trees because they are like cats that get stuck on trees on fireman stories in RL. even though it will make the elves mad. the elves can enjoy their magma bath when trapped on top of a tree...

This sounds like a twisted childrens' book.

   'Urist McWoodChopper, will you cut down this tree to save my friend?'
But Urist is sleeping, and can not cut down the tree right now. Maybe his cousin can help?
   'Will you cut down this tree to save my friend, cousin of Urist?'

...etc.

... Reluctantly the lazy grumpy goblin cut down the tree.
Down the last fruit tree in the forest fell.
Everyone in the fortress dehydrated not soon after.
'Where has all the drink gone?'
And the smart little dwarves who went to drink from the river were eaten by hungry carp.
SNAP.
SCREAMING.
SNAP.
SILENCE.
The grumpy goblin was finally happy.

THE END

The moral of the story kids is that one dwarf's life does not matter when a fortress is at stake.

[cochramd]

My Miner got stuck on a Tree.
He was one of the starting seven dorfs 
When i found him he was heavily starting and was very very very... thirsty.
I told Urist McWoodChopper to chop tree down where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
Urist McWoodChopperLazyFatty was Sleeping in his bedroom and i told his Cousin to do it.
Urist Not McWoodChopper chopped down tree where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
A Falling log fell on the Miner's Stomach and bruising his guts!
Miner died from dehydration... (ﾟﾛﾟ〃).....
It was inevitable.....

Just to let you know that i was embarked in a Savage biome where there was giant flies around. for some reason the when dwarves see a giant fly on top of their heads they will chase the fly and they would climb a tree and get stuck there...

Lesson learned... Chop all the trees because the dwarves get stuck on trees because they are like cats that get stuck on trees on fireman stories in RL. even though it will make the elves mad. the elves can enjoy their magma bath when trapped on top of a tree...

This sounds like a twisted childrens' book.

   'Urist McWoodChopper, will you cut down this tree to save my friend?'
But Urist is sleeping, and can not cut down the tree right now. Maybe his cousin can help?
   'Will you cut down this tree to save my friend, cousin of Urist?'

...etc.

... Reluctantly the lazy grumpy goblin cut down the tree.
Down the last fruit tree in the forest fell.
Everyone in the fortress dehydrated not soon after.
'Where has all the drink gone?'
And the smart little dwarves who went to drink from the river were eaten by hungry carp.
SNAP.
SCREAMING.
SNAP.
SILENCE.
The grumpy goblin was finally happy.

THE END

The moral of the story kids is that one dwarf's life does not matter when a fortress is at stake. don't rely on fruit trees as a source of food and/or booze.

That's what I took from it anyways. Though it does raise the question: what embark contains fruit-bearing trees but no crops or garden plants that can be made into booze?

[Player111444]

My Miner got stuck on a Tree.
He was one of the starting seven dorfs 
When i found him he was heavily starting and was very very very... thirsty.
I told Urist McWoodChopper to chop tree down where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
Urist McWoodChopperLazyFatty was Sleeping in his bedroom and i told his Cousin to do it.
Urist Not McWoodChopper chopped down tree where Urist McStupidMinerStuckOnATree Was...
A Falling log fell on the Miner's Stomach and bruising his guts!
Miner died from dehydration... (ﾟﾛﾟ〃).....
It was inevitable.....

Just to let you know that i was embarked in a Savage biome where there was giant flies around. for some reason the when dwarves see a giant fly on top of their heads they will chase the fly and they would climb a tree and get stuck there...

Lesson learned... Chop all the trees because the dwarves get stuck on trees because they are like cats that get stuck on trees on fireman stories in RL. even though it will make the elves mad. the elves can enjoy their magma bath when trapped on top of a tree...

This sounds like a twisted childrens' book.

   'Urist McWoodChopper, will you cut down this tree to save my friend?'
But Urist is sleeping, and can not cut down the tree right now. Maybe his cousin can help?
   'Will you cut down this tree to save my friend, cousin of Urist?'

...etc.

... Reluctantly the lazy grumpy goblin cut down the tree.
Down the last fruit tree in the forest fell.
Everyone in the fortress dehydrated not soon after.
'Where has all the drink gone?'
And the smart little dwarves who went to drink from the river were eaten by hungry carp.
SNAP.
SCREAMING.
SNAP.
SILENCE.
The grumpy goblin was finally happy.

THE END

The moral of the story kids is that one dwarf's life does not matter when a fortress is at stake. don't rely on fruit trees as a source of food and/or booze.

That's what I took from it anyways. Though it does raise the question: what embark contains fruit-bearing trees but no crops or garden plants that can be made into booze?

Armok... What have i done... why im i still smiling from this? you people are insane.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I like it! Go grumpy goblin!

Oh yeah another face palm... different fortress in a different save my militia commander got stuck on top of a tree for no reason. -.-

Spoiler: The Path (click to show/hide)

O = Tree where miner Militia commander was stuck on.
B = Bridge
W = Water AKA River

                 WWWWW
  O          WWWWW
           WWWWWW
         B B B B B B
         B B B B B B
         B B B B B B
         B B B B B B
         B B B B B B
         B B B B B B
             WWWW
             WWWW
             WWWW

The militia commander was a woodcutter though i didn't see her anywhere until a message popped saying that Logem was found dead. Dehydrated. Zoomed in to location. On top of a freaking tree! *facedesk*

[FantasticDorf]

That's what I took from it anyways. Though it does raise the question: what embark contains fruit-bearing trees but no crops or garden plants that can be made into booze?

Perhaps it was a quasi-tundra glacial embark (kids love polar bears) with a few fruit trees that had to be cut down for bypassing a saltwater aquifer, and this all happened during the construction process (or a very inexperienced player) with no cranberries (or means to irrigate) on embark because...

MLG CAVERN CAMPING STRATS RUSH SITE B, NOSCOPE THAT POLAR BEAR 360% MAD CROSSBOW AWP SKILLS, GIT GUD EAT HIS DIVINE DORITO FLESH AND DRINK HIS MOUNTAINDEW BLOOD

Isn't that what kids like nowadays if the media is to be believed?

Also giant icelandic borehole carp in question 

Spoiler: what really happened that the dwarven government doesn't want you to see (click to show/hide)

It was the grumpy Illoominitti were-lizard goblin spy that planned all this, drawing mysterious triangle gem shapes meant to be representing his native dark fortress he was mysteriously exiled from (/sent?) and advised the greedy dwarf king, there is easier and plentiful admantium in the cold north(/or maybe the king is a were-lizard dwarf illoominitti spy?) because the ice cools the lava creating more stone to dig through easily.

Its a conspiracy maaaaan.

[cochramd]

That's what I took from it anyways. Though it does raise the question: what embark contains fruit-bearing trees but no crops or garden plants that can be made into booze?

Perhaps it was a quasi-tundra glacial embark (kids love polar bears) with a few fruit trees that had to be cut down for bypassing a saltwater aquifer, and this all happened during the construction process (or a very inexperienced player) with no cranberries (or means to irrigate) on embark because...

MLG CAVERN CAMPING STRATS RUSH SITE B, NOSCOPE THAT POLAR BEAR 360% MAD CROSSBOW AWP SKILLS, GIT GUD EAT HIS DIVINE DORITO FLESH AND DRINK HIS MOUNTAINDEW BLOOD

Isn't that what kids like nowadays if the media is to be believed?

Also giant icelandic borehole carp in question 

A tundra embark with no bilberries, blueberries or cranberries!? Can such a horrible thing even exist!? And this still doesn't explain what biome with no other brewable plants the fruit trees came from.....

[Libash_Thunderhead]

A cave crocodile wandered out of the cavern and attacked my dwarves. The dwarves knocked it out cold in the tavern and continued their socializing. Occasionally the crocodile came to and the dwarves knocked it out again. They refused to do anything useful due to job interruption...
So I reloaded an old save to see if I could get around the problem.

[SOLDIER First]

You got rid of the best possible dwarven entertainment!?

[khearn]

What useful things did you expect them to do while socializing in a tavern?

Learning to fight?

[NESgamer190]

I had overlooked the leatherworking industry...  d'oh!  Hopefully, I can get a hide for the moody dwarf in time!

[FantasticDorf]

A cave crocodile wandered out of the cavern and attacked my dwarves. The dwarves knocked it out cold in the tavern and continued their socializing. Occasionally the crocodile came to and the dwarves knocked it out again. They refused to do anything useful due to job interruption...
So I reloaded an old save to see if I could get around the problem.

Dwarves only kill creatures in self defence if they have a weapon worthy to do it in hand and they lose aggravation when the animal is severely injured/afraid (war dogs do this too) unless it keeps attacking them in line with starting a bar brawl or something. I can guess its relatable to the 'kill neutral:Only mandated' ethic.

All the macaques that have gotten away with a beating and continued to steal makes my blood boil. I always have a militiadwarf ready early on to finish the job once the animal is unconcious.

[MobRules]

Started my first .6 world. My civ only had a steel anvil, not iron, so I removed it from the embark, figuring I can buy one when the caravan comes in the fall. Not sure how this happened, but apparently I managed to unselect pickaxes as well.

No anvil AND no pickaxes.

OK... at least I have an axe, a bunch of coke, and one piece of stone. So I have glass, clay, and wood with which to build a surface-city until the caravan comes and I can begin the fortress proper.

I'm imagining my starting seven yelling at each other over who's responsibility it was to pack the pickaxes, and who's fault this is.

Edit: dang it, also means no mechanisms.

[Insert_Gnome_Here]

Learnt the hard way to be wary of automining near the edge of caverns. Unless you're careful, they'll dig right into the cavern.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The rock wall has since been added, blocking up the gap, but not before an FB killed 19 or so of my dwarves while I wasn't looking.

[AzyWng]

Learnt the hard way to be wary of automining near the edge of caverns. Unless you're careful, they'll dig right into the cavern.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The rock wall has since been added, blocking up the gap, but not before an FB killed 19 or so of my dwarves while I wasn't looking.

I, on the other hand, have been getting an awful lot of migrants (my fortress is at about 200 right now, give or take twenty or so) while still failing to have breached a cavern.

Ah well.

Finally decided to update DF to .42.06, I've been having a real big trouble trying to remember the names of my notable dwarves so I can get add them to the engravings.

In fact, I've been having trouble managing my dwarves in general (Nothing's died yet, it's just that I'm having trouble assigning designations based on skills and such).