Got a decent military set up, decided to make an attempt to breach my funhouse. Just about the time the miners stop praising each other and start wondering what's up with all the gibbering elves underground, I get a notification regarding some kind of force, having to do with both evil and darkness. Now I'm fighting a two-front war, so I figure it's time to pull the lever to shut the front door, allowing me to focus my chopping on one adversary at a time. Turns out the lever's at the top of the staircase, and the clowns are at the bottom, and it's a race against time for, of all people, my dungeon master, who goes swishing up the stairs in his many cloaks. Just as he gets to the switch room, a hilarious sequence of events result in a dead DM, a smashed lever and more Fun than I'm prepared for. I got to enjoy it all at about 3 FPS, too. I recruit everyone, pass out what armor I have around, and beat back the gobbos, but my champions have all met their depraved ends at the appendages of the deeper enemy, and my militia is handily mopped up, at 3 FPS.
I've got one wounded recruit left, and he's laying in bed wondering whether the slithering, chittering horrors coming down the hall are bringing him a bucket of water. About ten tiles from total fortress loss, I get a message: Turns out our deathtrap in the mountains has been made a barony! Nobles lift their petticoats and step over the mangled corpses and mummies (who smashes coffins, really?), headed for the dining hall with a half-dozen soapmakers and milkers in their wake. I don't even bother recruiting them. I go get a sandwich, come back, and reclaim.