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[StrangeMood]

I got an epic migrant with epic skills, who also got himself elected mayor shortly after arriving.

Turns out he's a vampire. 

[WriterX]

A human vampire diplomat payed my Duke a visit. Needless to say, I kept a squad of fortress guard nearby, making sure nothing funny happened during the meeting.

[Hanslanda]

Mining sweet, sweet iron from around a volcano. I ah... Missed a designation. One moment, everything is fine, the next, a burning legendary miner is running through the mine shafts screaming bloody murder. A oozing pile of magma is slowly filling the vein, pouring toward my staircase. I order the masons to wall off both sides of the vein. One traps himself in, on the wrong side of the wrong side. I have to dig a new way around the whole map to get his dumb ass out of the magma death chamber. And now, everytime I try and mine the ores under or above the magma chamber, I have to do it block by block. Son. Of. A. ... Sow.

[DTF]

Mining sweet, sweet iron from around a volcano. I ah... Missed a designation. One moment, everything is fine, the next, a burning legendary miner is running through the mine shafts screaming bloody murder. A oozing pile of magma is slowly filling the vein, pouring toward my staircase. I order the masons to wall off both sides of the vein. One traps himself in, on the wrong side of the wrong side. I have to dig a new way around the whole map to get his dumb ass out of the magma death chamber. And now, everytime I try and mine the ores under or above the magma chamber, I have to do it block by block. Son. Of. A. ... Sow.

In case you dont know how to turn off the awful auto-pause/zoom when digging near damp or warm stone:
http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/Digging_designation_canceled

[Flying Fortress]

An 'Uninvited Guest' showed up above ground and started walking towards my fort.  At that time I had 0 military and only a few useless cage traps with a drawbridge as a last resort.  I quickly put up the civilian alert and watched as all my dwarfs ran away from the designated burrow. 
I watched as several of my best dwarves ran outside and got the beasts attention and then started running away from him, it was then that I remembered that I never setup the correct burrow settings to give the alert any purpose.  I quickly fixed the problem which put a halt to a all of my work and everyone ran inside.  Just as the ridge went up a caravan encountered the beast and killed it easily. 

A little later in the same fort I was working on digging out some copper veins to get better defenses (only copper, iron, and silver here) I designated a large area and went to work elsewhere in the fort.  I got an announcement saying work was canceled due to dangerous terrain.  I went and checked on it and saw a wall of water sweeping up my legendary miners and pushing them into my magma forge area, my first thought was "Stupid dwarves, why did they dig a wet block without letting me know?"  Then I saw that the water was coming for an underground lake that had already been revealed, so the wet rock was mined because they thought I knew what I was doing.  Guess that'll teach them not to listen to their master. 

[Hanslanda]

Mining sweet, sweet iron from around a volcano. I ah... Missed a designation. One moment, everything is fine, the next, a burning legendary miner is running through the mine shafts screaming bloody murder. A oozing pile of magma is slowly filling the vein, pouring toward my staircase. I order the masons to wall off both sides of the vein. One traps himself in, on the wrong side of the wrong side. I have to dig a new way around the whole map to get his dumb ass out of the magma death chamber. And now, everytime I try and mine the ores under or above the magma chamber, I have to do it block by block. Son. Of. A. ... Sow.

In case you dont know how to turn off the awful auto-pause/zoom when digging near damp or warm stone:
http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/Digging_designation_canceled

Thank you, that is saving me so much time.

[floundericiousWA]

Briefly...

Needing a good amount of soap for injuries...

Have lots of buckets
Have lots of ash
Have lots of lye
Have lots of tallow

CanNOT make soap.  For five in game years. At. All.

Discover that all of the buckets of lye are being put in rock pots in food stockpiles.

...face palm ...

What version are you running?  This was fixed recently.

Indeed.  I upgraded from 34.09 to 34.10 shortly after posting this....

I posted that note to this thread after spending probably 1.5 hours, accumulated over several play sessions, trying to figure out the problem.  I figured it out just before I had to shut down DF to go work on dinner for the fam and had time to post the facepalm I'd just experienced!

It's still not letting me have all my lye back from the food stockpiles...BUT...I've been able to make half a dozen bars of soap and now I'm seeing "soapy bath" good thoughts and the hospital can now prevent infections...so, problem mitigated.

and there was much rejoicing...yaaaaaaaay

  

[greycat]

The autumn dwarven caravan arrived while the summer human caravan was departing.  (Packing those wagons takes months now.)  As the human wagons were heading west, in between my inner and outer walls, they ran headfirst into the dwarven wagons heading east.

I wish I'd taken a screenshot.  The wagons all came to a dead stop, overlapping each other.  I know dwarves and humans aren't the brightest creatures on the planet, but... sheesh.

I resolved the issue by removing a segment of the inner wall.  The dwarven wagons turned north through what used to be the inner wall, and this cleared the path for the human wagons to depart.

[codyorr]

I had a nice fortress next to a waterfall. I nearly flooded the fortress while digging an immense water pit. Then I decided I had learned from the near disaster and dug a channel around the entire walled perimeter. Oops, forgot about that back entrance. At least it killed some monkeys.

[floundericiousWA]

The autumn dwarven caravan arrived while the summer human caravan was departing.  (Packing those wagons takes months now.)  As the human wagons were heading west, in between my inner and outer walls, they ran headfirst into the dwarven wagons heading east.

I wish I'd taken a screenshot.  The wagons all came to a dead stop, overlapping each other.  I know dwarves and humans aren't the brightest creatures on the planet, but... sheesh.

I resolved the issue by removing a segment of the inner wall.  The dwarven wagons turned north through what used to be the inner wall, and this cleared the path for the human wagons to depart.

Is it just me or do caravans have a timer...no matter the delays in getting them in or how long they take to unpack...they will, by armok, start to pack up and leave by a set date..period.

[Clutzy]

Had siege come up when I was havin' to get ready to leave for errands with the family. Well it looked like things were going well so I thought I would just keep things running while I got ready since there were only four goblins left. Shouldn't be a problem. Besides I'll check periodically on it (not). 30 minutes later I come back to find my three named (one the commander) dead, the (now confirmed) injured vampire in the medical bay, and my thriving population of 35 down to seven who are soon to go mad.

FACEPALM-RAGEQUIT.

[WillowLuman]

The MINUTE you look away from DF, something horrible will happen. Though it can be fun to just start a game, set up the stockpile designations and auto-food workings, and just let it run with soundsense.

[Reudh]

You could call that Adam's Law.

DF is like SCP-173 in that the moment you take your eyes off it: BOOM, DF breaks your neck and 134 others and all you can do is weep at the loss of your fort.

[WillowLuman]

The minute you look away, your dwarves do something incredibly stupid without you standing over their shoulder. Alas, we are many releases from

Urist cancels wall self inside magma flow: interrupted by self-preservation.

[Hanslanda]

Goddamnit, and mine just did that a day or two ago. It was... Hilarious.