Okay, this one is going to be done in character.
Overseer: The fort, she does well. We begun mining the bedrooms and dining hall is being smoothed as we speak. So far, no problems since that those snatchers killed a child and kidnapped the other. Well, almost we missed trading with the elves due to a goblin ambush shortly after that and those goblins are still there...
Dwarf: Sir, we have a problem.
Overseer: What is it this time?
Dwarf: Urist McMetalsmith has been taken by a mood.
Overseer: Great. Tell me when he's finished.
Dwarf: Urist McMETALSMITH.
Overseer: *Looks through papers* Oh... we have no smith's workshop or metal bars... so we need a smelter to smelt a least one bar of silver... and... oh... we are out of wood aren't we...
Dwarf: Yessir, the mason is on standby with the wall treatment.
Overseer: Noo... he's fine, we can get this done.
Dwarf: But the wood sir...
Overseer: Look there's a single tree just in front of the main gate. If we can get the wood cutter to cut it down, we'll be good. And the goblin are over on the edge of the land so they won't see him do it.
Dwarf: But isn't this too risky.
Overseer: Nah, we'll be fine. Hand me two copies of form q-P, please.
*Lever is pulled and gate opens.*
Overseer: Okay, I need to watch carefully and sign the form as soon as the log is brought in... wait... what... why is everyone going outside... why! The burrow restriction is still in effect come back! Where are you all going?
Dwarf: To get the elven caravan's stuff.
Overseer: But... the goblins are over there... why are they disregarding the burrow restriction?
Dwarf: Umm... burrow... what burrow?
Overseer: What do you mean what burrow? The Emergency Hidey-Hole burrow I made for our protection!
Dwarf: Oh... but you had that burrow removed... see this form here... you sighed it...
Overseer: *Looks at form... horrified.* No... this is form Double-U-d, I asked for form double d... I didn't want a burrow delete form, I wanted a mining designation form.
Dwarf: Oh... opps.
The goblins entered the fort and killed all those they could reach and mercifully left. There are now 12 out of the 40 we had. I'm am still alive, but I can barely continue living for all the sadness... except... well... At least those engravers finished smooth out this dining hall before they died. It looks gorgeous.
Dwarf: Sir, our mountain homes sent us a caravan.
Overseer: Good. You are now the broker. Go meet them and see to it that you bring some trade goods up.
Broker: Yessir.
*Crash* Suddenly an ambush appears in the middle of the trading hall. The goblins are chased off by the caravan guards, who then leave in a huff. Only 6 of our proud dwarves remain. My friend the broker is dead. So now I wander the empty halls in quiet space. I notice I'm being followed.
Dodok McNewBookkeeper: Expedition Leader, I want to talk to you.
Overseer: Okay, let's go to the dining room then...
Overseer: What seems to be the problem?
Dodok: I... I seen death recently. My son was kidnapped. My daughter's corpse rots outside. My wife's corpse rots gem stockpile. And my baby haunted me this morning.
Overseer: Well... I suppose you should be happy.
Dodok: Ha... ha.. happy?!
Overseer: Look around you. We have enough food to last us 6 years. You have been appointed a noble recently. You have been given a nice office and a better bed room. And sir, look at this legendary dining room in which you sit. And to top it all off, your entire family is dead, so you don't need to worry about anyone else dying. You should be happy.
Dodok: Y... You think... I should.. be... HAPPY! You dare say that to me! You... you... ... argh.... *throws the table across the room* ARGH! *Kicks the chair across the room.* RAWR! ... THAT FELT GOOD!!
Overseer: Feel better.
Dodok: Yes, much. You're right I have ate in a legendary dining room recently. I have slept in a room like a personal palace lately. I have admired a lovely door lately. And throwing that table was icing on the cake. Thanks for the talk.
Overseer: Anytime.
But... alas... we are only six. Our fort has fallen and corpses lay everywhere... so... we do the only thing we can. We start digging graves. As long as dwarves live and breath in these halls, our fort shall not fall. Papertrailed will continue to live another day.
TL/DR:
One child kidnapped by snacher. Later, one child killed by snatcher.
Moody dwarf needed metal, attempt to get metal let the dwarves out.
I accidentally deleted the burrow by forgetting to press ESC key twice and then pressing d for designate.
Dwarves went on suicide parade to get elven caravan's stuff causing the goblins to notice the open gate.
Dwarven caravan shows up and bring 3 goblin ambushes with it that don't appear until my broker sees them in the middle of the room where the trade depot is set up. The caravan guards kill the goblins, but the goblins killed a mule or something so the caravan left. On of the ambushes got too far in though and slaughtered everyone but the final six.
One dwarf, had lost a relative in every previously mentioned event. He wanted some consoling from the expedition leader... and didn't get what he expected. He tantrummed in the dining hall, threw some stuff, and then noticed how much awesome stuff happened to him recently.
After these events, I decided to continue. The fort was getting better and the fixings were going good.
Then migrants show up, none of them had decent skills in anything so managing was mostly going to be a pain in the butt and I put the game down for a while. Like a month or so.
Today, I picked up the fort and managed every back to full working force. After a siege left, I let the dwarves outside to collect bodies for the 20+ ghost that were running around. This actually went without any problems.
I also have a dwarf named 007, he's a mason and I assigned to build a wall. I needed grazing lands for my animals that graze and wasn't going to get it with out a wall. The wall went well. Then 007 went on a mood. He was the only reason I have the door open, but I forgot which dwarf was doing the building. Well, after a bit I noticed and sent a second dwarf on task. THIS WAS MY MISTAKE. I thought the project would get done fast, but didn't pay attention to how much time past when nobody was working on the wall.
A vile force of darkness arrives. SHOO~T! The came blasting in with cross bows blazing and a herd of trolls. They got to my door so fast I was speechless. I had no time at all to retaliate. No time to turtle in either. Then I watch as a flood of dwarves come down the main hallway, see the goblins and start to try to go back. But this was like watching a 10 car pile-up try to avoid machine gun fire. The goblins continued to the living quarters and killed every dwarf they could find. Then they stayed down there checking out the rooms. But... my fort was still going. I check one dwarf. The replacement mason had sealed himself in the grazing area prior to the siege.
The trolls though went and started demolishing my legendary dining room. Though at first I was wondering what they were doing, the trolls formed an odd half rectangle around the tables and chairs and were standing a space away from anything. Then I notice the tables and chairs were breaking.
Then three trolls broke off of the fun and started to walk away. Here. I began to laugh my head off. I realized where they were going. My water reserves were just north of the dining room and connected to the brook on that floor. Hahaha. They busted down the door and the water came bursting out. Then the trolls took their time demolishing everything I built on that floor. Then they headed to the bedrooms and crypt. They start hanging out with the goblins... went water starts poring down in the floor. They can't get out because pressure from above was coming down. They backed away from the water, me laughing as they did. Then... my last dwarf died of dehydration. SHOO~T!
Though I did get one more laugh. I recently found out how to look up info on the wars in Legends Mode (that in itself a facepalm) and looked up the most recent siege. That's when I noticed the name of the war the goblins declared on my fort. "The War of Rapes" I laughed, because from my perspective that is what happened. The goblins overpowered me so often and met so little resistance due to the fact I was constantly trying to get the fort back in order from the first big mistake. A militia wasn't even slightly possible due lack of armor and weapons, which I was attempting to forge. But it all stemmed from that first mistake in my previous post. I needed one piece of wood to get the smelting process started and I blew that. From that point on I just couldn't get the fort quite back to full production due to other mistakes.
Well, at least this was an amusing experience with Dig Deeper Gold.
Author
Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress (Read 2141555 times)