Turn 32Enter a shop selling weird items and haggle with the owner for something interesting.
1- In an amazing display of ballsy audacity, you stride into the shop and order the man at the counter to sell you his wife for your planned harem. He swings at you with a right hook. Roll to Dodge, scary pervert! (5-1) You jump backwards out the door, which he slams and locks. You knock on the door, but he opens it and tells you to piss off. You are no longer admitted, though others are.
Ugh, fine. I'll just try to heal the leg myself with waterfall mist or puppies or some other goodly crap.
I'd say kittens but I'm pretty sure they're inherently evil in this game.
4- You leg nits itself back together because of quantum. It's fine now.
Quantum.
I'll wander around until I happen to find the meeting place I know nothing about, gibbering about trees being an extension of soul-eating extraplaner creatures mortal minds cannot possibly comprehend all the while.
4-1- Despite the fact you are no longer insane, you wander into the town square and gibber for a while. Several serious men listen to what you have to say and run off to start a religion that has nothing to do with you in any way.
I walk to the town square.
You head into the town square. The mayor seemingly materializes out of nowhere as politicians seem to always do and shakes you by the hand firmly.
After some polite conversation, I ask the mayor why he has stopped us.
The mayor, reappearing at your side (what the hell?) nods severely and begins to explain the elven incursions that have occurred in recent months. He points to the north, and the forest, telling you that the elves are supposedly there and seem to have some powerful weapons and artifacts. Mostly the towns weapons, though they made the artifacts themselves. He asks you to return the weapons and help yourselves to any elven creations you find. He also notes that he's rather desperate, so when you weirdos turned up he jumped at the chance to get help. He emphasizes 'weirdos'.
I inspect my new blade for magical benifits outside the shop
4- You notice, after much searching, that this blade functions doubly as a chopping knife.
Oh, and mystical symbols and a mysterious heritage make this blade stronger than a normal blade could ever be. The runes glow in you - oh for God's sake, it's a +1 blade, okay?
+1 to attacks, that is!
I heal the owner's spouse with magic, then go to the mayors office.
5- You manage to utilize your skill and cure the woman of severe diarrhea. Ew. The shopkeeper bear hugs you, sobs about how he won't have to clean the entire privy anymore and presses a 'cure critical wounds' potion into your hands. You then head off to meet the mayor.
I lunge at the smith, slice up a small cut, and offer his blood to my god. oh and yeah, I ask my god to force this dude to make me my swordie.
4+1- You strike! Roll to Dodge! (1-1) The man is nicked on the arm! He looks at you, surprised, and asks "what the hell?". The blood is absorbed into you and you can feel a warmth in your head as your God sups on it. (3) The man jumps upright like a man possessed by a dark God and hands you a
fine looking sword. Your God speaks through his mouth.
"Do it yourself." I subtly pick the lock open and slip inside.
3- You pick the lock and slip inside.
I'll train Shoruke to be extremely springy as well.
3- Shoruke hops about. Well, it's a start.
chicken dance to the mayor
1- You begin to chicken dance and the universal laws of moronic dances comes into play. Your feet turn in to
chicken legs!
I charge my sword with electricity and then slice open the elf. I then drink his blood.
1+1- You so nearly do it! But then, this, like, interesting cloud drifted by and you, like, had to, like, stare at it for a while.
I fly into a rage and try to kick the elf to death.
3- You fly at the elf! Roll to Dodge! (4-2+1) He is struck on the side! (6-1) And explodes in gore! You gain
Kicking powers!As he dies, he releases a mental scream. You can hear it being answered.
Shitshitshit.
OtherShoruke hops about like a retard.
Waiting around or following their respective owners, the many minions of our multitude are drawing odd looks, but nothing more. So far.
The arm attempts to drink the whiskey, but cannot. It then attempts to sob in dispare but cannot. It collapses.
Poll
12 (80%)
Author
Topic: Dungeon crawling delight! Turn 49: Frelock and Relm - team awesome, team useless (Read 129143 times)