Round 48Ask some passing bitch to help me not bleed anymore.
6. You are groaning in agony when suddenly, you spot a healer walking near you. You shout angrily at her, shaking your fist. "BITCH MAKE ME A
SAMMICH BANDAGE!", you roar, calling your lightning powers to zap the ground inches away from her. She runs over, and quaking in fear, she puts paste over your burns and binds your wounds. In her haste, she binds them a little too well... you're starting to feel
woozy... +2 to intimidation.
Retrieve sword. Deliver finishing blow (to ent).
4. You get your sword.
Intimidate Ent to give Lear a better chance.
5+5=10!!! YOU SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THE ENT, EVEN THOUGH HE IS A PLANT AND TECHNICALLY DOES NOT DEFECATE. ANYWAYS HE EXPLODES IN FEAR. PRETTY COOL BRO.
+7 to intimidation, +7 to being a badass
I shoot a large fireball at the ent.
4. You stand in awe of Frelock's incredible skill. You ponder the fact that he has 5 strong abilities, while you have one. You cry a little.
Finish off the goblin.
5+1=6. You attack the goblin
so hard that you bring yourself out of unconsciousness through sheer force of will, ignore your heavy wounds, and slice his head off in one clean shot. Unfortunately, your incredible exertion has put you into a
coma.
How about a nice game of chess?
5. You bring out your handy-dandy chess board and play with Death. He opens with the Sicilian's Defense, but you counter that with Morton's Right Honourable Gambit, taking his queen and three pawns. Flustered, he attempts a Xanatos Roulette Desperado, but he makes a mistake, and you easily take both his rooks, and follow up with King Jocular's Superfluous Condominium. His subsequent Something-Or-Other Gambit is quickly destroyed by your Jargon Mumble Something, taking blah things chess. He obscure term things other things what I don't even things again knights bishops gambits en passant castling more things, and what is this forks spoons Zwischenzugs pins skewer!!!! You triumphantly shout "Checkmate", and Death, sobbing, hands you a
Mighty Trombone Of Eternal Life.
Er, well, I just practise shooting flames fueled by anger, frustration and global warming.
6. Your rage makes you adept at flaming people! You shout "THAT'S AN AD HOMINEM, YOU'RE STUPID" and "LOL U RELLY THINK THAT?!" to imaginary foes. However, your imaginary opponents counter your arguments, which only enrages you more. You fly into a
rage, and gain 2 xp to insult fighting.
I think a non-illusionary GIANT SWORD OF DEATH above my foe might be amusing.
4+1=5. You create a huge sword miles above the oliphaunt. It plummets through the atmosphere, and reaches terminal velocity. As it hits the oliphaunt, the sword explodes through sheer heat, destroying the oliphaunt completely and making a massive crater. The other oliphaunts, soiling themselves in fear, run away forever, and the traders come back, overjoyed. A dwarf runs out. "I am the mayor of Shipassassinated. I would like to thank you for ridding us of our oliphaunt problem. Here is our most precious artifact, Voboklira The Feet of Hurting!" He hands you a *giant cave spider silk sock* covered with spikes, studded with gems and engraved with pictures of itself. You stare at it for a moment, then punch him in the stomach. "Ow! All right, all right!" He leaves, and returns with an
artifact mayoral sword. +2 to summoning.
Retreat to a (relatively) safe distance and fire crossbow at the ent's eye in an attempt to blind him.
5. You fire your crossbow at the Ent's eye, even though he's dead. 5! The bolt hits him right in the eye, killing him
even more! 1. However, your second shot hits you in the arm, and you have a
wounded arm. Darn.
Poll
12 (80%)
Author
Topic: Dungeon crawling delight! Turn 49: Frelock and Relm - team awesome, team useless (Read 128659 times)