Round 45Break the Ent's spirit by saying I put my d**k in his mom's knothole and I cut down his dad.
6. You insult the Ent horribly. He is stunned, making it easier to attack him, but he will attack you with
entish rage the first chance he gets!
I accept their offer to escort them. I examine my water of wateriness.
You examine your water of wateriness. Surprisingly, it is water. It is very watery. You think the merchants might have watered it down, actually. They
would, the scrooges.
You leave for the dwarven outposts to trade for goods. "Where are we headed?" you wonder. "We be going to tha outpost of Shipassassinated, laddie. 'Tis rumored there be zombie Oliphaunts there. Very dangerous, but their bones are very valuable. Tha dwarves in tha mountainhomes pay upwards of a thousand gold coins for a single oliphaunt bone-encrusted oliphaunt bone bolt. And tha dwarves there give them away for mere plump helmets and dwarven wine, hah!"
You ponder such vast amounts of wealth. The money you could make... you daydream, then doze off. Suddenly, a dwarf shakes you awake. "Zombie Oliphaunt!" he screams. You watch in horror as the oliphaunt barrels toward your caravan...
I valiantly stride forward and render the ent into a number of 2x4s equal to the number of 2x4s that could be produced from an ent.
Leaping forward, you strike at the Ent with your sonic blade!
2+1(swordsman)+1(stunned)=4. You get in a mediocre slice. +1 xp. 3+1=4. The Ent manages to dodge your poor attack.
Ride into town and heal Errol
4+1(strong healer)=5. You patch up Errol completely, even regenerating his leg. In fact, you heal his leg so well that he now has a
mighty leg! +2 xp to healer and regeneration.
Hold interlopers with the power of my mind.
2. You manage to use your powerful mental skills to send a message to Relm's subconscious. Unfortunately, you got distracted, and the message was "yo, global warming is bad".
I will use Diplomacy to get the Ent on our side.
3. You light a cigarette, then attempt to use Sleuth Diplomacy. Pulling out your weapon, you discover that it is only a Ring of Keys. What the heck?
I search the town for magic items, like spellbooks or magic armor. 
5! Your long days of searching have not been in vain. You find a
spellbook of locate, a
ring of lesser healing, and an
enchanted breastplate! You become better at searching.
I attempt to become less stunned
5. Through sheer will alone, you force your legs to work again. Ahahahahah! Victory is yours!
i stab him in the eyes
1 (I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, SERIOUSLY). You try to stab the goblin in the eyes with your dagger, but instead drop it! You will have to spend a turn picking it up.
EVENTS
Don Juan fires upon the Ent! 5+1=6. The force of his mighty blast is so powerful that it knocks him onto his back. 4+1=5. The Ent rolls aside easily.
The Ent charges at Gruffy and (6+1=6) smashes his fist into the ground so hard that it is firmly wedged there, and he will not be able to attack next turn. 2-1=1. Gruffy completely fails to dodge, and his legs are smashed to mush. Gruffy is
heavily wounded and has no legs.
The goblin fires at Phazer. 3+1=4. He shoots a decent shot, though it probably won't strike anything important. 3-1=2. Phazer fails to dodge, and it grazes his shoulder. Phazer is lightly wounded.
El Matador drinks a lot of beer.
Poll
12 (80%)
Author
Topic: Dungeon crawling delight! Turn 49: Frelock and Relm - team awesome, team useless (Read 128764 times)