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[salttotart]

I once lost my legendary record keeper to a mysterious accident involving a Kobold thief.  He became enraged, and was struck down seconds later.  The weird parts are that:

- His office was the furthest part into my fortress, and apart from going next door to pick up some food and then to his dining room (also right next to it) he basically never left it

- He was rather mild mannered

- His wife was left with a serious (red) head injury - but I don't know how

- I never recovered the body of him or the kobold - which would have had to get past 4 entrance dogs, and which didn't seem to have attacked anything else.

So, any ideas on how a kobold can be detected, enter a fortress, assasinate a dwarf deep inside and dispose of his body, knock out his wife and then vanish without a trace (and, apparently, without stealing anything)?

Ooo, assassination conspiracies!  Toady, are you looking at this!?

[Leafsnail]

My other theory was that the kobold injured his wife, then he went down to the carp filled river to get her some water.  However, then it would have had the interrupted by carp message, and I couldn't find his body in the river.

[ProfessorA]

I once lost my legendary record keeper to a mysterious accident involving a Kobold thief.  He became enraged, and was struck down seconds later.  The weird parts are that:

- His office was the furthest part into my fortress, and apart from going next door to pick up some food and then to his dining room (also right next to it) he basically never left it

- He was rather mild mannered

- His wife was left with a serious (red) head injury - but I don't know how

- I never recovered the body of him or the kobold - which would have had to get past 4 entrance dogs, and which didn't seem to have attacked anything else.

So, any ideas on how a kobold can be detected, enter a fortress, assasinate a dwarf deep inside and dispose of his body, knock out his wife and then vanish without a trace (and, apparently, without stealing anything)?

Don't you see, the thief was a red herring.  This is cold blooded murder.
The wife killed him out of jealousy: always spending time in the office, never making time for her... she sustained the head injury when he tried to defend himself.  She brought in the thief to distract the sheriff and the rest of the fort while she made her move.  (Let's just ignore the fact that she could've probably just killed him with less reason and no fear of retribution anyways)

[Vigilant]

I've got a mature fortress. My military strikes fear into the hearts of all invaders and all that, legendary +4 or +5 at work here. So i guess I should have seen this coming. There's a siege going on, and I'm looking around directing everyone every which way to engage the different squads attacking us (I prefer to take a proactive approach). For a moment i'm looking at just a different part of the screen.

I see a hobgoblin FLY by. This isn't just knocked a few feet, he goes across the entire screen, lands a distance off screen. I back track a bit, at least another screen and a half up (granted I had this in the 80/25 grid since i was in windowed form for a while), my dwarves are happily slaughtering the invaders. Apparently sending them flying football field length distances sometimes.

My reaction "AHHH! Flying Hobgoblins!"

[Simmura McCrea]

A fairly mature fortress fought off a goblin seige with only two losses (both recruited seconds before), so I thought I was pretty safe. Then the dragon came. He slaughtered 8 dwarves who didn't get inside in time (including a baby) the settle down outside to wait. Along comes a Fortress guard armed wih a crossbow. I think "Nine." He fires one shot and removed the dragons heart and lungs. I promptly gave him a huge tomb fileld with masterpiece statues. He's still alive, but damn, that must have looked badass.

[redacted123]

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[Village_Idiot]

My other theory was that the kobold injured his wife, then he went down to the carp filled river to get her some water.  However, then it would have had the interrupted by carp message, and I couldn't find his body in the river.

It's a lot easier than that. The recordkeeper was simply a kobold in disguise, finally throwing of his cloak because in his daily routine the only thing he could steal was food. In a fit of rage he tried to kill the foul women he was forced to marry with. It all makes sense now!

On topic, I got this relatively well-faring fortress, just got my 200th dwarf, everything is going fine.

Then a Goblin siege comes by, I deploy my usual routine of ordering everyone inside and lowering the main gate to let the goblins crawl through my terribly long trap back-entrance filled with whips flails and obsidian sowrds. However noone comes to pull the lever. The goblin army advances steadily towards my gates, while everyone is to busy eating, sleeping, drinking, partying, and getting set on fire because the magma pipe was the fastest way to the booze...

In a desperate attempt to delay the inevetible I set out my entire poorly trained and poorly equiped military. To my suprise they marginally defeat the goblin hordes, with a total of 5 survivors, of which 2 bleed to death just seconds after the goblins left. The remaining 3 stumble back to the barracks, one of which had both arms cut, another had his right leg cut of, and a third was missing his left eye and kidney   Besides that they both had numerous yellow or red injuries.

At the exact moment they cross the main bridge, on which I stationed my mayor and some legendary dwarves to congratulate the now elite/hero's some idiot (I think it was the philosopher) is suddenly reminded of the fact that the lever behind the main bridge still needs pulling....

Even more unfortunate I had rerouted my underground river filled with bloodthirsty pike under the bridge. The entire river run red with blood (well atleast for about 20-30 squares)

This fort eventually died of a massive tantrum spiral because everyone lost friends due to either the massive slaughter by the goblins, or that by the pike's shortly thereafter.

[Leafsnail]

By the way, regarding the story, I forgot to mention two other things:

1. The books continued to update themselves after my clerk's death (spooky) and him and wife's joint room remained theirs after his death.

2. When I created a coffin, it was assigned to him but no body was brought there.

[Rolan7]

By the way, regarding the story, I forgot to mention two other things:

1. The books continued to update themselves after my clerk's death (spooky) and him and wife's joint room remained theirs after his death.

2. When I created a coffin, it was assigned to him but no body was brought there.

Are you *sure* he's dead?  Sounds like his identical(ly named) twin brother or body double may have met the kobold, outside perhaps, and chased it away for the glory of Armok.  However, in his zeal to protect the hoard from thieving filth, he tripped and fell in a pond.  Nothing unusual there.

As for your real clerk, he's updating your stockpile records in your main dining hall, because he's trying to avoid his wife who, um, is into injuries.  Is she wearing leather armor?  You should probably put her in the military, everyone wins (except the goblins).

[Rockphed]

Once the books are updated, they generally stay that way until you increase a stock 10 fold.

Also, a married couple shares shared rooms so long as at least of them lives.

[Marko]

Not quite one-in-a-million, but pretty damn close (1:2^12 I recon)

One boy, 11 sisters:

[Rockphed]

I don't think I have ener managed to get more than 5 children out of a marriage.  I guess I am just horrible at keeping dwarfs alive.

[Puzzlemaker]

I was dismantling a platform I had built over the entrance to my fortress when I got bored and decided it would be easier to take apart the supports instead of doing it properly. The platform then proceeded to fall. It broke through the only bridge in and out of the fortress, then smashed through about 2 floors before hitting my main high pressure water pipe/corridor. That promptly burst and managed to flood my entire fortress in about 2 minutes and, due to the fact I smashed the bridge, not one dwarf survived.

The mental image I got for this is hilarious.

[Marko]

I don't think I have ener managed to get more than 5 children out of a marriage.  I guess I am just horrible at keeping dwarfs alive.

get a noble couple (or two) and you'll have babies popping out like crazy

[Rockphed]

Oh, I do get noble couples, I just don't manage to get them to last 13 years.  I normally give up on forts before that