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[Urist Mc Dwarf]

Granted, they promptly condensed and became pollution free. And it happened quick enough that nothing died.

I wish to turn to ash

[TamerVirus]

Granted. You are now Ash Ketchum, aged 10 and wannabe Pokemon master

I wish for more death and taxes

[Worldmaster27]

Granted, you get a copy of LCS modded to have taxes.

I wish I could know whether or not a girl liked me.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
The girl That you happen to like happens to like you

I wish for more unbanable forum njanas

[Arcvasti]

Granted. They're actually pretty cool people and use their ninja assassination skills to fund DF for the next 30 years.

I wish for marbles all over the floor.

[Tawa]

Granted. The floor is of a room floating ten thousand light years away that nobody will ever set foot in. Everybody is safe from marble-induced lawsuits.

For now.

I wish your head was a melon.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted,
The girl That you happen to like happens to like you

Granted, "melon" is slang for hyper-intelligent enhanced head case that is indestructible and boosts intelligence.

I wish for logical paradoxes.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
The logical paradoxes entrain you

I wish I knew where tvtropes is

[Aslandus]

It's right here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage
you now hold the secrets of all existence

I wish I had an overcooked grilled cheese sandwich

[NAV]

STILL DELICIOUS

I wish for anarchy.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but for some reason or other people decide to be nice to each other long enough for things to settle down.

I wish for the Earth to turn inside out, magma-ing everyone everywhere.

[Aslandus]

Granted, now the outside world is inside, and the cave civilization that forms surpasses anything to come before it

I wish I didn't own any shirts

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, with the extra exposure to UV rays your body develops a resistance and eventually to cancer and you help cure cancer.

I wish people were thrown under buses hourly.

[Aslandus]

Granted. The epidemic causes funding to be put into flying buses, and collisions between automobiles and humans become nonexistent, saving thousands of lives.

I wish for gratuitous amounts of fire.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, there are quite a few parties at bonfires.

I wish rain was replaced by mortar shells.