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[Lyeos]

Granted, it attacks it's own kind and nobody else.

I wish making the spoilers for everyone playing my RtD's health and inventory wasn't taking up more time than writing the dang update itself.

[Comrade Shamrock]

How am I meant to uncorrupt that? The update takes .0001 seconds to write and is brilliant.

I wish a flaming chicken destroyed Earth.

[Tawa]

Granted. It destroys Earth the Second, which was named that a few seconds ago.

I wish this thread would cease to exist.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, but in doing so it causes several more even better threads to play on.

I wish I was an evil mastermind who failed.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
you failed because you are not very evil at all and your evil minions of yours think that things like talking people out of committing suicide is extremely evil.

I wish for an hopeless boss fight

[Tawa]

Granted. It's hopeless for the boss.

I wish for tea.

[Lyeos]

Granted. It is DELICIOUS.

I wish for radiation sickness.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, you mutate into a human battery and become a source of unlimited power for all humanity.

I wish Earth was struck by a meteor.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, it's composed entirely of ice and strikes in the desert, dissipating into vapor clouds that bring rain to drought-stricken areas.

I wish to be fired out of an air cannon into a wall.

[TamerVirus]

Granted, the wall is padded and so are you. Your cannon antics land you a multi million dollar contract with a renown circus

I wish that I had AIDS

[Alev]

Granted. Using you as a test subject, magical wizard doctors manage to eliminate it.

I wish there was a nuclear war.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. We expend our nuclear weapons to eliminate the alien menace, and as a bonus destroy all space junk.

I wish for my skeleton to split off as a separate being.

[Aslandus]

Granted, it does all your chores and work for you and you are free to sit around reading forums and watching cat videos to your heart's content

I wish my head was stuck in a jar

[Alev]

Granted. the world is finally rid of you. I mean, you headbutt a killer with it and knock him out.

I wish to be decapitated be a train wheel.

[TamerVirus]

Granted, but it turns out that the decapitation was just part of the new Final Destination film that you were starring in. Horror directors are now specifically asking for you to star in their movies.

I wish that the Internet never existed