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[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
you get the exploding in your inventory

I wish to play chess with death and lose because of how good he is at chess

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, but you get tips from Lord Loss and he loves the game.

I wish a grenade could blow up an army

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
and better yet, it can only hurt the enemy troops

I wish for less time

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, but it turns out to be a broken clock

I wish for an exploding monkey of doom.

[Lyeos]

Granted, it's on Pluto, so we're all fine.

I wish I wasn't suddenly regretting joining these forums.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, your regret is slow coming instead.

I wish for the zombie apocalypse.

[Alev]

Granted. You get your sniping skill to Legendary +60

Breaking my skull.

[flabort]

Granted. You broke your skull while you were trying to extract a brain leach. One side effect of extracting a brain leach from your head is that you wind up squeezing this solution out of it that causes yourself to rapidly heal, so after a few minutes of having a broken skull you are as you were before but minus a brain leach! Oh, and the healing also preemptively cured you of your next 27 colds! Yay!

I wish for constraining and stifling laws.

[Alev]

Granted. Constraining or stifling people is now illegal, unless you are being attacked or whatever.

I wish for water laced with poison.

[WillowLuman]

It's poisonous to salmonella, botulism, and typhoid pathogens.

I wish for my house to be swallowed by a sinkhole with me inside.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, it sinks into the fountain of youth.

I wish for a flaming tornado the size of Australia.

[Aslandus]

The flaming tornado is stuck in your basement, giving you free heating forever

I wish the moon was crashing into me

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, but it's really pretty as it does so and your loved ones millions in life assurance payments.

I wish for a psychopath to go on a killing spree in my area.

[TamerVirus]

Granted, he kills all the pests, vermin, and weeds

I wish for eternal sadness

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, people are very sad about death and disease. They stop all wars and lead a medicinal revolution that cures everything, then condemn criminals to endure all their sadness for eternity.

I wish for a more malicious virus.