I was being serious. you don't think so? I'LL GIVE YOU SERIOUS!!!
Chapter 1
Imagine being a walrus in a world run by bagel overlords, cruel fiends who tax the native population everything, including helium for their super awesome blimps! Instead of using the expensive helium, they find free, but explosive, hydrogen to use! They would use airplanes, but in the future, there isn't enough gas to run an airplane for very long, and they've been banned by the walruses for being loud and obnoxious, even though the bagels don’t really care if you have one. Walruses love flying, and they use blimps! Blimps, unlike giant kites and pedal-powered planes, can be controlled, making them the new (really slow) hot rod of the sky.
The actual story here begins in the 38th century, after technological development has been at a standstill for nearly 1500 years. All stories have to have main characters, so here are this story's! Herman is the leader, because he is the most intelligent. He makes decisions. Marv is like Boromir in The Lord of the Rings. He doesn't really do much, but he adds plot development. Waldo is a convict the others helped out of jail. He says he was put in there for dancing too well. Pete is a walrus with a horrifying story to tell... if only he could speak it. Anyway, they're all walruses living in the walrus town of Tuskville. They also own blimps! The X-37 walrus and the Mysterious Pickle. They're nearly the fastest blimps in the world, going at a top speed of 50 miles per hour! This will most likely do something later... But in the mountains north of Tuskville, something strangely strange is happening.
Chapter 2
Deep within the Baygell mountain range, King Mufin gets his angry face on.
“What do we do?” he asked his floral wallpaper. “We haven't done anything super evil in almost 3 weeks!”
“Let's go to war with ourselves!” said his brother, Steve. “We could attack our own citizens to give ourselves an excuse to further torture them! We could even test... the P-Bomb!
(insert dramatic music)
In the quiet town of Tuskville, the guards see a huge army of bagels coming down from the mountains, and towards them. BOOM! For no apparent reason, lightning hits the field outside of Tuskville repeatedly, blowing up a bunch of bagels. All of a sudden, a beam of light comes down, nearly a half-mile across! Slowly at first, but speeding up, a humongous pie falls out of the sky, burying the countryside with a huge cherry-flavored wave! The walruses in their blimps up above can only watch as their city drowns in the edible flood. A cry comes up from a small green zeppelin off to the side, and everyone dramatically flies over.
Chapter 3
“Whatcha yellin' about Herman?” says Marv. “Why are you hollerin' like that? Is your blimp on fire?”
“Nope!” says Herman. “I got a plan! A plan to... save the world dramatically from the evil bagels that attacked us with a huge pie-shaped bomb!”
“They attacked us with a gargantuan pie-shaped bomb?” Asks Waldo, coming up from below decks.
“Yup! And we're gonna fight back and be rebels and wage blimptastic war! We're gonna stick it to the man!”
After arriving in his blimp, Marv says, "The only way to avenge our city that was destroyed by a massive pie shaped bomb is to overthrow the entire bagel civilization!"
Everybody agrees with this, and they begin planning their rebellion. Only a short while in, everyone realizes that they have nothing to fight the bagels with.
Chapter 4
Throughout the rest of the day, blimps were equipped for war, loaded down with cream cheese guns to crush any bagel opposition. Everyone packed snacks stolen from WWXV-era bunkers. This being an old human bunker, the snacks were all artificially flavored. Some fish were found, and they were brought up, even though some were missing. Thus... they were prepared!
Aboard the Walrus, Herman is cookin' up some artificially flavored halibut for his buddies. Meanwhile, Pete cooks up some yummy soup everyone else calls “Fishy Stew” because it tastes fishy. Pete has no name for it, because he can only say “NO” and “ARGH” ever since he got hit in the head by a magic whale he landed while fishing. The whale cursed him to be only able to say two words, but his cooking became awesome. Anyways, on the floor above, Waldo and Marv hear gurgling and grunting from below, and go check it out. They open the kitchen door, and find a horrible scene of chaos and destruction...
Chapter 5
As soon as they opened the door, they saw Pete wrestling with a blob of chunky soup! An orange slimy carrot flew towards Pete's mouth, trying to be eaten, but it couldn't get past Pete's tusks!
“Surrender, fool!” shouts the amorphous brown blob on top of Pete.
“NO!” roars Pete, who smashes his flipper through the beast's stomach, not even making the creature flinch! Without saying anything, Pete knows he can't win against a monster with no brain and that he will achieve the soup’s goal if he tries to bite it, so obviously he has a plan, because you don't fight soup monsters without a plan!
“USE THE FORCE, PETE!” yells Marv, “Let your feelings guide you!”
“I have you now!” screams the beast, unaware Pete obviously has a plan. Using it's psychic abilities, it begins suspecting Pete is thinking of something, so it oozes off to a corner to get ready to defend itself from the awesome plan Pete probably has. Just then, Pete throws a vial of a red substance at it, which causes the beast to first; explode, and second; reform and ooze back into the pot, which now only contains 'Fishy Soup.' Waldo nudges Marv in the ribs and says,
“Is this the first time you've seen him cook?”
Chapter 6
After they fly a bit more, they follow Herman's orders and 'get scootin'. As the fleet moves on, they run low on Pete's seasoning, ‘nah-polm,’ so they decide to land at a Disco with a mini-mart next to it. Herman tells everyone but the scouts to stay aboard, and goes with Pete to pick up some nah-polm while Marv and Waldo go scope out the local disco.
After Waldo and Marv enter the Disco, they see a major opportunity sitting at the raisin bar! Prince Tost, the best bagel dancer in the world, surrounded by his minions! Quickly, they whisper to each other, and together they form a plan! Marv will distract all of Tost's bodyguards with bad humor and stand-up comedy while Waldo fights the first battle for the rebellion. A dance battle! Waldo has been waiting for this a long time, Marv realizes. When they broke him out of jail, Waldo kept talking about how unfair it was that you could be put in jail for dancing too well. Anyways, he walks up to Tost and asks him,
“ARE YOU READY TO DANCE?”
Tost turns around, not recognizing Waldo.
“Yup!” says Tost, who seems unimpressed by Waldo's really loud question.
As the music plays, Waldo does the “walrus” where he does a flipperstand and wiggles his tail. Tost tries to trip him by break dancing, but Waldo flips onto his tail and does “the escalator” almost right on top of Tost, narrowly missing! After dodging, the bagel prince rolls around Waldo, but instead of tripping, Waldo did 'the worm', anticlimactically ending the dance off by squishing the prince of the bagels under his bulk. Waldo turns to face the crowd, who are now breaking free of Marv's spellbinding comedy. As they begin to recognize him, they also start screaming. Waldo grabs Marv and runs out the door.
Chapter 7
As Waldo and Marv leave the disco, Pete and Herman also come out, and all of them run for the boarding ramps. the crowd of bagels run to their own airship, known as the Hindenbagel, the largest flying vessel on planet Earth. Everybody freezes though, after a HUMONGOUS Croissant comes out of the Disco, telling the walruses to surrender the convict. When no convict is forthcoming, He pulls an eleven foot tall walrus out from a box, and holds a loaded teddy bear to the really tall and skinny walrus's head.
“Surrender the convict or I'll shoot the prisoner!” yells the Croissant.
Suddenly, somebody yells, “We don't even know his name!” at the huge bread product, who responds by telling everyone his name is Ethan, and he was been tortured on the rack ever since he was captured running away from the North Dakota slave camps. As soon as he says that though, a young walrus named Mongo shoots him with cream cheese while yelling “Those bagels killed my second cousin twice removed on my mother's side at that filthy camp!”
Ethan runs off and gets onto the Walrus, to be greeted and stuff. Herman says,
"So do ye know how to do anything cool?"
and Ethan responds,
"I know how to grow yummy sky carrots!"
"That’s interesting... let’s get movin’!"
Chapter 8
After liftoff, Herman, pretending to be a commander, orders everyone to put all rudders to starboard, so that they can turn left, and fly straight into the really convenient canyon over to their right. As the blimps turn to face the canyon, the Hindenbagel turns as well, following them and slowly gaining.
“We need to slow em down!”
somebody yells loudly towards Herman. They yelled, because if they whispered, Herman wouldn't have heard them over the massively huge saltwater river conveniently placed below them. Herman hears this (because of it’s volume), so he orders all guns to cheese up the enormous airship following them. The cheese falls short, but the giant airship behind the walrus fleet slows down a tiny bit. Suddenly, a magic whale jumps out of the huge and convenient river, whacking Pete on the head and making him unconscious before falling back into the river. Just as the Hindenbagel is about to catch the walruses, they speed up using a nitrous oxide injection, which would make them appear to explode in a green inferno, but it just puts them inside the convenient canyon.
Chapter 9
As the rebels enter the canyon, they set up an ambush, so that when the huge blimp arrives, it appears that the green explosion only left a couple of blimps. As the zeppelin slowly moves onward, a million blimps come pouring out of a concealed cave, and they start to zoom around at speeds of up to 40mph! Even though they look cool, they don't do much to the Hindenbagel's gondola, so they get shot down by the retaliating Polar Bear guns. The swarm begins to thin out, and the walruses get a little nervous, and all seems lost. Just then, Herman walks into the new sky carrot garden, and sees a small biplane. Wondering why it's there, he is caught off guard when Ethan tackles him, jumps into the biplane, and flies away.
Ethan, zooming through the combat, dodges a flying polar bear. He flies between two blimps, and all of a sudden, his Grandpa Prosser is telling him to stop being stupid, and that he has a lot to live for, but that's only his imagination. He keeps going, because he has nothing to lose! The bagels stole his Adam's apples, his pants, and his right eye! Under heavy fire, he puts his biplane into high gear, before lighting himself on fire using Pete's special spice. Right before he explodes on to the Hindenbagel though, he mumbles “Thank you, Pete.”
Chapter 10
The explosion of hydrogen and walrus knocks all of the rebel blimps into the walls of the canyon. The blimps then explode, causing the canyon to explode, which is fine, because there’s nothing to hide from anymore! The only surviving airships are the Mysterious Pickle and the X-37 Walrus. As at the moment they’re just floating metal deathtraps, they decide to land on a nearby chunk of canyon and repair their gondolas and patch up the holes in their balloons. After landing, Waldo asks the question everyone wasn’t thinking of, but began thinking about as soon as Waldo asked it.
"Where’s Ethan?" he asks. "I ain’t seen him since that humongous explosion!"
"He WAS the explosion!" yells Herman from where he’s patching up the main deck of the Walrus, which has a tusk sticking through it. "I saw a biplane in the sky carrot garden and Ethan flew off in it! I watched him, and he blew himself up and leaped onto the huge bagel airship that was following us aggressively!"
Suddenly, Waldo came up with a plan. The plan was that everybody would sneak into the underground lair of the bagels in gigantic bagel costumes! Nobody likes it though, because seriously, it sounds just like one of those plans you get that works, but doesn’t involve explosions and puns. So, they decide to wing it.
Now that our heroes have a plan that is good, dangerous, and potentially deadly, what will they do next? Who will win? And why is Pete still unconscious?
Chapter 11
Meanwhile, Pete was having private thoughts....
Was he dead? No, he thought, dead people can't think! The last thing he remembered was getting thumped in the head by a magic whale. All of a sudden, a light turned on in his imagination, revealing the magic whale, sitting in a chair while eating chips.
"Hi, name's Henry" says the whale. "What's yours?"
"Uh, I'm Pete." he answers, wondering what's going on.
"I thumped you in the head a few hours ago," says the whale. "I knew you were important, according to the ancient prophecy."
"What ancient prophecy?" asked Pete, unaware he could be some legendary hero reborn or something cool like that.
"I shall tell you the ancient prophecy!" yelled the whale... "Long ago, the world was divided into three factions... The humans were here on this world first, but they were to be the first to leave as well. The Bagels were created by an evil baker, trying to create sentient bagels. his plan eventually worked, but the bagel killed him and duplicated itself, allowing it to create an army massive enough to wipe out humanity. The Walruses were here before the bagels, and they became powerful after the 25th century, when they became sentient. though late coming in becoming a functioning civilization, they evolved faster, allowing them to not be completely wipe out by the bagels. Anyways, the story goes that every few hundred years, a walrus hero arises, who can possibly overthrow the entire bagel army, and let the walruses rise to supremacy!"
"Wow." said Pete, thinking that it would be unlikely he alone could defeat the bagels.
"Now," said the whale, "I have a proposition for you! if you agree to go and win this war, I will grant you 3 magic powers AND let you talk again. you also get to keep your cooking skills for no extra charge!"
"Deal!" exclaimed Pete. "I'd like to... use the force, shoot lasers out of my eyeballs, and turn into Mr. T for short periods of time!"
"Okey dokey then Pete!" said the whale. "Go kick butt! and WAKE UP!!!"
As Pete wakes up, he notices everyone standing on a huge rock, plotting. so he goes over there to hang out with his buddies.
Chapter 12
After Pete hugs everyone dramatically, he is told the plan, which he thinks rocks because he can use his superhero powers the way HE wants to. He then faints. After everyone else wakes him up, Pete says "The Wog is coming! I sensed it with the force!" Of course, everybody knows what the Wog is. It's a gigantic beast with 6 arms, it can breathe fire, and can scream so loud it could deafen anything but a walrus. It generally isn't a good thing for it to be coming towards you. As of recently though, it's been hunting the Walrus hero of the prophecy. (Pete) In order for the prophecy to be fulfilled however, Pete must live, and even if he didn't have to, the creature would get the others at a more inconvenient time, such as when they're disarming a nuclear missile or something. As Pete can sense where it is, he yells, "I will fight the Wog!" before flying off to fight it.
As Pete flies up, up, and away, he hits the Wog in a head on collision, like the iron giant and the nuclear missile. Using his laser eyes, Pete zaps an arm off of the Wog. The Wog, now enraged, uses it's remaining 5 arms to try and rip Pete in half. Using the Force now, Pete catches the arms as they're about to hit him, and flings them back at the Wog repeatedly, shouting, "Stop hitting yourself, Stop hitting yourself!" The Wog breathes fire onto him, but for some weird reason, only his eye falls out. The Wog is hungry, so it decides to eat the eye. Inside the Wog, the eye malfunctions, causing a lasery explosion, forcing the Wog to spiral downward to earth with a deafening (to anything but a walrus) wail. For some weird reason Henry didn't explain to him, Pete absorbs the Wog's powers! He can now breathe fire, fly without the force, and grow 4 extra muscular flippers that could tear a train in half!
Chapter 13
Pete flies down to the ground, to land next to the humongous beast, which inexplicably begins to talk to him.
"Peeete..." the thing wheezed. "I... Am... your distant relative!!!"
"NOOOO!" Pete screams. "I don't look anything like you!"
"Ah, but it is true, Pete! I was the Giant Ogre Walrus long ago, but I was captured by the bagels and they mutated me and did some thing horribly insane! They called me the Wog! which is my initials... backwards! And Pete... free the world from the bagel menace... BEWARE THE BEEEEEAAAAARD!" Pete was confused, but he couldn't ask the monster anything, because the monster died when the remaining rebels landed on it.
"Whoa Pete!" said Waldo. "You got crazy superpowers all of a sudden! I bet nothing can stop us now! Let's go into that mysteriously mysterious cave over on that cliff! I bet we can sleep there without getting rained on!"
As our heroes enter the cave, they are greeted by an old turtle named Cameron, which knows kung-fu and walks on two legs. throughout the (suddenly rainy) night, they tell ghost stories and roast marshmallows. Pete gets a cool purple eye patch to cover his missing laser eye, and the eye patch can protect him from one roundhouse kick to the head. Before they all fall asleep, Herman receives a magic pie from Cameron. "That pie," he said, "can convince anyone to help you. including the man of legend known as the "bearded ninja!" The old guy lets them all hang out for the night, and promises that he will show them all powerful, but very secret, secret weapon in the morning. Pete also learns karate from Cameron, who says that he will need it if he must fulfill the prophecy!
Just as everyone else falls asleep, Pete wonders... "How does EVERYONE but me and my buddies know this prophecy?
Chapter 14
“Rise and shine, you lazy walruses!” yelled the old turtle. “Today I will tell you about the super awesome secret weapon that has been kept secret by being secretly guarded by me!”
As everyone wakes up, The old turtle begins telling them about this 'weapon.' is, and what it can DO.
“The secret (and secretly powerful) weapon is a powerful explosive that looks like a bomb. In fact, it IS a bomb. Not only that, it is THE bomb. It's the most explosive bomb you'll ever see! Actually, you wouldn't see it because it's so explosive, that if you looked at it, your EYES would fall out. As you can't just lug around a huge bomb, this one is travel sized! The radiation from an explosion caused by this bomb could bake COOKIES 4 miles away so fast that they'd be burnt before they were even cooked!”
“Wow.” said Waldo. “That sounds like a really cool bomb, but I think that using a bomb is just ASKING for us to be ambushed, allowing our enemies to bomb the free world!”
“Yeah,” said Cameron, “That would be dumb, and I couldn't give it to you anyways! It's been hidden in a place previously thought to be a good place. Underneath the throne, there is a trapdoor that holds a door, where you must insert a hair from the legendary 'Bearded Ninja', and then you can take it out.”
“Isn't that kind of a BAD place since we can't get to it?” asked Waldo. “I think we should go to the palace and disarm the bomb! But the bearded ninja is said to be invincible, so it'll be hard to get his hair... do you know a way?”
“Yes,” said the turtle. “You have to- *cough* *choke* *die*”
“I guess we'll never know, now that that turtle had heart stopping lung failure!” said Marv. “Let's get moving!”
Chapter 15
Leaving Waldo and the others to guard the blimps, Marv, Pete, and Herman begin walking towards the Baygell mountain range. Using his new powers, Pete flies off towards the mountains, leaving Marv and Herman to catch up. They keep moving, but they keep seeing Manatees in tanks in the corners of their vision, although every time they look, they're nowhere to be found...
As soon as Pete arrives at the mountain fortress, he rips open the huge gate with his super strength! He walks down the single hall, and sees an intersection with a sign. It reads; Left: Throne room. Right:Where the hero of the prophecy should go. As he walks down the right hall, he hears shuffling behind him. A bazillion ninjas run at him, but he makes them all explode using some of his secret spices with a combination of his fiery breath and laser eye. Suddenly, huge hole opens up in the floor below him, and a gigantic red boxing gloves whacks him further down the hall, which has a door labeled: Chuck.
When Marv and Herman are nearly to the destroyed gate, A lone Mana-Tank (manatee-tank) cuts them off, while the rest encircle them.
“Who art thou who encroach upon the field of the flaming walrus?” asked the lead manatee, who seemed larger than the others.
“We are the companions of Pete, the walrus that just flew in, he blew open those gates, and we're here to defeat the bagels and reclaim the world for all blubbery creatures! Are you with us?”
“We shall help you, noble walrus!” shouted the manatee. “Come men, let us BLOW DOWN THIS MOUNTAIN, except for the important part! That will make it more dramatic!”
As the manatees open fire on the mountain, causing dramatic earthquake and explosion sounds, Marv and Herman rush in, to discover huge flipper shaped holes in the walls next to a pile of ninjas. They move down the hall with all the dead ninjas.
Chapter 16
As Marv and Herman open the door labeled 'Chuck', they saw a scene of combat, and what could possibly decide the fate of the world! Pete was fighting Chuck Norris! Chuck could beat any ordinary living thing in the world, but Pete wasn't ordinary. He used his Mr. T powers, so he gained a cool hairdo, a beard, and a lot of shiny golden necklaces around his neck, making his upper torso invincible! Not to mention Pete's numerous super powers, which could each (possibly) catch Mr. Norris off guard! Chuck aimed his foot at Pete's head, but the eye patch he got from Cameron absorbed the blow, and flung it back straight through Chuck's leg, temporarily numbing it. Pete shot a laser out of his other eye, to try and zap Chuck's head. Unfortunately, the bearded ninja caught the laser in his beard and flung it back at Pete. The laser ricocheted off of Pete's new golden armor, and the laser blew open a gas tank, drenching the room in oil. Chuck began throwing chairs, knives, restaurants at Pete, but using the Force, Pete threw them off to the side. He was weakening though, so he got squished by a hamburger stand. Using his super strength, he threw it off of himself, and lit it on fire with his fire breath! The stand hit Chuck, and the room exploded in fire, immolating everyone inside.
Chapter 17
As soon as the smoke cleared, Marv and Herman noticed both combatants were still alive. Remembering the pie of convincing, Herman gave the pie to Chuck Norris, and asked him to help them get the bomb out of it's box, and then use it to hold the bagel king hostage. Chuck agrees, because the pie was very convincing. They make their way to the throne room, only to find that it is locked, and has a 'do not enter' sign on it. As they can't go through a door with that kind of sign on it, Pete lasers a tunnel through the rock around the door, which they then go through. At the other end of the tunnel, King Mufin is enjoying his last few minutes by drinking a milkshake. The Walruses and Chuck enter the room, and Chuck gets the bomb. The back of the bomb says that to deactivate the bomb, one walrus must accompany it into the oven of doom! Herman offers to do it, but the bomb, knowing Herman is too smart to be swayed by it's psychic powers, subtly convinces Marv to take it. Marv grabs the bomb, and runs towards the oven. Unfortunately for the bomb, Marv is also too dumb to listen to it. The door to the oven slams behind them, and they both roast alive in a huge nuclear blast. Herman catches Mufin in a box, and promotes Chuck to “General.” After doing this, Chuck orders all of his remaining ninjas to attack any bagel in the world. Pete gets the Manatees in Tanks (M.I.T) to scourge the mountains, and the Blimps bombard any bagel cities from the air! Using their new military might, and the bagels being confused by not having an overlord, the walruses rule the world! Pete is hailed as a god, and he becomes the guardian of Earth. Will anybody try to overthrow the new Walrus Republic of Freedom and Blubber? I doubt it!
The End?
Not the best, as I rushed the end, but I was the only kid that didn't have to read my whole damn "Creative short Story" out loud.
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