The Fifth Siege of Greatbridge: Shootin' Stuff“All right, Dwarfs, listen up! Out there, just past that bridge, our enemy waits. Among them is Incestspattered, the foul creature who - all of you stop that giggling right now - the foul creature who slew our friend Dunar. Now, vengeance is at hand. Remember, you only have one mantra now: Kill the orc. No matter where you are, kill the orc. When you-
“Excuse me? Mr. Teach?”
“Yes, Atis. What is it.”
“Just to make sure, I mean, I don't want to mess this up, but I am pointing this crossbow thingy the right way, right?”
“Yes, Atis, that is the right direction. Well done.” Teach drew another deep breath. “As I was saying, your mantra will be-” Suddenly, the bridge's gears began to grind, and daylight flooded the hall. Teach rolled his eyes.. “Oh, forget it. Just shoot in the general direction of the ocean, and try not to kill yourself while doing that.”
Later:The first battle had been, to Solon's surprise, a massacre.
Incestspattered had fallen almost immediately, dead at the hands of Teach and Bustedlung. Atis Voicedpapers did surprisingly well, killing five orcs on her own, all while carrying her infant son on her back, just next to her quiver. That she hadn't mistaken one for the other during the fighting was, Solon reflected, pretty damn lucky. The last thing she needed was for her soldiers to start flinging babies around.
Meanwhile, by the upper gate:
There were far more orcs out on the fields than even Teach had expected.
Most of the new recruits, Atis excepted, were looking very nervous. He considered trying to raise morale by shouting something like “The thicker the wheat, the easier it is to reap!”, but it'd probably go over everyone's head. He settled on. “Orcs over there. Note that it is the opposite direction of the way we were shooting before. Try to remember that, boys. Now... fire!”
As the dwarfs did just that, and as orcs began to fall all around, Teach himself began to worry. It wasn't just the fact that the creatures still seemed completely unfazed by the heavy fire. It wasn't just the sight of the orc with a bolt through each eye, laughing as if it were a wonderful joke. (Though that wasn't helping) It was the fact that, after losing nearly a third of their number, not a single orc had made any move to run. If it kept up much longer... “Out of bolts over here!” Atis called out.
“Yeah, Same here” Renna said. “Er... what do we do once that happens?”
Teach shrugged. He hadn't quite expected this. “I supppose, now we wait. Can't do much else.” There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.
“Well, I'm going to throw stuff at them,” Atis said. She picked a small rock up and threw it towards the remaining orcs. It made a satisfying ping sound as it bounced off a helmet. “There! It's good to feel useful for once!” Teach sighed, and went down to report to Solon. She wouldn't be too happy about this.