Finally got around to writin' up some of the story. I'm pretty sure it'll come to a bloody end when winter arrives, what with the orcs and all. Oh well.
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Part 1: Ze beginningGrimes’ journal, 1st Granite, early spring, Year 1And so, after many months of hardship and non-stop marching, my six companions and I have finally arrived at the site of the legendary dragon, One Sulostrasa Slusa Etog, or, as I’ve come to call him, One Eye. OK, maybe I exhaggerated the "months" part. A list of my partners, for future use (old age memory, y'know?):
Rubak Lubbezif, lumberjack
Tamun Adulticu, lumberjack
Domi Begustruslot, our specialized builder
Alle Tirinlasiv, the infamous innkeeper
Daslut Kamdepin, farmer
Aspa Acalemoth, smith
“Why, Grimes,” you may ask, “what in Armok’s fluffy, blood soaked beard happened that inspired you to go near a dragon’s lair!?”
Nothing happened, my foolish friend. I am a man of opportunity, and when this particular opportunity arose, I grabbed it by the balls. The king has begun a competition for adventurers all across the lands to slay One Eye. The prize? The hand of the king’s beautiful daughter. But where will they stay the night before they set out on their quest? In the nearby cave? Nonsense! They will stay in an inn of the finest quality, where they can rest their tired bones before confronting the fearsome One Eye. An inn, yes. But not just any inn… The DRAGONSLAYERS inn! ¤¤¤, here I come!
Grimes’ journal, 12th GraniteI have ordered my colleagues to begin the construction of the inn. Two are building, and one is cutting down trees to supply them with wood. I have also told Alle, the innkeeper, to begin gathering plants. They don’t really seem too pleased that I’m acting like the one in charge, saying that this is a joint venture.
I tell them where they can shove their “joint venture”. Pshh! Some people have a nerve.
Grimes’ journal, 13th Slate, mid springToday, we all fell asleep on the dirt within the space of a few moments. I still haven’t removed the stains from my coat! Later, we set up a trade depot and began making some booze using some seeds we have lying around the farm plots. I look forward to a nice, warm, refreshing mug of…
Sewer brew… Fuck.
Grimes’ journal, 3rd Felsite, late springOne of our “skilled” carpenters nailed his foot to the floor today, and as he was trying to pull himself free, his assistant walled him off from the rest of the world with a well placed wall. Although it was hilarious listening to the man scream, I’ve ordered that the wall be removed. The inn won’t build itself, y’know.
Grimes’ journal, 1st Hematite, early summerOnce again, we all slept in the dirt. And, once again, I spent days cleaning out the stains. Clearly, there will be few comforts while the inn is being built. Speaking of which, the second floor has been built. We will use this as a dormitory of sorts. My office will be on the floor above it. Oh, even thinking about a comfy office all to myself makes me drool. It will certainly be better than sleeping in the mud with all of my sweaty, shit talking companions.
Grimes’ journal, 14th HematiteA caravan has finally arrived! They are cutting a group of rhesus macaques to pieces as I speak, which were probably on their way to steal some of the… Valuable… Artefacts… From our site. Ahem.
Oh lord… No! You fools! Keep away from the dragon! Why am I writing this down on paper instead of shouting it out loud!?
Two of the goods hauling merchants were burned alive in One Eye’s dragon fire, along with their mules. This is bad news indeed. Normally, I’d just be glad about getting free stuff out of the remains, but the deaths scared off the big, awesome-filled caravans. Curse you, One Eye! Curse you and your big, moneymaking ass! To hell!
Grimes’ journal, 1st Malachite, mid summerAhhh. There was a bit of a hiccup on the trading front, today. The trade liaison was not deterred by the fearsome dragon, and decided to come over to discuss our state of affairs over a nice, slime covered mug of sewer brew. Ugh. Anywho, halfway through, I had to go for a whiz. When I came back, he was gone! The cheek! This is an outrage! An outrage, I say! He’d left a note saying that it was not healthy to break the ties between our little outpost – outpost, not inn! – and the mighty human empire. Or something along those lines.
That bastard…
Grimes’ journal, 4th MalachiteRemind me never to piss off Alle. Her years of inn keeping have obviously left her with a taste for blood. That’s right, blood! Today, one of our neighbours (a batman) came over from the nearby cave. I don’t really know what it was doing, but it was flapping its wings a lot and screeching, too. Alle promptly pounded him into a fine paste on the ground, turned her back and muttered:
“Don’t piss me off.”
As previously mentioned, I’m inclined to agree with this statement.
She’s warned the rest of us to keep a look out for more.
What a badass!
Grimes’ journal, 3rd Galena, late summerCustomers!
Five adventurers, and three drunken layabouts looking for a drink. Two of these tried to cover up their uselessness by pretending to have experience in gem cutting and setting. Well, I hope they like sewer brew!
Adventurer’s diary, 3rd GalenaThe time has come for greatness! After months of training (which consisted of going to the bar every day for a huge barrel of booze), showing off my bulging biceps to everyone in town and just generally being useless, I set out to find the “Dragonslayers inn”, and from there the fearsome fluffy wambler “One Eye”. Why the king wants such an innocent animal put down is beyond me, but hey! Free hot princess for the guy who does it! I don’t know how I’m going to go about actually DOING it, but maybe it will, like, just feep itself to death or something. I really, really hate blood.
Grimes’ journal, 4th GalenaApparently, the king has taken this as an opportunity to get rid of the sissies in his cities, as well as the romantics, making One Eye out to be a harmless fluffy wambler who is so sick it can’t even feep anymore. It needs to be taken out of its misery, he says. I like his style. More business for me! After getting the wannabe heroes to pay rent for the next several years, I pointed them in the general direction of the bat cave. In preparation, I said. The pansies objected fiercely, but my reasoning brought them to see things from my point of view. And by reasoning, I mean “Getting Alle and the mighty woodcutter to pull up their sleeves”. To my surprise, they killed all of the batmen without any hassle. At least it’s another threat out of the way.
Grimes’ journal, 14th GalenaThey’re all dead... The trees, I mean. That's sure to get under the skin of those fat fucks of elves. The woodcutter has killed hundreds of trees now, by my reckoning. His skill has grown so much that it only takes him about two seconds to chop down even one! What a guy. What a man. What a hero! Yes, things are starting to look up for this inn.
Oh, yeah! Nearly forgot. The adventurers were all mercilessly slaughtered by the dragon.
Grimes’ journal, 18th GalenaA cat has adopted me. Gotta say, I’ve never been much of a cat man myself. Maybe I’ll just butc-
Grimes cancels write: interrupted by cat mind control------------------------------------------------
Yes, I'm allergic to screenshots
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Topic: Dragonslayers Inn(LSD) (Read 4796 times)