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[Peewee]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Begone, ye cursed rationality! Begone with all your good choices and hygienic tendencies!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Unsatisfied with answer, the monk decides to knock the mayor unconscious.
He rolls a Natural 20. Excited, he rolls to confirm. Another Natural 20! Awesome! Someone brings up the variant rule that states if you roll 2 Nat 20s and confirm, it's an auto-kill.

We all laugh at the idea of killing someone with non-lethal damage. The monk rolls.

Natural. Twenty.

There is an uproar from the table and high-fives all around. All, as you might have guessed by now, except for the DM. He looks furious. Apparently, we just killed the mayor, despite it being non-lethal damage. Our laughter dies into unsure looks and muttered "what?"s.

The DM describes how the mayor crumples to the ground, dead.
"But thankfully," the DM says, moving an identical miniature into the space. "The town's back-up mayor is still alive."

We chuckle.

He was serious.

See if you can ever, ever site those.

Breaks rule 2. The exit is over there, sir.

[woose1]

Heh, I just read about the bottom one on the forum a minute ago.  That was on some other D&D forum.

What? Where?

Breaks rule 2. The exit is over there, sir.

This is what I say to your 'rules', my good man!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

i think ill come,.

Draw thy rapier, knave! (Or not.)

[ToonyMan]

Heh, I just read about the bottom one on the forum a minute ago.  That was on some other D&D forum.

What? Where?

http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=37635.0

[woose1]

Damn. That's a coincidence.

Alright, here's another one:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"

From the Simpsons.

[Peewee]

(Deep.  Deeeeeeep....)

...said the goblin, as they threw him into the chasm.

Every end of a tentacle demon is the business end of a tentacle demon. It laughs at global recession.

This dungeon brought to you by Pointlessly Large Excavation Productions (PLEP) and really fast dwarves.  Have a nice day.   

_{The management will take absolutely no responsibility for interactions with inhabitants not wearing the PLEP "Have A Nice Day" Badges.  In the case that such a creature is encountered it is recommended that you drop your weapon and attempt to neutralize it by applying a nice warm hug.  If this fails, a satisfaction associate will be along shortly to loot your equipment and notify your next of kin.}

[Muz]

Toady One looking for phalluses:

Wait, are there dicks...? I don't see dicks...  I'd hate to ask people to point them out.

I wanted to quote the HellMOO thread, but maaan.. everything there can be taken out of context.

[Peewee]

It's really more of a cake than a pie.

No, that's definitely a pie.

A naughty pie.

With sprinkles!

WHAT PART OF RRRHHHFFFGL DON'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?

I love how almost everybody would be imprisoned if they talked like this in real life.

[Shadowex3]

Urist McNutcase has developed a compulsion to jam anything colored blue up his anus, or alternately other peoples anuses.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

While suggesting a more in-depth insanity system for failed moods and the like: "I'm imagining crazed dwarves doing profoundly weird things. Urist McNutcase has developed a compulsion to jam anything colored blue up his anus, or alternately other peoples anuses"

[Jerick]

...Although I did suplex someone down the side of a hill, which was pretty 1337.

Taken from another forum I frequent.
http://www.infinity-universe.com/Infinity/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=75&topic=11819.msg260163#msg260163

[Peewee]

... see the whole wide beneath your feet.

from the mission status bit of the September '09 report

[Typoman]

well uhm...

<Debaser> "OM NOM NOM, CHICKED PERIOD"

Spoiler: context (click to show/hide)

<Debaser> Guys
<Debaser> Here is an important life lesson
<Debaser> If someone comes up to you while you are eating egg at a mcdonalds
<Debaser> And says "You're eating chicken period"
<Debaser> Do NOT go
<Debaser> "OM NOM NOM, CHICKED PERIOD"
<Debaser> And smear it all over your face
<Debaser> Thats ANOTHER damn mcdonalds I can't go into

[ToonyMan]

I guess I just told Duke to kill himself if he were female.

I totally dodged that rule so we can revive this.

[Shoruke]

...so now I'm going to just climb onto my desk now, and I need all of you to watch these balls drop.

In physics class, my professer was demonstrating the rules of freefall using two ball bearings of different sizes.

[FluffyToast J]

Well, I realise this is a slight necro, but this was rather awesome, and I dont want to start another thread.

Out of context:

[Manifold1]: Damn right. I seriously have no idea how I have such long ones, it doesnt feel long when im in there. *Long pause* I probably couldve worded that better.

In context:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Friend]: Long showers are awesome.

[Manifold1]: Damn right. I seriously have no idea how I have such long ones, it doesnt feel long when im in there. *Long pause* I probably couldve worded that better.

After having a 35 minute shower.

[Cheddarius]

No more sacred duty in all the world exists than for me to allow my white stuff to give new life to as many individuals as possible.

In context:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=45922.msg922137#msg922137
A character in a fortress was talking about bonecrafting and inspiring others through his work - thus "giving them new life" through bone crafts.