I wanted to call this turn '
Faust Errol' (which I'm sure errol at least would understand (and hopefully grin nervously at)) but you can't format titles so yeah.
I create the required materials, or give Digital an explanation how to do so.
I sing a song to help Errol create the materials needed.
| Errol racks his unconscious mind for a way to obtain railroad materials.
SUDDENLY, NIRUR TORIR POSTS A LINK OF DOOM
RAILROADING MATERIALS SWARM INTO THE THREAD LIKE IT'S THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE OR SOMETHING
OH SHIT
A song of summoning springs to mind. Errol and Digital Hellhound begin to sing it. The ground begins to shake, and, like, sulphurous smoke spirals into the sky and stuff.
| And lo, there arose from the ground a beast of hideuos appearance, with the tentacles, and he red skin, and the horns and the lobster claws, and it was all like:
"ROOARGH"
And everyone was all like;
"Oh shit the fucking prophesy is coming to pass"
And Eroll was all like
|;
"Give me some fuel cells, bitch!"
And digital was all like
|;
"Yeah, fuel cells! And some electronics and machine parts!"
And the big monster thing was all like; "ROAARGH", and then errol and digital had all the electronics, machine parts, fuel cells, and metal needed to build their railroads. It also attempted to steal their souls
|, but what with their souls being so shrunken and twisted, it gave up after a while.
And then the big ass monster went on a rampage
| of medium proportions, killing one population point, and doing 4 points of collateral damage to stuff.
This tactical location has gained the penalty; big ass demon (-1 to all rolls that require the absence of monsters and disasters)
Keep working
| The workers, noting notefully the big ass monsters their masters can summon, set to work with a vigour. They finish clearing the rubble, laying the tracks (-8 units of metal, -2 units of machine parts).
|The left over demonic potential leaks into them, making of them Demonic Railtracks (20 units)
I didn't even exist a minute ago, and unlike some RTD's the AI cannot see the future and thus it's actions are not geared to work with previous player or otherwise actions!
| Your petty complaints fall on deaf ears, and the GM heartlessly decides to make you laugh evilly
| You are just railway track, you can't laugh, demonic or no!
(Now available for it-better-be-funny first come first serve actions)
I'll return to the ship, and have somebody unload the spice. I'll also try to get some people to upgrade the ship, hopefully defensively.
| You return to the ship, where you unload the spice yourself.
Unfortunately, people are too busy running away from a giant demon thing to help you do anything, let alone defensively.
I attempt to mutate the pillz into additional minions. Menawhile my current minions will run into the portal I opened and randomly attack the nearest person they find on the other side.
| You attempt to mutate the pillz, but alas! You cannot open the bottle. Even your superior intellect is mystified by it's child-blocking capabilities. You try twisting it, hitting it, and pulling it, but nothing works!
MEANWHILE
|Your MINIONS travel through the portal, into a busy shipping lane. On account of how it is busy there is no lack of things to attack BUT your MINIONS are made of splattered enemy hacker and thus require OXYGEN AND CRAP to survive.
| Fortunately they get caught by a passing
| Merchant brig of some sort. The crew of the Brig
| are all like; OH SHIT SPACE MONSTERS.
I try to ask a random person what the hell is going on.
| You try your very hardest to ask someone what is going on.
| You jump off the Morning Star and ask
everyone you see what is going on. The answer is usually along the lines of;
"Shit man there is a fucking huge satan thing are you blind or something?"
| Suddenly a man runs up to you and punches you in the face.
| he knocks you unconscious.
You awake later in a dark room, tied to a beanbag.
A voice in the shadows reliably informs you that no one expects the Monty Python reference in the middle of an RTD. You mumble through your gag (did I mention you were gagged) that
everyone expects such references and indeed many people were wondering wtf was taking them so long.
I get all the prophecy I can from Tinkerchap II. If he refuses, I'll threaten him.
| You briefly consider threatening Tinkerchap when you recall that he knows barely a few dozen extra lines of the prophesy, most of which are irrelevant! Ha ha!
You walk off, laughing to yourself.
Tinkerchap takes the opportunity to, as we say in Dutchlands, pear him. That is, he runs off.
I request a reality roll!
| Same as always.
I myself will once again disembark the Morning Star, and methodically check each building in search of a prophesy display.
You already have a prophesy display!
You instead decide to hack the exceedingly large evil otherworldly being running around.
| You manage to make a connection with the ethereal monstrosity. It's thoughts are, however, to ethereal and monsterous to comprehend, let alone hack.
A flash, and your prophesy display flashes up;
BIG ASS MONSTER DEMON GIANT THING
6/6/6 Bam. class
Standard battle: Personnel
No penalty for duelling
Bonus: -1 to enemy morale, +2 to defence against magic.
Notes: This creature is a Bam. class. Bam stands for Big Ass Monster.
Well how about that.
Anywho, your value editor.
| The value editor scoots around hacking defences, looking for a weak one. It finally finds one merely defended by three BNCR-201's, and engages in contact.
..#......
..#......
.B#......
..#......
..B.....V
..#......
.B#......
..#......
..#......
(#=firewall)
Wait shit this is not the normal battle mode!
Shit guys, this is a personnel battle!
Let's see then.
Shoruke's Value Editor:
3/5/4 Prg. class (+1/0/0 bonus to Shp. class in ship combat)
Standard battle: Duelling
Bonus: Disguise (Must initiate combat)
BNCR-201:
1/3/3 Prg. class
Standard battle: Duelling
THESE PEOPLE ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF YOUR HONED BATTLE SYSTEMS
trip balls
| You steer your vessel under the legs of a giant volleyball. As it steps forwards, it stumbles, falling down into the bright liquid. You laugh at your shenanigans, until you see several fins heading towards it. The volleyball thrashes, crying in pain, and you see the water turn red. It slowly sinks beneath the waves. A terrible feeling of terribleness comes upon you.Fortunately, with that, you return to sanity. You are now unconscious.
Statuses:
Hollowed-out asteroid. No exits barring the various static portals. The 'surface' is filled with shacks, factories, and mooring towers. There is no obvious center of population, although mooring towers appear to be centers of commerce. There is a big ass demon rampaging around. Population: unknown. Many ships.
Tactical location!
Resource generation: d3 metal
Refinement: d6 spice to drugs. Req. .1 chemicals per process.
Production: Repairs (1 metal, 1 building materials) (complete in 6 turns)
Population: 4, morale 4. Total productive power; 4.
Bonuses: Hidden entrance (no random invasions, +50% defence). Homeland [Prophet Pirates] (+2 morale).
Penalties: Big ass demon (-1 to all rolls that require the absence of monsters and disasters)
Governor: Pyromaniac (+10% all military unit production. +10% defence. +15% magical production. -2 prophesy score.)
Units: Warship fleet (Fairly leaderless, fairly confused (-1 morale), 6/5/3), Warship fleet (6/5/3), smuggler (Hidden, 1/2/7), Morning Star (unique vessel, 2/2/4).
Inventory: Prophesy display.
Wizard. Speciality: Fire magic. Shielded?
Spells: Fireball(+1?), heal(+2?)
Damage: scar across back
Location: Unknown.
Notes: Stressed the fuck out.
Prophesy level: Involved.
Space sloop. Orange and white/grey colour scheme. Max crew 8. Basic cargo hold for 200 units of goods. Three basic laser cannons: Port, starboard, and front. Armour plating (+1 to damage rolls) (One armour plate loose). 'Long nine' plasma blaster (long range, -1 to enemy damage rolls)(Reinforced). Deluxe computer terminal: Linked to all other equipment.
'Alternative computer use'- A beginner's guide to hacking: on hard drive.
'Shoruke's value editor: In combat someplace.
Machine parts (1 unit).
Very strong chest (blasted open). Contents: Nothing
Has a scrap-metal mechanised training dummy. (+1 to lightsaber training. Still won't become an expert using this, but you will become pretty good).
Parked in the side of a factory.
Inventory: 2 generator.
Cunning disguiseSkills: Value editor (and 4 bits). Novice (and 2 bits) defensive code user. Dabbling (and a bit) psychologist. Dabbling navigator. Dabbling (and a 2 bits) hacker.
Damage: None
Notes: The status of computers is unclear. May or may not be concious. Upgraded (+1 to roles?). Human mind. All vestiges of free will destroyed by subliminal images of stuff.
Inventory: Basic clothing, Round-lightsaber-shield with built in snack dispenser (cyan)(radioactive: roll to risk mutation (6 only), then roll to determine mutation nature) built in teleporter portal creator. Second orb (required for setting coordinates of destination for lightshield portal). Big thick book about wormhole use (read). 2 GOO MINIONS. Suicide pills (in unbreachable bottle).
Skills: Dabbling(and 2 bits) computer user. Novice lightsabereer. Novice logic-user. Dabbling thrower. Mechanic (and 3 bits). Dabbling (and a bit) matter-creator. Scientist (and a bit). Dabbling (and a bit) rope work type fellow. Competent (and a bit) Portaller. Mage (and 2 bits). Dabbling (and a bit) party-thrower
Injury: No left arm. Which begs the question how you do stuff like read a book :/ Ah, whatever.
Notes: You know how to modify/repair lightsabers. Energised. Slightly grotesque head. Genius: +1 to intelligence based role, further +1 to sixes. Smells of unflowers
Inventory: Basic clothing, lightsaber (yellow), (own) nose (glued to face, upside down)
Skills: Dabbling lightsabereer. A tiny bit agile. Proficient (and a 2 bits) Mage. Dabbling (and a bit) sneaker. Flyer (and a 3 bits). Dabbling thief. Dabbling (and 2 bits) searcher. Novice (and a bit) Magdic. Dabbling demonic chanter.
Damage: Bad cut. Fairly painless hole in arm. Caved-in-face. No nose. Improved sight.
Spells: Antimatter shield? Antimatter blast. Antimatter bomb. Air-bubble.
Notes: You cannot sense shininess. You know the general background of the system. Smells of unflowers.
Location: Railroad site
Inventory: Basic clothing, covered with bandages, lightsaber (orange). Broken lightsaber (green). Diagrams of the galleon. Plans for a ship which can be made from scrap metal. Prophesy display
Skills: Fairly strong, lightsabereer (and a 5 bits), fairly agile indeed. Dabbling kidnapper. Competent (and 5 bits) Mechanic. Novice searcher. Novice map-maker. Dabbling (and 2 bits) diagram-maker. Dabbling gunner. Dabbling grappler. Fairly black-hearted. Dabbling (and 2 bits) meditater.
Damage: None
Notes: You know how to repair the galleon. Mummified. Smells of unflowers. In a meditative state.
Prophesy level: Involved
Location: Tinkerchap II's random crap store
Inventory: Basic clothing. Lightsaber (white). Trading for dummies infamous pirates. Antimatter shield? Improvised golf club (Summons thunder+high winds). Expensive black blindfold. Golf balls. Bear leather cloak. Anti-pain pills (crateload of). Pamphlet (see turn 27). 20 units of spice.
Skills:Novice (and a bit) Gunner. Novice grappler. Dabbling looter. A bit tough. Novice (and a bit) merchant. Order-giver. Dabbling (and a bit) computer user. Novice (and a 2 bits) rouser. Navigator (and a 3 bits). Novice lightsabereer. Golfer (and a 2 bits). Novice swashbuckler. Golf-Mage (and three bits). Novice Poser.
Spells: Terminal velocity golf-balls. Great golfing weather.
Notes: Captain of the Morning Star. Smells of unflowers and dead family.
Prophesy level: The big cheese
Location: Morning Star
Inventory: Piratey clothing. 2 deluxe lightsabers (short, 'the force' auto retrieval, stylish black handle thingies, colour modification (free action). Current colours: purple and purple), lockpicks, eyepatch of sight (+1 accuracy), enchantment suit (+1 to agility rolls). Prophesy display
Skills:Competent stealth, Competent lightsaberer (dual wielding), merchant, sailor (free), gunner (free), lockpicker, talker (and 2 bits), novice mage, novice scryer, novice hacker.
Damage: Light bruising.
Notes: Expects Spanish inquisition.
Location: Dark room. Bound to beanbag.
Inventory: Traumatising clothing. Traumatising sign. Encyclopaedia Cyclopia. One Lightsaber (blue). 'It'. Leg-implants (0/1 done).
Skills: Novice (and 3 bits) searcher. Dabbling investigator. Dabbling lightsabereer. Novice (and a 3 bits) 'It' user. Dabbling (and a bit) sneaker. Novice medic. Skilled (and a 2 bits) Scientist. Skilled magic user. Skilled (and a 4 bits) Mechanic. Dabbling (and 2 bits) Demonic chanter.
Damage: Big lump on head
Notes: Knows how to build 'it', a mysterious super weapon. Knows how to make super legs. Only legs do not smell of unflowers. Un-Unconscious (braaains). All skills are unconscious skills.
Location: Railroad site
Inventory: Basic clothing. 200 credits. Plasma blaster. Metal bar. Blue lightsaber.
hat.
pistol (ammo=plenty).
uniform. Prophesy display.
Skills: Sneaker (and a 4 bits). Novice merchant. Medic. Dabbling lockpicker. Gunner. Novice (and 3 bits) searcher. A bit agile. Dabbling (and 2 bits) metal bar wielder. Novice (and 2 bits) plasma blaster wielder. Novice comedian. Swashbuckler (and 2 bits):
Skilled swashbuckler (and a 3 bits). Lightsabereer (and 3 bits). Not navigator:
Novice navigator (and 2 bits). Novice (and 2 bits) Mechanic. Dabbling alchemist.
Damage: None.
Notes: Unconscious
Location: In puddle of own vomit, wrecked factory.
Inventory: Basic clothing. Lightsaber (yellow). Computer components, robot components. Head firewall. Prophesy display. Note (DO NOT READ), weapon (DO NOT FIRE)
Skills: Skilled (and 2 bits) Computer user, novice gunner, Novice (and a bit) investigator. Skilled (and a 2 bits) Hacker. Dabbling (and a bit) lightsabereer. Dabbling (and 2 bits) medic
Damage: Superficial.
Notes: Knows how the laser cannons work. A bit. Knows how the computer terminal was installed. A bit. Knows how the computer terminal works. h4x0r of the Morning Star. Computer mind. Smells of unflowers.
Population: 1 Morale: 1.2 Total productive power; 1
Currently proccessing scrap to building materials.
Current resources: 12 scrap (1/3 to building materials or 1/2 to metal), 3 electronics, 4 metal, 2 machine parts, 2 fuel cells.
Please point out any mistakes.
[/quoet]
[/puoet]
[/quoet]
[/puoet]
[/quoet]
[/rabble]
[/quitee]
[/quote]
Edit: Digital: pwned!
The irony is somewhat that I was infact spending my time doing a bunch of stuff, including tvtropes, and that Nirur posting a link to it gave me the motivation to actually do this instead of that.
...
that story, although short and morally satisfying, is not true in the slightest.LOOK, ZULUS!
Author
Topic: SPACE PIRATES RTD- Chapter 1 (Read 39083 times)