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Author Topic: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...  (Read 4492 times)

Shoruke

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You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« on: March 13, 2009, 05:36:13 pm »

I did a quick search, and I couldn't find a thread that had this. And so, in utter disbelief, I will start it myself.

You've played too much DF when:

-you stay away from cats, not because they're bad luck, or even because there's probably vermin nearby, but because they might explode
-you can construct a building of any size, even though the only thing keeping it up is one pillar
-you lean against the walls of your house in summer, and the wall is hot. There must be magma in your house. You go get some pumping equipment and channel your house out from above, to remove the magma
-you have become cave adapted
-you actually function better when you're drunk
-you stop going to church, instead preferring to worship Toady One the Great
-you only drink alcohol, or well water when there is no alcohol
-you drink only from buckets and barrels. Mugs are decorative toys.
-you put major effort into devising creative, intricate ways to kill politicians, because locking them in their rooms and letting them waste away just isn't creative enough anymore
-you reference dwarf fortress in real life
-you dig beneath your basement and produce crafts in your home, in hopes of giving yourself a fey mood
-you have a furnace in your house, powered by magma, where you make metal weapons just for practice
-you are claustrophobic because you fear the HFS
-you figure the answers to life can be found in life's raw files
-you buy cheap magnets, take them home, and melt them into bars of iron (smelting magnetite)
-your house has ballistae, fortifications, pits, traps, catapults, etc, to protect yourself against goblins. They'll come sometime.
-when studying for a geology test, you consult the matgloss raw files
-no matter how big or strong someone is, you are always able to fit them into a cheap glass cage, and they will never be able to break out. Ever.
-your definition of a bad work day is when you have to carry stuff around
-your muscles are huge from doing your own bookkeeping
-you become stronger, faster, and tougher by learning trade skills
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Dragooble

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2009, 05:43:20 pm »

you make it your mission to destroy all environmentalists, their families, friends, and anyone that look like them. 
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Squeegy

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2009, 05:55:17 pm »

-your house has ballistae, fortifications, pits, traps, catapults, etc, to protect yourself against goblins. They'll come sometime.

-you urge people to live in your house so you can get 80 population and fend off sieges
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cowofdoom78963

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2009, 06:09:06 pm »

-you have a deep fear of water balloon fights.
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SolarShado

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2009, 08:09:01 pm »

-you reference dwarf fortress in real life
I do this all the time, drives my family crazy!

I'm always building DF-style anouncements. My brain does is automaticly...
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Jack_Bread

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2009, 08:14:02 pm »

- you build walls one section at a time
- you bring your family and friends to their bed for having a cut
- you think that the people who are moving into the neighborhood just started existing
- you destroy your house when your pet gets hit by a car

Org

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2009, 08:20:16 pm »

-if something hits you, you yell: "so-and-so hit me in the (insert place hit here), It is mangled!
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R1ck

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2009, 08:38:01 pm »

-Other people start to look like giant 'u's of various colours
-You make glass out of sand from a sandbox, and are surprised when it runs out eventually
-When you want to fight someone, you get a mob of drunks from a bar
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woose1

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2009, 08:41:36 pm »

Is this in the wrong place?
...
aw hell....
-You went to the zoo and had a temper tantrum because you saw an animal you didn't like.
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Shoruke

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2009, 08:47:14 pm »

-You like because of their aloofness, instead of their cuteness
-you refuse to play Zelda games because they have pointy ears, and you HATE hippies
-you think that the smallest measurement of height is ~8 feet
-you can use your own vomit as a projectile weapon... pretty decently, too
-turtle is your favorite food, because it has bones AND a shell
-you search the world over, looking for a place that has a volcano and a freshwater river nearby to build your house
-you name your child something like BridgeClasped
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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2009, 08:49:20 pm »

-Your name, and everyone else you know's name is Urist.
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woose1

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2009, 08:50:40 pm »

-You think you are in a 1 man squad named "The Creamed Swords of Pregnancy".
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cowofdoom78963

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2009, 08:52:09 pm »

-You imagine what a underground fortress of real life dwarves would be like.

(dont deny it, you know you did)
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Shoruke

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2009, 10:13:14 pm »

-if you ever find groundwater, you call in the military to fend off the snakemen who will invariably jump out of the water and attack dwarves people
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The Unforgotten Beast, Shoruke, has come! A pale-skinned human. It has heterochromatic eyes and moves in an unpredictable manner. Beware its rapier wit!

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Re: You've played too much Dwarf Fortress if...
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2009, 11:27:06 am »

-everyday you look for a > . THAR BE DWARVES!
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