I'm not really in the mood, but what has to be done has to be done. So, with that in mind, the rolls.
Yanlin
Attempted Action (AI): I smite NUKE9.13 with heavenly power. (5)
You call upon the powers of Horace, god of cheese, to smite NUKE9.13! (1+2=3) NUKE9.13 is caught off-guard and falls to the ground! (3) He receives several injuries.
Kashyyk
Attempted Action: Using my skill-enhancing trance I learn the theory and the skill needed to clone all the genetic DNA in a creature and then form an exact copy of said creature in the real world. (6+1=6)
You analyze the ways of cloning, and study them intensively. You then create a minor creature in the trance and try to clone it. You succeed and want to call it a day, when suddenly the two creatures clone again. Alarmed, you unsummon them. Apparently, to this way of cloning, there's no brake. (can clone, but the affected creature will clone again every turn until all of the creatures are dead, can apply this to practically everything, can try to stop it but has -1 on it for now)
NUKE9.13
Attempted Action: ROAR.
I throw my fake battle cake at someone.
I just realised that my ability to rally followers of cake behind me should apply to squeegy, with his cake mage skills.
You there, fellow follower of cake! Ally with me, I command it.
(4+1=5)
Getting back on your feet, you throw the cake at Yanlin, the terrible cheese-sympathizer. (6) Yanlin kicks the cake back to you! (6) Not to be outdone, you strike it back with the power of cake! (1) Yanlin clearly didn't expect this! (3) His face has numerous small wounds. They aren't dangerous, however.
Cheetar
Attempted Action: I slash two times at Squeegy. (3)
Thwickety-thwack, you slash at Squeegy, but the shots glance off. Squeegy turns towards you.
Boksi
I attack Squeegy. Preferably in the non-pointy blunt sections. I use every trick I know that might be of use in the fight. (3)
Like Cheetar, your attacks aren't having that much of an effect. However, you skilfully managed to avoid all weapons that are arrayed on Squeegys body.
thunderclan
Attempted Action: I'll try to learn how to summon flames around my sword without harming myself. (5)
You set your sword on fire, and acquire fire resistance to resist the flames. Also, +3 JP.
wehtamjd92
Attempted Action: I wake up. thats it because if im good at using these styles while unconcious try me when im awake. (4-1=3)
You open your eyes, and gain a better foothold as you nearly stumble.
Org
Attempted Action: I attempt to make more zombies. (4-2=2)
Doing that while lying unconscious in a corner with several cracked ribs isn't that easy. You manage nothing, but at least you don't screw anything up.
Squeegy
Attempted Action: Okay then, I attempt to levitate up to the ceiling. (3)
You feebly jump around a bit. (3) (3, no, I don't cheat the rolls) Boksi and Cheetar are pushed back while trying to dodge your weapon-covering. (4) Your blood rage feels a bit weaker. Maybe you should attack.
Background Roll (2): Nothing. At least the 4chan-window closed itself now.
The room goes red, and a voice is heard. It proclaims that from now on training attempts will get -1, and there will be an ADDITIONAL +1 JP to playerkills. Also, check out the door. Major NPCs (such as minibosses) give 10 JP.
StatusYanlin
Status: Fumbling backwards. Light bleeding.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment: Partly brown pants.
Items: Shred of black cloth, Throwing Fake Battle Cake in the face.
Skills:
Novice Awesome,
Dabbling Farter,
Dabbling Gravity Defier.
Abilities:
Can walk on every vertical surface,
slightly impervious to blunt weapons,
Dabbling Cheese Mage.
Effects: None.
JP: 2
Kashyyk
Status: Hovering 50cm above ground in a meditating fashion. Unharmed.
Location: Toilet room.
Equipment: Pants,
Steel hand-and-a-half sword.
Items: Nothing of note.
Skills:
Novice Searcher,
Novice Sun Mage,
Novice Awesome.
Abilities:
Understands the concept of flying,
Uncontrolled Cloning.
Effects:
Trancing.
JP: 0
NUKE9.13
Status: Standing upright. Unharmed.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment: Pants.
Items: Nothing of note.
Skills:
Novice Cake Mage, Dabbling Fake Cake Summoner,
Dabbling Decorative Cake Icer.
Abilities:
Infused with the essence of cake,
menaces with spikes of icing, plated with plates of icing, layered with layers of jam.
Effects:.
JP: 3Cheetar
Status: Standing upright. Unharmed.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment:
Naked,
cool rapier.
Items: Torn trousers, worn t-shirt.
Skills:
Novice Materialless Constructer, Dabbling Dimension Mage,
Novice Rapier User.
Abilities: Nothing of note.
Effects:
Black Hole Trauma.
JP: 0
Boksi
Status: Standing upright. Unharmed.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment: Pants.
Items: Nothing of note.
Skills:
Novice Kicker, Dabbling Dodger, Dabbling Blocker,
Dabbling Ki Dissector.
Abilities: Nothing of note.
Effects: None.
JP: 2
thunderclan
Status: Standing upright. Unharmed.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment: Pants,
Blood-smeared cleric's robe,
!!short sword!!,
spiked boots, Blood spatterings.
Items: Six bricks,
two flies,
a Cleric's corpse,
three torches (-2 to damage, fire roll),
Nunchaku, three throwing cakes,
an Halberd,
a spiked wrecking ball on a chain ,
a Staff of Cheese Summoning,
a Knife of Stabbity Fun,
a repeater crossbow.
Skills:
Dabbling Dodger, Dabbling Puncher,
Novice Fire Mage, Dabbling Searcher.
Abilities:
Fire resistance.
Effects:
Smells,
Has seen it all.
JP: 3
wehtamjd92
Status: Standing upright. Unharmed.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment:
Chainmail bikini.
Items: Pants.
Skills:
Novice Spearman,
Dabbling Macebeard User, Dabbling Puncher.
Abilities:
Mace-beard,
Drunk-Fu,
Moonwalker,
Style of the three-headed monkey.
Effects: None.
JP: 6
Org
Status: Collapsed on the ground. Several cracked ribs.
Location: Computer terminal room.
Equipment:
Power Klaw, Underwear trousers.
Items: Nothing of note.
Skills:
Dabbling Puncher, Dabbling Dodger,
Novice Improvised Material Crafter, Dabbling Death Mage.
Abilities:
Very Strong.
Effects:
Unconscious.
JP: 2
Squeegy
Status: Standing upright. Unharmed. Misses some teeth.
Location: Computer terminal room. Near Boksi and Cheetar.
Equipment: Pants,
Iron war hammer,
stench flavored cheesecake warhammer, covered in (have no effects):
Sword-chucks, three spears,
an ice gun,
an harpoon ,
a Staff of Venom,
an Enchanted Throwing Stick.
Items:
Skills:
Proficient Decorative Cake Froster, Dabbling Searcher,
Proficient Cake MageAbilities:
Learner,
Covered in Weapons,
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD.
Effects:
Made an artifact.
JP: 1
ArtifactsDeliciouspain the Icing of Spikes, an Artifact Cake (Squeegy)
A cake which is adorned with hanging rings of frosting, menaces with spikes of icing and is encrusted with icing. There are two images on the cake. The first image is of a cake. It relates to Deliciouspain the Icing of Spikes, a dwarven wheat cake. The second image is of a dwarf and a cake. The dwarf is making a plaintive gesture. The cake is laughing. This image relates to the death of Urist Daggerheart at the hands of Deliciouspain the Icing of Spikes.
+2 to throwing damage, Irresiastable Smell (currently wrapped)