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[JoshuaFH]

:[
WHY WONT YOU DIE?
I pick up the peasant and throw him into the river. Then I throw stuff at his corpse.

You attempt to throw the man into the river!

Coin Flip: Heads

In a feat of strength, you pick the man up and throw him into the river!



The peasant is no longer on fire. The peasant is drowning. The peasant will drown in 3 turns.

Then a guard, attracted by the ruckus, comes by,



"Hey, what's goin' on here? That peasant is drowning, go help him!"

What do you do?

Here goes nothing...

I say: "Trust me! I know what I'm doing!"

Show Kogan towards the spider (yay for dwarf-tossing).

Wait for the spider to web him.

Pick up stones (knowing dwarven fortresses, there should be ZILLIONS of them). Throw them at the stalactites above the spider, so they will break and impale the spider. Continue until I succeed.

If the spider comes at me, run. Fast.

You reassure the dwarf that you're a Giant Spider killing expert, and goad him into going first.

As you both walk forward, you're caught in the spider's invisible web! You're stuck! (You didn't remember that spider silk is invisible until you're ontop of it? for shame!)



The spider is slowly moving closer to you!

What do you do?

[Iituem]

Convince the guard you have aquaphobia and can't swim, pretend to be an absolute wussy and generally convince him to save the guy instead.

Then, when he's leaning over to fish the guy out, kick the guard wearing all that nice, heavy metal armour in after him.

Then prey to Extremus to set fire to the docks to make the situation even more XTREEM.

[Org]

Push the guard in.

Then, use their bodies to kill others EXTREMELY!

Or something like that.

[cowofdoom78963]

Then a guard, attracted by the ruckus, comes by,
*picture*

"Hey, what's goin' on here? That peasant is drowning, go help him!"

Huh, that seems illogical. As it seems to be common knowledge that peasants cant swim, thus why would the guard as one to go save a drowning man?

[Org]

Wait.

First, bite your finger at him.

Then when he asks "Did you bite your finger at me?", push him.

Then laugh as he yells "A plague o' both your houses!" as he drowns.

[JoshuaFH]

Then a guard, attracted by the ruckus, comes by,
*picture*

"Hey, what's goin' on here? That peasant is drowning, go help him!"

Huh, that seems illogical. As it seems to be common knowledge that peasants cant swim, thus why would the guard as one to go save a drowning man?

Isn't it obvious? The guard has back problems.

[cowofdoom78963]

Then a guard, attracted by the ruckus, comes by,
*picture*

"Hey, what's goin' on here? That peasant is drowning, go help him!"

Huh, that seems illogical. As it seems to be common knowledge that peasants cant swim, thus why would the guard as one to go save a drowning man?

Isn't it obvious? The guard has back problems.

Well... carrying heavy armour he wouldent even be able to swim.

[Emperor_Jonathan]

"Thanks mate."

I go outside and look at my map again.

[Siquo]

Damn my guy is stupid. What part of "shove dwarf" includes "go forward myself"...

Ok, new plan, get out of the silk. As we have little leverage by being stuck, I push myself away, by pushing the dwarf forward, and myself backward. Use my feet if necessary.

I'd pray to Extremus, but never having been in his church, I wouldn't know about his existence at all

[NUKE9.13]

Damn my guy is stupid. What part of "shove dwarf" includes "go forward myself"...

Ok, new plan, get out of the silk. As we have little leverage by being stuck, I push myself away, by pushing the dwarf forward, and myself backward. Use my feet if necessary.

I'd pray to Extremus, but never having been in his church, I wouldn't know about his existence at all

Your situation is pretty extreme. If you just pray in general, he might set fire to the spider.
Or he might set fire to you.

Win/win, amiright?

Anyway: By popular demand, I bite my thumb at the guard.
Then I get a boat paddle and pretend to save the peasant.
The peasant grabs it, and I say, whoa, he's heavy, give us a hand.
The guard helps me, and I let go of the paddle, push him in, and hit him over the head with another paddle.

I do not quote shakespear or anything, because I am but a lowly peasant.

[Siquo]

Yeah well, if I'd pray to extremus, he'd probably set the silk on fire, not the spider... 

[JoshuaFH]

"Thanks mate."

I go outside and look at my map again.

You thank the kind man and go outside and look at your map again, because you can't be bothered to look for it a couple pages back.



What do you do?

Damn my guy is stupid. What part of "shove dwarf" includes "go forward myself"...

Ok, new plan, get out of the silk. As we have little leverage by being stuck, I push myself away, by pushing the dwarf forward, and myself backward. Use my feet if necessary.

I'd pray to Extremus, but never having been in his church, I wouldn't know about his existence at all

You attempt to push yourself out of the web using the dwarf as leverage!

Coin flip: heads

Haha! You successfully escape from the webbing!



The Giant Spider attacks the betrayed dwarf!

Roll: 1 (1 + 2 = 3)

Kogan is dealt 3 damage! Kogan now has 17 hp. Kogan is now in combat. Kogan cannot escape because of the webbing!

Kogan screams,

"You lying cheating fire imp! May the mountains curse your grave!"

Kogan attacks the spider.

Roll: 6

Combo!

Roll: 3

Kogan deals 9 damage to the GCS! the GCS now has 16 hp left!

What do you do?

Damn my guy is stupid. What part of "shove dwarf" includes "go forward myself"...

Ok, new plan, get out of the silk. As we have little leverage by being stuck, I push myself away, by pushing the dwarf forward, and myself backward. Use my feet if necessary.

I'd pray to Extremus, but never having been in his church, I wouldn't know about his existence at all

Your situation is pretty extreme. If you just pray in general, he might set fire to the spider.
Or he might set fire to you.

Win/win, amiright?

Anyway: By popular demand, I bite my thumb at the guard.
Then I get a boat paddle and pretend to save the peasant.
The peasant grabs it, and I say, whoa, he's heavy, give us a hand.
The guard helps me, and I let go of the paddle, push him in, and hit him over the head with another paddle.

I do not quote shakespear or anything, because I am but a lowly peasant.

You bite your thumb at the guard. Your thumb tastes like muddy peasant. Your thumb hurts now. You don't know why you thought that was a good idea.

You step into a boat, and grab a paddle. You try to pretend to save the peasant,



but you can only prod his legs with it. He can't grab onto it because all peasants drown upside-down!

The guard (+4 spear and +4 armor) speaks,

"whatya doin?! Reach down there and grab that peasant now!"

The peasant has 2 more turns before he drowns.

What do you do?

[Emperor_Jonathan]

I go to the Barracks. Might be able to catch up on some sleep!

[NUKE9.13]

Man, I forgot about the lead weights the duke puts in our heads.
Ok, I guess I sort of reach under and flip him the right way up. Then I pull him out.
Then I explain that the peasant is under good care. No worries, I'll make it all better.
Then the guard walks off, yes?

[Siquo]

I say "Relax Kogan! It's part of the plan! You're doing fine!"

Pick up rocks, throw them at the stalactites above the spider, hoping to impale it.