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Author Topic: Writing Workshop!  (Read 19514 times)

wehtamjd92

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #75 on: February 09, 2009, 08:17:49 pm »

Wh did you have to post after I destroyed what was left of my pride by doing as he said.

*goes and sobs in the corner rocking back and forth*
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It takes someone special to put the laughter back in slaughter.

What did you all go and order a dead guy for?

JoshuaFH

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #76 on: February 09, 2009, 08:25:38 pm »

Hey Mr. Gullible, go look up Lemon Party and Tub girl too, they are just the CUTEST and SWEETEST pictures on god's green earth.

I swear.
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Mulch Diggums

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #77 on: February 09, 2009, 10:02:27 pm »

Alrighty then, chapter two of my story. Enjoy?


Chapter Two, A Leap of Faith, Faith and Intoxication.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: February 10, 2009, 08:14:22 pm by Mulch Diggums »
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penguinofhonor

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #78 on: February 09, 2009, 11:38:28 pm »

Hey Mr. Gullible, go look up Lemon Party and Tub girl too, they are just the CUTEST and SWEETEST pictures on god's green earth.

I swear.
Chaoticjosh, you are a cruel yet hilarious man.
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Mulch Diggums

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #79 on: February 10, 2009, 06:45:56 pm »

So, uh, thoughts on my story?
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wehtamjd92

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #80 on: February 10, 2009, 08:09:38 pm »

I still hate you for doing that to me but I liked the second part even better since it fills in the reader on whats happening.
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It takes someone special to put the laughter back in slaughter.

What did you all go and order a dead guy for?

Mulch Diggums

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #81 on: February 10, 2009, 08:16:07 pm »

By the way, EstCow is a small, specialy bred, cave adapted version of the normal human cow. Its smaller (Est means small in the dwarven languge), easier to see because its bread to be pure white, sees better in the dark, and lives off plump helmats and muddy water much better than surface cows. Of course I made all that up :P but yeah.

..Man, this is geting detailed, like, Tolkien detailed.
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penguinofhonor

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #82 on: February 10, 2009, 09:05:26 pm »

Good story. But some spelling and grammar errors here and there. By "here and there" I mean in practically every sentence.

Quote from: Mulch Diggums
"Wow, they must work you guys to death out there in the new mines, how could you stand it Bomrek?"
There's a comma before addressing someone at the end of a sentence. Also that is two sentences, not one. Also, the "could" implies something in the past, while the action is clearly taking place in the present because Bomrek still works in the mines.
It should be "Wow, they must work you guys to death out there in the new mines. How can you stand it, Bomrek?"

Quote from: Mulch Diggums
"Hah, I just have an good work ethic. Like my father and his father before him, I truely am an example of the good working dwarf, braving Animals, caveins, floods, and melted rock all to bring you sissys a stone block."
First off, misspellings: truly, cave-ins, sissies. Those are proper spellings. Also, "animals" should not be capitalized.

Quote from: Mulch Diggums
Reg smiled "I bet the Sewerbrew helps to,eh Bomrek?"
Reg is not smiling his words, so it should be either "Reg smiled. 'I bet...'" or "Reg smiled and said, 'I bet...'". Also, sewer brew is two words. And it's not capitalized, because it's a type of alcohol like wine or gin, not a brand of alcohol. And that "to" should be "too" because it's helping him "as well". And there should be a space in between the comma and "eh" because you put spaces after commas.

I'll do more if you want. I'm a pretty good grammar nazi.
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wehtamjd92

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #83 on: February 10, 2009, 09:07:17 pm »

He is he often shoves my works into ovens because they arn't good enough for him...
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It takes someone special to put the laughter back in slaughter.

What did you all go and order a dead guy for?

penguinofhonor

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #84 on: February 10, 2009, 09:09:17 pm »

If you can't put three words together right, then nobody will publish your work.

Of course, wehtam, in your case the problem is going through an entire paragraph without any punctuation.
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wehtamjd92

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #85 on: February 10, 2009, 09:14:06 pm »

Blah, Blah, Blah...wait what's that I couldn't hear you over all my puntuation.:;!?
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It takes someone special to put the laughter back in slaughter.

What did you all go and order a dead guy for?

penguinofhonor

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #86 on: February 10, 2009, 09:19:32 pm »

Blah, Blah, Blah...wait what's that I couldn't hear you over all my puntuation.:;!?

The irony is that you just painfully merged two sentences into one by forgetting some punctuation that's actually necessary.
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Mulch Diggums

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #87 on: February 10, 2009, 09:25:31 pm »

More grammar mistakes would be nice, spelling mistakes, not so much. I'll be runing this through a spell checker when I feel the need, later on.
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wehtamjd92

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #88 on: February 10, 2009, 09:31:32 pm »

Don't laugh at me I never learned proper english grammar.
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It takes someone special to put the laughter back in slaughter.

What did you all go and order a dead guy for?

deadlycairn

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Re: Writing Workshop!
« Reply #89 on: February 10, 2009, 10:11:06 pm »

I got an idea for my next piece of writing - but it's nothing like the first. Also, the inspiration was schoolwork. I have a feeling nothing good can come of this...
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