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[Cogsmith]

Everyone has a few horror/comedy stories about DF.

In my case my current fortress is disturbing me, in particular the Baron/Count.
He is consistently making "satisfying acquisitions". and getting happy thoughts from them.

I finally decide to see what aquisitions he's been making.

He has managed to gather up about 10 different "restraints"(chains, ropes you name it) and leave them about his room, is wearing 3 different pairs of leather pants, simultaneously, and nothing else. His consort in the meantime has requisitioned every whip the goblins have ever brought.

[Eldin]

Everyone has a few horror/comedy stories about DF.

In my case my current fortress is disturbing me, in particular the Baron/Count.
He is consistently making "satisfying acquisitions". and getting happy thoughts from them.

I finally decide to see what aquisitions he's been making.

He has managed to gather up about 10 different "restraints"(chains, ropes you name it) and leave them about his room, is wearing 3 different pairs of leather pants, simultaneously, and nothing else. His consort in the meantime has requisitioned every whip the goblins have ever brought.

Things like this are simultaneously awesome and terrifying.

[Mulch Diggums]

This is why df is the best game.

[Cheshire Cat]

my king went insane due to a lessers pretentions dining arangements.

he ran around taking his clothes off getting in the way for a while till he jumpet into a really deep channel i had as part of my goblin flushing defence. it was very fatal.

my engravers seemed to like this as i got "this is a picture of the king. the king is falling" all over the walls for the next few years.

one of the few artifact weapons ive ever got was an aluminium spear. then a few years later someone did a cave spider silk thong. on the thong was an image of an aluminium spear.

[Tormy]

I finally decide to see what aquisitions he's been making.

He has managed to gather up about 10 different "restraints"(chains, ropes you name it) and leave them about his room, is wearing 3 different pairs of leather pants, simultaneously, and nothing else. His consort in the meantime has requisitioned every whip the goblins have ever brought.

The bolded out part is hillarious. 

[Danaru]

on the thong was an image of an aluminium spear.

...oh god

[Skorpion]

I just wish nobles wouldn't keep snatching everything. My last fort had most of the trade goods claimed and cluttering the place up.

[Cheshire Cat]

i think its weird the items the exclusively snatch. like, my current hammerer has a million sceptres of different materials and quality. and my tax collecter grabs every single narrow iron low boot that i get from the goblin sieges. both their quarters look silly. you would think they would occasionally get items that are slightly outside their area of interest.

[Foa]

I just wish nobles wouldn't keep snatching everything. My last fort had most of the trade goods claimed and cluttering the place up.

That's why nobles share the same room, so it can be easier to flush them, but then there is the valuable goods that they pile into their section of the room... .

[KaelGotDwarves]

Apparently your dwarves are into BDSM.

*insert awesome.jpg here*

[tacklemcclean]

I just wish nobles wouldn't keep snatching everything. My last fort had most of the trade goods claimed and cluttering the place up.

That's why nobles share the same room, so it can be easier to flush them, but then there is the valuable goods that they pile into their section of the room... .

I guess building your noble room with drowning in mind is good then. I mean, you can fill the room with water, have them drown, and then drain it with hatches. Hatches should be one z level below the room, so you can have floor grates in the room where the water runs out.
Then when you've drowned and drained, all that is left is the bodies and the treasure!

[Cheshire Cat]

yes. i use this on goblins. and merepeople. and whales and things. still havent figured out where the human traders get the whale ivory.

[Xenon]

The fort was coming along nicely. I had everything but a working metal industry, which I planned to change. After a few months of digging around, I finally found magma.
So, I decided to make a tunnel for it to go nicely in to my workshop area. That tunnel hit 6 veins of valuable metals and a few clusters of gems. After another few months of hauling shit out of the way, I finally got things going.
Got everything I need.

Just gotta make a hole... Alright! Magma's flowing! Now wall up the place so the entire fort doesn't get magma'd.

...NO! DON'T GO ON A BREAK!
YOU, OTHER GUY, MAKE A WALL! NO, DON'T GO FOR A GODDAMNED DRINK, BUILD WALL!
THIRD GUY, STOP GOING FOR A DRINK WITH THAT GUY, MAKE WALL!
FOURTH GUY, YOUR SNACK CAN WAIT A FEW MINUTES, JUST BUILD A WALL!

After five more idiots bailed out, someone finally built a wall. Just two tiles from the last place to actually BUILD a wall.
Who built it? Urist McKiddypants, the Legendary Marksdorf's son. And he built it while leaving himself on the magma side.

Tantrum time!
Population fell from 34 to 2. One very blind, very crippled wrestler and one Legendary Marksdorf, sans arms.

The wrestler was probably going to die of thirst and the Marksdorf thought fetching a bucket of water with her teeth was beneath her. Being a Champion and all.

...And then came my first siege.

[Flintus10]

Well I had one poor dwarven woman who after a few months of training was wide-eyed and eager for her first ever battle.

Unfortuantely she was a little too eager and ended up against two goblim bowmen and about 12 wrestlers and swordsman (she was a skilled wrestler herself with very low quality armor) she was shot down almost immediatly however even goblin wrestlers breaking her bones and bowgobs continuously firing into her she refused to die.

Soon her eyes were both shot out and the rest of her body was a mangled heap, thankfully the champions arrived and managed to get her decimated body out of there.

3 years later Zas Unskoleth (I forgot her real last name) the eyeless wrestler was wandering around the fortress once more, naturally I made her a hunter and watched her stumble about trying to wrestle wolves to death before baing ravaged again finishing with mangled arms and a broken leg. But amazingly she was rescued again I mean come on! Now she just stumbles around living life as the fortress's greatest hero...who never killed a single opponent.  (also in the same fort some glass products weren't made so my Count decides to have my only legendary marksdwarf beaten breaking his spine  )

[Randy Gnoman]

I once tamed a pair of Giant Cave Spiders, in what was perhaps my most epic fortress.  I had used the first successfully as a part of siege defense in the past, by merely allowing it to wander around with my hordes of giant bats.  The second, however, had apparently killed a dwarf before being tamed.  I don't know if this bug has been fixed in more recent versions, but it used to be that if you tamed an animal which killed a dwarf before taming, your dwarves were perfectly comfortable with it- but it was still hungry for dwarven flesh. 

So:  we all know about the awesome power of Giant Cave spiders.  Now, picture one which is totally immune to traps, utterly ignored by your military, and tends to hang out in the dining room.

EDIT:  It might be fair for me to note that I did save-scum, and was lucky enough to get to a point before the spider gained its taste for dwarven blood.  So the horror of the story is tempered by my cheating...