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[LegoLord]

   It is the first of Timber, in the year 105, the fifth year of the quickly-growing new fort known to many merchants as the Axe of Authority.  The merchants from the mountainhomes are getting ready to leave.  Ezum Paintedtrade, the fort’s clerk, is talking with the head merchant, Urist.

   “This has to be the best deal we’ve had in forty years,” said Urist.  “By Armok, how did you get all this Giant Cave Spider silk?”
   “Trade secret, my friend,” said Ezum.  “Can’t be tellin’ ya that now, can I?”  He winked at the leader of the fort’s marksdwarf squad, Morul Bellstired the Branded Lamentation.
   “Of course.  It does all seem a bit of a tight fit for a dwarf, though.”
   “Yeah, well, we got ourselves a good weaver, yes?  But that don’t mean the tailor’s any good.  Just some novice from some outer province.  Teh be honest, I think he’s a short humie.  Hasn’t got much of a beard.”
   As the merchants left, Urist looked into the fort’s dry moat.  Or what had been a dry moat.  He ran back to Ezum.
   “Ezum, there’s trouble in your moat!”
   “Aye?  Is there now?  Some one didn’t go walkin’ in after pullin’ the lever again, did they?  You'd think they'd learn after what happened to Chappy.  Stuck in bed fer ages.  Survived by jumpin' in the reservoir we use for irrigatin' the fields.”
   “Lever?  No, there’s magma in the moat.”
   “Aye, and the problem is . . . ?”
   “There’s stone in there!  You have to do something!”

   “‘Tis only a bit of stone.  Thar’s plenty more where that came from, don’tcha worry.  We’ve got ourselves the three legendary miners.”
   “Three?  But I’ve only ever hear of Old Rakust, and he was buried last year after he went too close to the carp.”
   “Ya no hearda Chappy?  Ah well.  This be a new fort, yes?  Needs lotso new space dug out, yes?  Miner’s here be busy.  Not many come ‘cause they all be workin’ in the old mines.  Our men be learnin’ fast”

   Urist thought quickly.  This was his caravan’s first visit to the Axe of Authority.  He had just earned over 2000 dollars from a fort with no economy.  They had three legendary miners, and a seemingly endless supply of Giant Spider silk.  They had just given him 3000 dollars worth of offerings to the king.  No fort he had ever been to had bothered so much.  He had heard of one of the new forts repeatedly offering large sums to the king, but never imagined it to be quite so large.  They also had lots of metal.  Lots.  He’d seen an animal trap made out of platinum. 
   The baron of his town would like this place.

   *Crunch*

   Urist looked at what he had stepped on.  It looked like a tiny horse, but it was shiny.  It could have fit on his palm.  He had broken off one its hind legs.  Or leg, rather.  It now had none, and only one was on the ground.
   “Er, sorry about that.  This wasn’t anyone’s pet, was it?”
   “Naw, just old Iden’s pet horse minifigure.  He got killed by Skakdi bowmen.  That poor little tyke lost ‘is legs to the things arrow.  Nice shots on those Skakdi, I’ll give the beasts that.  We ken hardly bear to watch the poor thing.  ‘S why we’re building that green glass tower on yonder hill.  Gonna put it down.  Lit'rally.  We need more plastic anyway, we’re trying to make a statoo gardin’ out o’ the stuff.  To bad no one’s knowing how to make.”
   “Ah.  Well, I better be off, then,” said Urist thoroughly disturbed and enticed.  With that, he
ran off before Ezum could say anything else.

I had started out with this fort and thought it was a cool spot.  Then I started doing awesome stuff with it.  I just had to start a story.  There are a lot of spots open here.  We have a population at about 112, last I checked.  I'm playing with the LEGO mod.  The location we're on has an underground river, chasm, and magma pipe, all discovered.  There's also HFS, but I'm not going to touch that for awhile.  We have five legendary pump operators ready to start military training, and three marksdwarves that haven't been named yet.  Everyone but Chappy the miner, the Baron (not here yet), and Morul the marksdwarf are available.

[LegoLord]

13th Moonstone, 105

   The alarms were ringing loudly, temporarily deafening anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby.

   “SKAAAAAAAKDIIIIIIIIIII!!!”  cried Chappy as he ran into Ezum’s office in the middle of the hallway.
   “How many be there?”
   “Two squads.  Six of the horrible things each.  One squad has an elite bowmen.  The other . . .”
   “Aye?’
   “The other squad is led by Erok Taintedpots, the legendary Skakdi Swordmaster.”
   Ezum spat out his ale in surprise.  “What’s she be doin’ here?!  We be a fresh young fort!”
   “I’m not sure sir.  I’ve got the recruits together and ordered Morul’s team into position.  I’m not sure it will be enough.  If they get as far as the pressure plates . . .”
   “Don’t even be sayin’ it.  I knows full well what’ll happen.  We don’t want another fiasco like that.”  He put down his mug and got up.  “Now if you’ll be ‘scusin’ me, I got’s a building to build.”

   Morul Bellstired was looking out across the landscape through the window in her “pill box.”  In particular, she was looking for the elite bowman.   Then she saw something.
   “Oh dear.”
   “What is it?” said one of her constables.
   “Well, there’s rather a lot more of them than we thought.  I can’t quite count them meself from here, but it looks like they’ve got a whole squad worth of spearmen. The squads are bigger than we thought, too.”

   Then she saw Melbil Datanneth, the two-legged horse minifigure, running (such as it could) towards the first squad of bowmen.  Arrows started flying.
   And then stopped.
   “Just how do they manage to hit those tiny little guys?” asked Morul, mostly to herself.

   Then she noticed Erok the swordmaster, approaching far more quickly than the rest of her squad. 

   The elite bowman turned the corner into the entrance.  Due to the format of the pill box, Morul could not yet do anything more than watch as arrows began flying towards the recruits.  Already one of them, Nish Trumpetconjured, had fallen to the ground under the barrage of arrows.  He had two copper sticks poking out of him, one in his leg and one in the hand.  Another had gone right through his abdomen.

   A final arrow struck him down.

   Yet another recruit, Imush Bridgesomber, took an arrow through his right knee.  Another accidently triggered a stonefall trap, and died instantly.

   Another recruit shot and killed.  Morul shouted the order to fall back.  Two others were shot and killed, one of them the axedwarf Alath Keltaron.

   As the surviving  melee dwarves escaped, the skakdi forces began passing under the bridge.  Morul smiled.  Now she could do something.  Bolt after bolt was fired at the Skakdi.  The Elite bowman and his squad began to flee, much to Morul’s dismay.  But there was still the spearman squad . . .

   “Oh crap!” said Morul as some of the Skakdi passed the pressure plates.  Magma began pouring from above the triggers, yet one Skakdi made it under safely.  But it was trapped.  There was no way anything but a Makuta could get past the puddle of magma now covering part of the entrance hall.  Of course, that meant no one could get out either.  But that problem could wait.

   “Kib, get down to the trade depot.  The Skakdi can’t get in without going past it, and he’s out of our range.”  Constable Kib ran as fast as he could to get there in time.
   He saw the Skakdi from the other side of the Depot’s platinum statue.  One of the injured recruits was there as well, being slowly beaten to death.  Kib hid behind the statue and fired away.
   “Eat steel you . . . uh . . . ugly thing!”
   It went down after two bolts.  The recruit was clearly unhappy, but he would live.  The last of the Skakdi were fleeing.  Morul left to find someone to pull the emergency exit lever.  The corpses of the fallen needed to be retrieved, the gear from the dead Skakdi had to be sorted out . . .
   And on top of all that, Morul had to make a battle report to Ezum.  She shuddered with dread.

17th Moonstone
   “HOW many casualties!?”  roared Ezum.
   “Six sir,” reported Morul.  “Half the recruits and, apparently, a civilian.  We’re not sure who it is though.”
   Ezum rubbed his forhead.  Six!  There had never been so many casualties in one battle at such a young fort!  We’d be lucky to get even one migrant wave this coming year, she thought.
   “There is some good news, though.”  Ezum looked up quickly, her jaw dropping.  What good could possibly come out of this?
   “We’ve caught Erok Taintedpots, the Legendary Skakdi Swordmaster.”
   Ezum’s jaw dropped even lower.  Then she had an idea.  He expression of shock turned slowly into one of sadistic, vengeful delight.”
   “Aye?  Well then, it’s a good idea our tower’s made o’ glass.  Them gobbos and Skaks need to be taught what’ll happen when yeh attack The Axe of Authority.

Yeah, that kind of reduced some of the military options.  Normally I would just leave it to the marksmen, but this was fun.  There are still plenty of civilians of all professions, though.

[thunderclan]

Guess I'll be the first to request a Dwarf

Fireheart
Male
Train him as a Sworddwarf

Looks like this is going to be a good read Legolord, keep it up.

[Mook]

Sounds like a good fortress in which to make an engraver.

Name:  Milly
Gender:  Female
Profession:  Engraver/Mechanic

Personality Preferences:  At least one of the following, if possible - Creative, Self-Disciplined, Organized, Assertive.

If any future positions in record keeping or fortress management (organizer) open up, maybe give her a shot at being a clerk.

Basic personality is a dwarf with OCD (more so than the average dwarf), hence the interests in Engraving, Mechanics, and Management.  Prefers everything to be perfectly symmetrical in her life, from the work she does to her room design.  Something of a control freak.

Milly came to this fortress for the chance at expressing herself, and gaining more control over her work.  No guildmasters telling her what to do and where to work, and only a limited number of nobles and administrators lording over her.

[LegoLord]

   Ezum was starting to get worried.  Imush Bridgesomber, one of the recruits left injured after the Skakdi attack, was beginning to get delirious.
   “He keeps wakin’ up, screamin’ and flailin’ his arms,” Ezum said.  “He tried to tear apart his own bed t’other day.”
   “Morul told me that he had started calling himself ‘Fireheart.’  Armok knows why” said Chappy.  “He should get better soon though.  His time at the gym did him a lot of good.  I was just thinking myself that he’d make a good swordsman.  He may be the most injured, aside from the dead, but I think he got more out of the fight.  He’s got more know-how of that shield of his than the rest of those recruits.”
   “Thas’ no a bad idea,” said Ezum, after taking a large gulp of beer straight from the barrel.  “Eh, that thar mayor makes a good ale.  I remember,” *hic* “when we firs’ got ‘ere with ‘em.  Jus’ me, ‘im, Chappy, that other miner, don’t know ‘m well, an, an, sommuh them other guys.  Carved out this place oursel’s, we did.”  Chappy gave her a concerned look.  Ezum hadn’t taken the deaths well, even with the news of capturing Erok.  The tower was progressing more slowly than she would like, too.
   Ishum, or Fireheart, whoever he was supposed to be, better get up and running again soon, thought Chappy.  If he doesn’t, I’ll have to make him.  It’d at least cheer up Ezum.
   “He’s not very bright though,” said Chappy.
   “Eh?”
   “The mayor.  He keeps mandating production of protoiron.  He made another mandate right after the Skakdi attack.  We’ve never had any of the stuff here.  We found magnetite, but we never did find any solid protodermis to go with it.”
   “Eh.  Well, ‘e does makes a good booze.  Maybe if Imush had summa’ dis ‘ed get better right quick, eh?  Be choppin’ of heads in no time.”
   “You know, that engraver, Mesthos?  She’s been acting odd too.”
   “Aye?  That li’tle neat freak?  She’s always been a wierd’un.”
   “Well, she’s asking everyone to call her ‘Milly.’  She says it sounds ‘more organized.’  I’m thinking something odd is going on here, personally.”
   “Dig some minin’ shafts.”
   “What?” asked Chappy, completely thrown off.
   “Fer findin’ that proto-thingy that the mayor wants.”
   “Oh.  Right away sir!”  He scurried off to the dining hall to get the other miners.
   “Argh, me barrel’s empty!  Where’d all that booze go?!”
   Chappy began running.
Okay, I tried to get someone as close to what you asked for as I could, mook.  There weren't many engravers or mechanics that had those traits, but your dwarf is pretty close to what you asked for.
And thanks Thunderclan  Your dwarf was a legendary pump operator before he was recruited, so he should be up soon.

[Haika]

I'll sign up for a dwarf here as well.

Name: Sheena
Gender: female
Profession: Speardwarf, heavy armor user
Sheena was a wild dwarf for her age, only just out of useless childhood she started playing sticks and poking things that she could find. She wandered around alone between the mountain fortresses before she came here, looking for something more lively to stick with her spear, and some sort of duty. Who Knows, she might even find some friends, or a family among the stationed dwarves.

[Mook]

Awesome.  Now to just wait and hope for lots of war-related engravings.

[LegoLord]

25th Moonstone
   Chappy the miner sighed.  Things seemed to be going so slowly.  The tower cap farm was still flooded from irrigation.  Everyone was busy trying to clean up the mess from the last Skakdi attack.  People keep running into kobald “thieves,” although Chappy had not once seen one of the horrible things actually steal anything.  All they do is scare the workers away from their jobs.  They didn’t scare Chappy.  He had single-handedly killed two ratmen and one giant rat before he even became worthy of the title of master miner.  But he couldn’t be there every time one of those mutts showed up.

   There’s also this business with names all of a sudden.  For nearly five years, things had been normal.  But then there was that battle . . . Now everyone feels the need to change their names.  First Fireheart, then Milly, now Sheena, yet another recruit.  She’s been loyally serving the fort so far, though.  Chappy felt he could trust her.  Whatever was going on didn’t exactly feel evil, just abnormal.  Dwarves seldom change their names.  They preferred to simply make them longer, like Morul.

   “The stair case for the tower is nearly done.  Soon we will be able to use it,” said Morul, as she passed Chappy on the way to the dining hall.  “But there’s still a long way to go.  Only the first floor has a complete wall and ceiling.”
   “It might go faster if the glass makers would stop wasting their time doing all the hauling jobs,” Chappy said.  “How are the recruits?”
   “They were sparring, last I checked.  Only with shields right now, of course.  We don’t want any accidents.  Fireheart’s was still unconscious when I checked in on him, though.  We ought to see about getting that arrow out.”
   “I kin get summun righft on ift!”  Ezum said from a nearby table, mouth full of plump helmet biscuits.

   The door to the dining hall burst open.  Sheena came rushing in, waving her wooden training shield.

   “MURDER!!” she cried, “KOGAN THE BUTCHER WAS STABBED TO DEATH!!”  She paused to catch her breath.  “It was a kobald thief.  That’s two deaths by their hands this season!”
   “Who else died?” asked Milly, who had just walked in to do an engraving.
   “Oh, just someone’s pet dog.  But it was still a death!  And a guard fell in the magma moat.”
   “Alright, I suppose I’ll get my men together and stand guard, shall I?”  asked Morul.
   “Sure. Go get thofe sftupid mutts!”  shouted Ezum.

More to come later today.

[thunderclan]

I'm uncouncious in 2 forts at the same time. Strange coincedence 

Loving the story though Legolord

[LegoLord]

Yeah, I thought that was odd.  It was a wound in the leg each time, too.
3rd Opal
   “Magnetite!” shouted Chappy, as he ran toward Ezum’s office, such as it was.
   “Shut it!” said Ezum.  Then she added, “Wait, what?”
   “Magnetite.  We’ve struck some.”
   “Oh.  I thought’ch’ya were gonna say ‘satinspar’ er sometin’.”  After a pause, she said, “Well what are ye waitin’ fer?  DIG IT OUT!!”
   Chappy ran as though he were being chased by a demon, which, to be frank, he wished was the case.  Demons don’t sound as nasty as Ezum when they get angry in his opinion.

11th Opal
   “Tiger Iron!” shouted Chappy, once again approaching Ezum’s office, this time cautiously.
   “Good job, thar, now the mayor’ll be happy,” said Ezum, with a grin of satisfaction.
   “Er, no sir, you’re thinking of protoiron.  Not tiger iron.  What we found is a sort of-”
   “THEN GET BACK TO WORK YE SLACKER!” said Ezum, cutting him off.  “We don’t want another dwarf gettin’ a beatin’, ya hear?”
   “Yes sir!”  Chappy ran off, and decided not to say anything if he found something other than protoiron.  He didn’t want to end up in prison like that metalcrafter that destroyed one of the breweries.  He shuddered at the very thought.  The prison had a very nice waterfall going down the middle . . . but it was the waterfall from the underground river.  It used to have snakemen in it.


17th Opal
   Lignite.  Chappy hesitated.  He knew what would happen if he told Ezum about this.  She would Not Be Happy, especially since there were twelve operational magma forges.  Things generally went bad when that happened.  However, he also knew that as a miner, he should report any minerals uncovered as soon as they are uncovered.
   He kept on mining, digging out some extra lignite while he was at it.  He hit himself with the pick to make him feel better.
   Then he struck a gem that emitted a beautiful yellow glow.
   He had found light stones.
   “Ezum, I have good news!” he said later, against all his survival instincts.
   “Ye found the thingy-iron?”
   “Well, no, but we did find Light Stones!
   “Ach, what good’re those?  Lightweight stone never done no good for anyone.”
   “Erm.  They’re gems.  They make light.  Um.  They’re also good for making crystal glass.”
   Ezum was unfortunate enough to be taking a sip of ale when she heard this.  As Chappy stood there, dripping wet, she said, “Whut?  But I was thinkin’ ye needed rock crystal fer that!”
   “They’re actually two very similar stones.  One just emits light for some reason.  They make beautiful windows.”
   “Well what’re you waitin’ fer then?  DIG ‘EM-”
   “Right!  I’m right on it!”  He should have known better, he thought as he ran back to the mines.

[thunderclan]

If it was the right leg this time then its really odd

[LegoLord]

It was his right leg that got the arrow.  Something happened to his left upper leg too.
18th Obsidian
   Ezum let out a long breath of relief.  She had been afraid the creatures at the top of the tower would fall too fast and crush the person pulling the lever.  Fortunately this was not the case. 
   “Good.  Thar’s two more plastic bars!” she said.
   “Not to mention a bunch of minifigure horse and donkey body parts all down the central staircase,” said Chappy.  He felt a bit sick.  The tower was almost entirely constructed above ground.  He wasn’t comfortable with the sun, not after how long he spent healing underground.  He had lit himself on fire the first time the magma moat was filled, in the second year of the fort.
   “Well that jus’ means thar’s gonna be more meat.  ‘S hard to get all the meat off butcherin’ them like normal.  ‘S easier iffin they’ve been blown teh bits.”
   “And it’s going to be harder to clean up,” Chappy muttered, just about ready to vomit.
   "Ey!  Watch me boots!"

[LegoLord]

Here we go again!  First update of the year 106!
15th Granite
   Ezum Paintedtrade stood at the depot, waiting for the elven merchants to arrive.
   “Greetings from the forests,” said Ave Swamwave, the head elven merchant, as he aproached.  “We were saddened to hear that our last caravan was ambushed by the Skakdi.  Such a shame they were too far for your protection.”
   “Er, yeah, right, too fer away, they were, right,” said Ezum nervously.  “So whatcha got fer us this year?”
   “Oh, just the usual loads of cloth, plants, and caged animals.”
   “Got any o’ those wooden weapons?  We be needin’ to train up Sheena, but she be a bit . . . overenthusiastic about pokin’ things.  Needs ta start small.”
   “Perhaps.  I’ll have to wait until my fellows arrive with the rest of the trade goods.”
   Ezum knew the elves to be tricky merchants, but not be first-hand experience.  He had ordered the emergency exit bridges lowered just in case. 
   It took two days for the last of the merchants to arrive.  As the last of the Elves arrived, the portcullis to the trade depot was lowered.  It was not like an ordinary portcullis.  This one wouldn’t let any liquids out.
   “What treachery is this!” shouted Ave.
   “What’re ye talkin’ about?!  We’ve been havin’ Skakdi attacks like nobuddies business!  We’re jus’ tryin’ to keep ye safe.”
   “Do you think I am blind?  I can see that hatch on the ceiling, and I can feel the heat from it, too!  You were going to burn us all!”
   Ezum deflated.  She could tell she wasn’t going to get anywhere with this guy.
   “Alright, have it yer way, ye bastards.  RAISE THE BRIDGES!!!”  She would have locked the doors behind her, but someone had left a shoe in the way.  Probably a guard. 
   The Elves just stood as dwarves came and took their goods.  It wasn’t as though they could do anything, the pansies.  Ezum could have sworn she had seen an alligator in one of the cages.
   By the 22nd, Ezum was ready to order the lever pulled.  An expression of glee went across her face as she saw Ave and his companions burning, drowning in the magma.  Some escaped it, but that was for the best.  What was the point, she thought, of winning when there was no one alive to know you had won?  Those jerks could have gotten off with a nice profit, but no.  Ezum Paintedtrade has the last laugh this time . . .
   “What happened here?” asked Morul Bellstired.
   “Elves is what happened.  Arr’gent bastards.”
   “Ah.  Well, I have good news.  Fireheart is doing better.  His right leg still looks pretty nasty, but his left leg is fully healed.”
   “Great.  Soon be ready to defend us again, he will.”
   Morul nodded at Sheena as she walked by.  As Morul looked away , she noticed something.  “Say Sheena, where’d you get that spear?” Morul asked.
   Sheena held her new Acacia Spear up proudly.  “We stole it from the Elves.”
   “Oh.  Well, be careful with it.  You could poke an eye out, kid.”
A lot of the "new recruits" are at insanely high levels of wrestling.  One of them is almost a champion.  Fireheart shouldn't be starting his sword training until awhile after he gets better, so that he can go into it with some wrestling.

[thunderclan]

Some wrestling would be preferable, don't want to get beaten to a pulp to soon after I finally recover

[LegoLord]

27th Granite
   Ezum was counting the number of bars in the stockpile when an armorer, Kogsak Blazefence, ran past with an eerie glow to his eyes. 
   “Ey, whatcha mutterin’ about, laddie?”
   Kogsak didn’t even look at Ezum he just continued on to the next bin in the pile, not finding what he was looking for.
   “‘Ere, put that back!  That’s fer the statoos!” cried Ezum as Kogsak ran back to the forges with a bar of plastic.  Before she could do anything, Kogsak rushed back into the stockpile and grabbed another plastic bar, knowing now where they were kept.
   “Stop it, er I’ll have yer thrown down the tower!”
   Kogsak did not reply.  He returned for yet another bar of plastic.
   Ezum moved towards the forge to recover the bars.  As she approached, so did Kogsak, carrying a donkey bone.  And then it clicked.  Ezum’s jaw dropped faster than a donkey.
   “Sommon call the priest!  Young Kogsak’s possessed!”
   Urvad the metalsmith, one of the original seven settlers, happened to hear.
   “Ezum, we haven’t got a priest here.  You know how they are.  One won’t come unless a lot come, and not many’ll come without a nice, shiny new temple with a big statue of their god.”
   “Well we canna’ jus’ leave the poor thing like this!” said Ezum as Kogsak passed, carrying an Elf bone.
   “ You’re right.  I’ll go get Morul.” as Kogsak once again returned to the forge, this time with a cave lobster shell.  Kogsak left . . .


1st Slate
   “MIIIIIGRAAAAANTS!!” yelled Chappy, running to Ezum in tower base.
   “Aye?  Good.  We be needin’ more workers.”  Ezum sat back, smiling at their fortune.  She was worried migrants would be too scared to come.
   “Uh, weell,” Chappy started, as one who knew he was going to have a very hard time in the near future.
   “Aye?”
   “Er, one of them is a noble.”  Chappy shut his eyes in preparation.  Ezum smile instantly shattered, to be replaced by one of pure fury.
   “WHAT?!  WHICH ONE O’ THOSE WRETCHED THINGS?!”
   “I-i-it’s the philosopher, W-w-wise Z-z-zas Ca-ca-castleenjoy,” Chappy stuttered, clutching his pick as if his life depended on it.  It probably did.
   “I’LL KILL THE WEE BASTARD!”  Ezum shouted as she knocked Chappy over in her rush to get to the gates.
   He fell onto the stairs, began to tumble.  He flailed with his pick as he fell.
   It caught on the stair rail.
   See, now what did I tell you?  Saved his life, that pick.

3rd Slate
   Morul watched as Kogsak ran back to the forges one last time.  He had gathered three plastic bars, an elf bone, a cave lobster shell, some sapphires, some gabbro, and basalt blocks.
   “Where did that donkey bone go?” asked Kib furtraded.
   “You know, I can’t really say.   It looked kind of . . . untouchable for a moment, then it was gone.”
   “Oh, sure.  A donkey bone just vanished.  It would have bit anyone tryin’ ta stop it, aye?” said Ezum sarcasticly.  “So how’s Casper the friendly armorer?”
   “Kogsak?  He’s started working, but he won’t say what it’s going to be.  He just keeps muttering ‘Omristmostod Zarurvad’ over and over again.” said Morul.
   “Say, what did you do to the philosopher?”
   “Oh, nothin’ yet.  But I will, mark me words.”
   As Ezum marched off, Morul turned back to watching Kogsak.  She saw Milly passing by.
   “Hey, you, start smoothing these walls!”  Morul commanded, pointing to the walls surrounding the workshops.  If she was going to have to watch this madman, she’d rather be waiting in a nice, smoothed hallway.

5th Slate
   Udib the metalcrafter was ecstatic.  His sentence was over.  He had been charged of vandalism and disorderly conduct against the mayor and sentenced to seventy-five days in prison.  But today he regained freedom.  Any minute a guard would come to unchain him . . .
   Zasit the guard walked down the hallway towards the prison.  He hated the prison.  Everyone did.  It wasn’t that it was particularly eerie; it was actually quite nice.  It had beds and engravings.  It also had a waterfall.  That was part of the problem.  Everyone knew the creatures of the underground river had died long ago, but people were still nervous about the thing.
   Zasit’s job was to unchain Udib the metalcrafter.  They were good friends.  Zasit had decided to bring Udib a keg of ale.  He knew it was a long time since anyone had brought him something other than water.
   He walked into Udib’s cell.  The chain went over the edge of the floor, into the water fall.  Zasit panicked.  He looked over the edge.
   *BOOM*
   Udib jumped up and crashed into Zasit, knocking him over.  Udib bit him.
   “Ow!  What was that for?” Zasit asked.
   “You were going to beat me!”
   “What?  Oh, right the barrel.  No, I just thought you’d like a keg of ale when you got out.”
   “Oh.  Er.  Sorry pal.  It’s just, you know, you hear stories.  People getting bludgeoned to death by guards with barrels.”  Happened in some glacial fort, I heard.”
   “Not here.  Have some ale!” Zasit said cheerfully. 

   Zasit handed Udib the barrel.  He drank deeply, joyfully, and above all, noisily.
I had, in fact, first noticed the bug with guards not dropping barrels in a glacial fort.  And it was, in fact, while a guard was handing out beatings.  I've always pictured it as the guard chucking the barrel and picking it back up.