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[MuonDecay]

I dunno, Boromir didn't do a whole hell of a lot besides creep everyone out and get shot repeatedly.

[StealthArcher]

A squishier version of a turnip.

[Mindmaker]

Let me see... fast-growing plant that you can make wine out of...

I think they taste like big grapes with a mango like consistency.

you forgot the spikes.

[Atarlost]

Both are half-right, I think. Cram was dwarven and highly nutritious but unappealing in flavor (like hardtack), and lembas bread was made by the elves, could sate one's appetite with but a small handful broken from the loaf, and was supposedly quite a lot more appealing in flavor.

I feel uncomfortably nerdy now.

Well, duh, in Tolkien's books, everything the elves did was better than anyone else's. And their farts didn't stink.

Tolkien's elves were just tall dwarves.  Except in Ossiriand and Lothlorien they lived in stone buildings or underground, and liked metal and gems.  Turgon even apparently had a self destruct lever in his throneroom.  Tell me that's not dwarfy.  One of the gates of Gondolin even menaced with spikes. 

[Sensei]

I'm confused, that's not remotely what you get from Lord of the Rings- but I didn't read any of the other books.

[UndergroundTree]

I believe everyone is forgetting the tolkien dwarfs for the Lonely Mountain. In true DF fashion a small group of explorers head into certain doom to fight a dragon and carve the riches out of a mountain, while the humans make toys (to be melted down like the good little metal bars they are made off).


Elves HAD to be more dwarfish. If they were anything less they'd be...elf elfs?

[MuonDecay]

The dwarves described in the Silmarillion (which is the one piece of Tolkien's work he cared most about, and probably the most consistently canonical source of reference) were very much the rock-and-metal loving crafstmen we think of. They are greedy and proud and masterful at generating wealth and arms.

The elves were lovers of nature and the sea, fair and magical and all that sissy nonsense. They did also have a remarkable knack for certain kinds of crafstmanship, especially the magical sort, as well as weapons and food.

Interestingly, the dwarves themselves were created not by the creator of the rest of the races, but by one of the demigods or lesser gods created by that creator, in an act which can be considered a sin against that higher creator. Such a race was not originally intended to exist but was allowed to in an act of mercy.

I suppose that explains why there's some crossover between elven traits and dwarven traits. The dwarves specialize in a role originally meant to be filled by other races.

[ManaUser]

Hmm, I hadn't thought about it before, but I think they taste somewhat like regular mushrooms, but meatier with a slight metallic aftertaste. They have a texture reminiscent of lychee. And of course they're not really that purple, that's just an artifact of the game engine. They look more like this.

[Saber Cherry]

Interestingly, the dwarves themselves were created not by the creator of the rest of the races, but by one of the demigods or lesser gods created by that creator, in an act which can be considered a sin against that higher creator.

The God who brought Dwarves to Man is sort of "Pornography's Prometheus".

As for plump helmets, I bet they're like purple Freshen Up gum (with the liquid-filled center).

[Blackburn]

I think Plump Helmets might taste like salty cardboard.

[Blargityblarg]

I reckon they'd be something like Kraft Singles- that is, individually wrapped slices of something that is either cheese-flavoured plastic or plastic-flavoured cheese.

[Vexorg_the_Devourer]

For me the real question is what Wine Biscuits taste like.

[Srath47]

i figure they taste like Air, Mud, and Stale Cave, maybe with a hit of unclean dwarves.

[MuonDecay]

For me the real question is what Wine Biscuits taste like.

Imagine a block of aerogel with rounded edges, marinated for a week in a 1-gallon box of wine from a seedy liquor store.

... and then finely minced, of course.

[UristMcGunsmith]

For me the real question is what Wine Biscuits taste like.

    *  2 cups flour
    * 1 Plump Helmet
    * 3/4 teaspoon salt (If available)
    * 2 tablespoon cat fat
    * 1 cup dwarven whine, frozen

Mince both the plump helmet and the whine.

In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, minced plump helmet, and salt. Using your fingertips, rub cat fat into dry ingredients until mixture looks like crumbs. (The faster the better, you don't want the fats to melt.) Make a well in the center and pour in the minced whine. Stir just until the dough comes together. The dough will be very sticky.

Turn dough onto floured surface, dust top with flour and fold dough over on itself 5 or 6 times. Press into a 1-inch thick round. Cut out biscuits with a 2-inch cutter, being sure to push straight down through the dough. Place biscuits on baking sheet so that they just touch. Reform scrap dough, working it as little as possible and continue cutting. (Biscuits from the second pass will not be quite as light as those from the first, but hey, that's dorf.)

Bake until biscuits are tall and light gold on top, 15 to 20 minutes.

Prepare to nom