((Alright, so I made a compilation, made comments on it, then edited it such that it seemed to flow better as a story, because errors can be made. Point out anything I might have done wrong, and I'll be happy to discuss how else I should have edited it. I have supplied three versions for all your enjoyment, and I will continue to do so periodically as long as this does not move far too fast for me. Hopefully I do not trespass upon that which is not quite resurrected yet. Peace.))
((Also, more editing may come with time, and I have adapted several entries such that they flow better, work better, etc. If you do not want to read them this way, rejoice, I supply an unedited version, I think. There might be spell-checked things, but no one cares about that.))
The screen fades from black, revealing a small group of humans, stalking through a forest. The camera pans away from the humans, showing the large mountain valley in which the forest rests. Spinning away from the mountain view, the camera shakily focuses on several large mushroom clouds rising in the distance, the direction opposite the group is heading in.
The camera advances steadily toward the scene of destruction, picking up a steady drum beat as it passes through the clouds, to reveal the blasted remnants of a once great city, now empty, smoldering ruins. Starting faintly, the babble of voices - hoarse, guttural voices - can be heard as the camera pans down from high above then into the ruined streets. The camera rises over a fallen building allowing one to the sight of a strange procession of cultists in stained, torn robes shuffling through one of the few intact streets. Their skin is visibly peeling, and their harsh monotonous chant is muffled by the distant sound of roaring flames and the occasional forceful explosion.
As the chant continues, the camera races away from them, the chants quickly fade from hearing as the camera flies back to the group of humans…
The members of the ragged band of survivors increase their pace and their occasional mutterings become increasingly frantic. The camera flashes to the eyes of some odd beast, whose vision is scarred by its fury. The camera flashes to the group again showing a bespectacled member of the group withdrawing a gleaming, black, handgun from his fur coat. He says: "We need to keep moving..." A chill wind blows and the humans pull their various coverings a little tighter. The group looks on solemnly at the man’s comment, and the camera zooms away, fading out.
The camera fades in to a screen-filling image of cheese. The camera zooms out, revealing a large advertisement over a skyscraper. The advertisement creaks in the wind, before the iron holding it up gives way. It begins to fall, and with a disharmonious sound crashes into a red car wreck standing on the snowy street below.
A small child in tattered rags looks out a window, peering towards the sound as radioactive ash begins to line the street. The cultists appear at the end of the street, walking down it, and the child turns to run. He dashes to the back of the ruined house, pulling open a trapdoor with steps leading down into darkness. A voice in the dark tunnel calls out, the sound bouncing around the small, battered house.
"Chklidovak! Chklidovak darling are you there?!" The small child yells out, "The atomics are coming down the street!" There is a sound of much running in the stairs.
In the background, the thunder of what sounds like a minigun suddenly blares out...
The camera rushes thought a corridor down several stairs and into a room so we can see what's going on.
The screen fades from black, the scene is a forest.
The camera pans away from a small group of humans, stalking through the forest, in order to show the large mountain valley that the forest exists in
Spinning away from the mountain view, the camera shakily focuses on several large musthroom clouds rising in the distance, the direction opposite the group is heading in...
The camera advances steadily toward the scene of destruction, picking up a steady drum beat as it passes through the clouds, to reveal...
The blasted remnants of a once great city, now empty, smoldering ruins...
Starting faintly, the babble of voices- hoarse, guttural voices- can be heard as the camera pans down from high above then into the ruined streets.
The camera rises over a fallen building allowing one to see the source of the voices:
A strange procession of cultists in stained, torn robes shuffles through one of the few intact streets.
Their skin is visibly peeling, and their harsh monotonous chant is muffled by the distant sound of roaring flames and the occasional forceful explosion.
As the chant continues, the camera races away from them, the chants quickly going into inaudiable ranges as the camera flies back to the group of humans...
The members of the ragged band of survivors increase their pace and their occasional mutterings become increasingly frantic...
The camera changes to to the eyes of some odd beast, whose vision is scarred by it's fury. The camera changes back quickly and suddenly.
The camera shows the group again, a bespectacled member of the group withdrawing a gleaming, black, handgun from his fur coat.
He says: "We need to keep moving..."
A particular chilly wind blows. The others look solemn, and the camera zooms ahead to...
...cheese. Everywhere there is cheese.
The camera zooms out, revealing a large advertisement over a skyscraper.
The advertisement creaks in the wind, before the iron holding it up gives way...
The advertisment begins to fall...
And with a disharmonious sound crashes into a red car wreck standing on the snowy street below.
A small child in tattered rags looks out a window, peering towards the sound as radioactive ash begins to line the street...
The cultists appear at the end of the street, walking down it, and the child turns to run...
He dashes to the back of the ruined house, pulling open a trapdoor with steps leading down into darkness...
A voice in the dark tunnel calls out, the sound bouncing around the small, battered house...
"Chklidovak! Chklidovak darling are you there?!"
The small child yells out...
"The atomics are coming down the street!"
There is a sound of much running in the stairs.
In the background, the thunder of what sounds like a minigun suddenly blares out...
Then the camera rushes thought a corridor down several stairs and into a room so we can see what's going on.
((Note: I will be spellchecking this.))
The screen fades from black, the scene is a forest.
The camera pans away from a small group of humans, stalking through the forest, in order to show the large mountain valley that the forest exists in
Spinning away from the mountain view, the camera shakily focuses on several large musthroom clouds rising in the distance, the direction opposite the group is heading in...
The camera advances steadily toward the scene of destruction, picking up a steady drum beat as it passes through the clouds, to reveal...
The blasted remnants of a once great city, now empty, smoldering ruins...
Starting faintly, the babble of voices- hoarse, guttural voices- can be heard as the camera pans down from high above then into the ruined streets.
The camera rises over a fallen building allowing one to see the source of the voices:
((Armok was right, two actions. Doesn't affect much though.))
A strange procession of cultists in stained, torn robes shuffles through one of the few intact streets.
Their skin is visibly peeling, and their harsh monotonous chant is muffled by the distant sound of roaring flames and the occasional forceful explosion.
((Two actions again. Unfortunately, the fact is true that adding these descriptions is helpful for conveying intent of an object. Useful adjectives can sometimes be used as well, but don't always work. All in all, an acceptable practice.))
As the chant continues, the camera races away from them, the chants quickly going into inaudiable ranges as the camera flies back to the group of humans...
((Fenrir's dropped because of flow issues... IE: Someone else dropped it, I just followed through in the compilation. All's well.))
The members of the ragged band of survivors increase their pace and their occasional mutterings become increasingly frantic...
The camera changes to to the eyes of some odd beast, whose vision is scarred by it's fury. The camera changes back quickly and suddenly.
The camera shows the group again, a bespectacled member of the group withdrawing a gleaming, black, handgun from his fur coat.
((Sentences combined...))
He says: "We need to keep moving..."
A particular chilly wind blows. The others look solemn, and the camera zooms ahead to...
...cheese. Everywhere there is cheese.
((Rather impolite, Fenrir, considering Armok's request, but there was a fabulous recovery.))
The camera zooms out, revealing a large advertisement over a skyscraper.
((I liked this one. Hard to come up with something after such an off-the-wall development, but this was a wonderfully flavor-friendly recovery. Good job.))
The advertisement creaks in the wind, before the iron holding it up gives way...
The advertisment begins to fall...
And with a disharmonious sound crashes into a red car wreck standing on the snowy street below.
((Armok, I want some indication on the actual effect here, as the grammar is horrid. I will edit it accordingly in the compilations.))
A small child in tattered rags looks out a window, peering towards the sound as radioactive ash begins to line the street...
((Implied camera flash. Suggestion that camera flashes be free actions and written in? Camera flash: Scene change with no transition. IE: Switching between faces in a dialogue. I may pull out some technical movie camera terms I learned when doing movie analysis in eleventh grade english and post them here, for increased post clarity. Woo.))
The cultists appear at the end of the street, walking down it, and the child turns to run...
((Camera movement is always appreciated.(Do some when neccessary) I will probably add the appropriate ones in neglected places when I dig up those terms.))
He dashes to the back of the ruined house, pulling open a trapdoor with steps leading down into darkness...
A voice in the dark tunnel calls out, the sound bouncing around the small, battered house...
"Chklidovak! Chklidovak darling are you there?!"
The small child yells out...
"The atomics are coming down the street!"
There is a sound of much running in the stairs.
In the background, the thunder of what sounds like a minigun suddenly blares out...
Then the camera rushes thought a corridor down several stairs and into a room so we can see what's going on.
((Many sentences, one idea. If someone can condense it into less with their brilliant minds, search me. If Armok deems it necessary, I shall remove some sentences.))
Author
Topic: Emergent Cooperative Comunity Storyteling Experiment A-001 (Read 10114 times)