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[Eagle]

JOIN ME. WE WILL FORGE A BETTER TOWN. Or we'll, you know, die.

Yeah, how have i been doing? Have i nicked that anvil yet?

[MrGimp]

Can I be part of this nightmare? What's left for NPCs?

Well, theres some legendary craftsdwarves, a legendary clothier, a legendary leatherworker....a strand extractor...some legendary jewelers....and a bunch of legendary mushroom farmers.

Oh, and the Duchess still has three legendary daughters left.

Pretty much everyones legendary except that damn strand extractor.  Lazy bastard.

[Innominate]

Go for the Axelord with hammer. It could either be a stroke or amnesia, of just the Blockedlance fumes which make him think he's an Italian plumber. And a rebel is fine, even if he ends up in the arena. Just wait until he finds a 1-up mushroom.

[MrGimp]

Eagle snuck from his cave late at night, dressed in a tattered leather cloak he had found out in the hills  He made his way down the mountain and across the eternal mud patch at it's base.  Coming down the mountainside the giant construction site dominated the fortress layout.  He had expected to enter through the north gate of the palisade walls, but he found that entrance to have long been sealed.  He made his way to the west gate and into the courtyard.

There in the crisp night air, under the countless stars of heaven, he stood before the towering temple.  The dark steel columns contrasted sinisterly with the white dolomite of the walls behind them.  Beneath this temple lay the vile pit of hell that had long ago unleashed evil upon this world.  Eagle shuddered and scurried forward.  He did not want to spend any more time in this wretched place than he had to.

He passed the old sacrificial altar.  It was a roofed drop that fell into a hole in the arena ceiling.  It had only been used once.  A tax collector's bed had been placed up there.  When he went to sleep, a floor was removed that dropped him to his death.  Eagle sighed as he thought about that fond memory.  It was one of a very few he had from Blockedlance.

He looked up as he entered the fortress, and saw the sloping sides of the pyramid rising above him.  It was already reaching four Heisenberg Uncertainty-Units into the air.



Eagle passed a sleeping guard as he entered the fortress proper and made his way to the old abandoned barracks to grab an axe from the stockpile.  Finding an anvil would be harder.  The only place he knew for sure that he would find one was the temple trade depot.  Since the temple doors were sealed for the night, he would have to make his way through the fortress halls and then back out.  It would mean passing the palace entrance.

"Oh well," he said to himself.  "I need me an anvil."  With dwarven resolve he slung the axe across his back and headed off down into the belly of the beast...

[Eagle]

Suspense!

Awesome. 

[Tradanbattlan]

"Eagle creeps through the godsforsaken fortress to find an anvil for his own motives. As he- wait a tick! Who are you? What's that axe- OH GOD NO MY LEG"
Narrator cancels Narrate: Unconscious

[MrGimp]

ARRRGRHGHGHGHGKJ!!:JKHlakrjhg a;ghjs.gjklr


STUPID!!!

For class we have to put stuff in a database online.  Easy.  I know MySQL (a compuer language) so I can do all that shit.  But NOOOOO!!!!  We cant use MySQL to do it!  That would be too easy!  No.....we have to download three different applications, all of which require us to sign over all our contact info to just fucking download.  Then I have to go through this insane install processes...

Spam Install or Custom install?   Custom
Path Name?                            Wherever you want...I dont care!
Please enter your user info        Great....I gotta give you private info AGAIN?
Register now or later?              NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok please wait...
Oops.  I froze.
Repeat process until death's sweet embrace takes you


As if that didnt piss me off enough, then the directions start becoming shit like....

Go to menu->tools->option->java
Select Path Name
Enter path folder for connector
Enter User Name
Enter Password
Setup proxy database server
An update is ready for this program
Would you like to drop everything you're doing and update?



AARRRRGHGHGHGKGHGLAKFj;ha ;SGLJA;OGI[ER'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And why do we have to do all this?  Because morons who dont want to learn MySQL still want to be able to participate in class.  We get graded on this so I HAVE to do it.  Seriously....Ive been working at this nearly four fucking hours now!  AND IM STILL NOT DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This can all be done with FOUR FUCKING LINES of MySQL code!!!!!  This isn't the easy way out people!

FUCK PEOPLE!!!!  YOURE IN A COMPUTER PROGRAMMING CLASS!!!!  LEARN THE FUCKING COMPUTER LANGUAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrGimp cancels loving life: Interrupted by hatred for all existence

[MrGimp]

Myth hung nailed to the Tree of Woe.  He had been here some time.  Grim Grom would come by and shatter some bone, then heal it only to shatter it again.  It was a miserable existence.

Suddenly, and without warning Armok appeared before him.

"AARRGGHHHH!!!!" Myth screamed in terror.

"YOU!!!" Armok roared.  "You're the kind of person that makes everyone suffer through four hours of bullshit because you can't be bothered to learn, aren't you?  AREN'T YOU??!!!!!"

"What?" he cried.

The mighty fist of Armok rained down upon Myth, crushed him and the tree.  Myth remained conscious, even though he was now only a pancake.  He could feel every inch of his body, and every ounce of pain.  "You LIKE being stupid!  You revel in it!  Don't you?" Armok raised his hands and healed Myth, then punched him back down into the ground again.  Again he raised Myth back to full health from his pancake shape.  "DON'T YOU??"  Again Myth was flattened by the fist of the Blood God.

Hans Gribblegrom, the Locator of Pain came walking up the hillside.

"Hey Armok."

"Hey Hans," sighed Armok.

"Bad day?"

"Yeah...stupid database interface software."

"Oh."  Grim Grom sat puzzled for a minute, not knowing what the fuck Armok was talking about.  "Well hey, wanna go back to my place and smoke some rat weed?  It'll mellow you out."

"Actually yeah...that sounds pretty chill."

Armok headed off with Grim Grom.  Myth lay flatenned on the top of the mountain.  Waves of black water crashed below him, and zombie giant sea gulls squawked above him in the dim clouded sky.  Occasionally they would drop a zombie giant sea gull turd right onto Myth's flattened body/corpse.  Myth wondered if he would ever get to experience the joy of death.

[QuakeIV]

Holy god, thats fucking retarded! Of course the programming class my friend is in the other students are so damn stupid they asked how to turn the laptops on so they could start 'programming'.

[peterix]

ARRRGRHGHGHGHGKJ!!:JKHlakrjhg a;ghjs.gjklr

Seriously, I can relate to that. I had a hardware class where I was to make a small C program that works together with an FPGA chip that I also had to program.

Time spent writing the C and VHDL stuff: ~10 minutes.
Time spent fixing the build system and coaxing the required tools to work: 7 hours.
Time testing it: 1 minute.

I kid you not.

[Tradanbattlan]

Hurray! Eternal suffering in the void of the eternal sorrow!

[Moose Fisher]

It all makes sense now....

Mr.Gimp is really Armok.  This means we're not reading a Dwarf Fortress Community Game, we're reading the events of a real world/existence in a form we'd be more comfortable with.

This isn't a game, this is real life!  What have we done?!

[Christes]

Actually, I've wondered if Mr. Gimp was playing the role of Armok.  Now we know.

[MrGimp]

I like to think that the player is always Armok, and the dwarves are our slaves.

They blindly follow us...they'll even deconstruct a floor tile hanging precariously out over a magma pipe, and they'll do it with a smile.  That's the kind of devotion you almost have mercy for.  Almost.

[MrGimp]

Eagle made his way down the dimly lit hallways.  He had only seen one guard at the gate, and they had been asleep (or rather, dead drunk).  As he made his way down the main stairwell (rampwell?) he heard the clamor coming from the dining halls on the arena floor.  There was angst-ridden harp music filling the air, and the din of many clanging mugs and laughing voices.  They were partying tonight.  Eagle knew not why, maybe they were celebrating the easy slaughter of the recent demons?  Maybe they partied every night? 

Eagle got off on his level and passed the main dining hall.  His swagger took on a drunken sway as he tried to fit in with the revellers.  A couple drunken dwarves were entering and exiting the hall, but they didn't notice anything unusual about Eagle.  In a fortress of only 58 dwarves there was a good chance he might be recognized as the deserter he was...but these dwarves were too drunk, and Eagle slipped by.

He saw the guards standing guard at the hallway's end.  The great dolomite door between them was the entrance to the palace.  Eagle would have to make his way closer to them, and then left down the hall.  These dwarves were trained to monitor all who even passed near the palace.  Eagle took a deep breath and carried on.

He passed without incident, though his heart rate quickened.  Once out of sight he hurried faster to the trade depot.  It was easy to find an anvil, as there were several stacked high in the corner.  It was dwarven habit to accumulate unneeded anvils, and Eagle had his pick of steel or iron.  He grabbed a steel one of course, because it's dwarfy steel rather than rusted gobbo-humie iron.  With an axe on his back, and an anvil in his hands, he hobbled back down the hallway as fast as he could.

He reached the end and turned right, with the palace entrance now behind him.  He scurried forward, and began to think the guards weren't going to say anything.

"You there!" boomed an authoritative voice.  Eagle turned to see one of the two guards already walking towards him.

"Me?"  Eagles voice nearly cracked.

"What are you doing with that anvil?"

"Uhhh..." Eagle thought fast.  "The Queen wanted me to move it upstairs."

"Why?" he barked.  "Theres no forges upstairs!"

"I think she mighta been mad at me."

The guard raised an eyebrow.  "Making you haul anvils around all night, eh?"

"Yeah," sighed Eagle with a sad grimace on his face.  "She said something about making me smelt all the limonite in the fortress using wood."

"Ha!  Like a humie!" mused the guard.  He looked back at the other guard still standing at the palace door, who was also chuckling at Eagle's plight.  The guard turned back around and then asked, "Well, what's with the axe then?"

"Yeah she put that there...she said it would be easier if I had more weight strapped to me."

Both guards burst into sinister laughter.  The nearer one pushed Eagle to the ground, dropping the anvil on his left fourth finger and giving Eagle a light gray wound.  Eagle cried out in pain, but the guard didn't care.  "Get up peasant.  No lying down on the job!"  The guard kicked Eagle in the gut, then walked off back to his post.  Eagle could hear the apish yokel congratulate himself.  "You see that?  I told that peasant no lyin' on the job!!! haw haw haw!"

Eagle got back up, grabbed his anvil, and headed off back home, vowing never to return to this place again.