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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 434182 times)

Zulaf

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1155 on: October 16, 2009, 09:53:50 pm »

=) isums back, well I never left just lurkeerded around. I would suggest no... <_<   >_> ..... Booze.  Seeing as your fps is better why not slow everyone down again? It should be a demand from Armok that no booze is to be brewed for 3 years.

Only the strong will survive the drought.
Only the loyal with survive the death.
Only the psychotic will survive this hell hole!
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Jim Groovester

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1156 on: October 16, 2009, 09:56:01 pm »

The Journal of Eberdek

Wait, there's nothing here! The pages are empty from his last entry, from before he was-

Oh, right. He can hardly write in his bloated state. I suppose death will embrace him soon enough, won't it?
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I understood nothing, contributed nothing, but still got to win, so good game everybody else.

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1157 on: October 16, 2009, 10:04:55 pm »

The Journal of Eberdek

Wait, there's nothing here! The pages are empty from his last entry, from before he was-

Oh, right. He can hardly write in his bloated state. I suppose death will embrace him soon enough, won't it?

Armok wont let him die.
Armok will keep Eberdek in a dying state, alive and suffering where other dwarves can ridicule him.

Akhier the Dragon hearted

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1158 on: October 16, 2009, 10:29:59 pm »

If only someone could say, travel through all the hells. Then they would be able to do all kinds of fun stuff like take that one elf and put him in a very very bad place.
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Join us. The crazy is at a perfect temperature today.
So it seems I accidentally put my canteen in my wheelbarrow and didn't notice... and then I got really thirsty... so right before going to sleep I go to take a swig from my canteen and... end up snorting a line of low-grade meth.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1159 on: October 18, 2009, 02:17:21 am »

Just a note -
Moose - You're the Duchess' eldest daughter
Akhier - I made you an axelord.  Now Lord Dullard's squad is entirely named.  (The Held Lances...the most decorated squad of Blockedlance, and our unofficial royal guard)

Huesoo has dibs on the next Armok worshipping Hammerer.



If I forgot anyone let me know.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1160 on: October 18, 2009, 02:25:31 am »

Curly made his way down to the death pits.  He walked carefully as he had heard plenty of talk about the spike traps.  There was a bloodied and punctured horse corpse laying in the hallway as he made his way to where he had been told to look for the Duke.  He opened the door to find the Queen and the Duke rolling around naked in the horse blood.

"Oh my!  I'm sorry your majesty!  I came at a bad time!" he cried.

The two dwarves didn't stop.  After a moment, the Queen spoke, "What do you want?"

"Uhhh....Baron von Montague sent me to conduct a meeting with the Soviet Supreme.  Official Stonecutter business."

The Queen rolled her eyes.  "Well, he's here.  Have fun."  The Queen entertained herself by rubbing blood on her genitals as the two other dwarves talked.

« Last Edit: October 18, 2009, 02:30:18 am by MrGimp »
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1161 on: October 18, 2009, 02:28:44 am »

In other news...

Pyramid construction is going much faster thanks to the Stonecutters.  The first course is nearly complete, as is the foundation below it. 

In an elaborate ceremony, the Stonecutters have blessed the pyramid by vomiting all over it.  It's in an old dwarven ritual.

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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Plank of Wood

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1162 on: October 18, 2009, 03:50:59 am »

I'm starting to actually physicly gag now. D:
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1163 on: October 18, 2009, 05:56:20 am »

For followers of the Blood God, blood is the ultimate representation of the life force.  To make love in it is to conceive a true person...and you definitely want a true person.  Not one of them filthy unpersons.

Urist is only doing her duty to the state and to the community as a whole by attempting to provide a truly great heir.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1164 on: October 18, 2009, 06:16:42 am »

In the summer the Humans came, and with them Dunem Trickscars.  She rode in from the western wastes with the caravan.  Her status in her Kingdom had risen precisely because of these dwarves, and she was happy to return as Behal Ladgi's emissary.

She was warmly greeted by the guards as the Humans entered through the outer palisades.  They turned to go into the temple, and into the depths below.  Looking off to her right, Dunem was amazed to see lava glowing eerily within the moat.  She turned to the dwarf guards.

"What happened with your moat?  Did you strike magma?" she asked.

The dwarves looked at each other.  Would she believe them?  Would she even understand?  Dunem was a trusted human, one who had been tested at Blockedlance, but she was still an outsider.  The dwarves thought it best to lie.

"Yes...it was decided that lava might deter enemies from coming near here."

"Has it worked?" she asked, struck by the odd way in which the dwarves always went about their problems.

"Well...we haven't had any goblins come by this year...so that's one less years worth of iron junk to have rotting in our fields."

"Hmmm..." said Dunem.

The caravan continued on into the fortress.  Behind them, piles of scrap iron taller than the palisade walls glistened in the sun.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2009, 05:28:25 pm by MrGimp »
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Akhier the Dragon hearted

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1165 on: October 18, 2009, 10:22:20 am »

Nice! I got an axe to grind with you...
wait no I don't...
Well I got an axe to grind with...
Goblins! That's it!
I have an axe to grind with goblins! its their fault for not coming and letting me kill them!
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Join us. The crazy is at a perfect temperature today.
So it seems I accidentally put my canteen in my wheelbarrow and didn't notice... and then I got really thirsty... so right before going to sleep I go to take a swig from my canteen and... end up snorting a line of low-grade meth.

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1166 on: October 18, 2009, 10:34:10 am »

Pfff. You're lucky you have anything. All I have are these... clouds.
And... solitude.
Goddamn blueballs thanks to Armok...

Moose Fisher

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1167 on: October 18, 2009, 04:40:32 pm »

Would it be faster to stack the goblin items on a bridge, and occasionally drop it all into the magma?
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"I'll bet ye've got all sorts o' barmy questions! (She mimics your heroic stance) Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?"
-Elderly Hive Dweller

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1168 on: October 18, 2009, 05:26:49 pm »

Hah. Occasionally.
You're funny, Moose.
Unless "Occasionally" means every damn season.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1169 on: October 18, 2009, 05:32:09 pm »

Haha, yeah, moving all that junk would be a multi decade mega project in and of itself.  I'd rather focus on the pyramid...which is coming along QUITE nicely.

I'll take care of that junk some day.  All in good time.  This fortress has another couple decades of life in her at least.  So theres plenty of time.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.
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