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[Christes]

I know, but averted doesn't do it justice

[MrGimp]

Child Sacrifice Haiku

Insanity grows
Your babies will all die now
Tantrum all you want

[Tradanbattlan]

Letter to Queen Urist
From the Children

'Dear Queen, you are being a poopie head. You killed my older brother. You killed my friend. You killed my cousin. YOUKILLEDMY-'

The rest of the letter was torn off in a struggle for life.

[MrGimp]

Captain Jack approached the Queens doors.  The guards eyeballed him suspiciously.  He felt threatened by the Queen's guards, though technically he outranked them.

"Uh, yes I'd like to speak with the Queen," said Jackrabbit at last.

The guards said nothing, they simply looked at each other, then one of them slowly opened the door.  The guards motioned him inside.  In the grand foyer, filled with gold statues and detailed engravings, Captain Jack found the philosopher, the Wise dwarf Asmel, pacing back and forth.

"Uh, hello wise sage."

"Oh....you're one of the squad leaders arent you?"  Jack nodded.  Asmel then asked, "What brings you to this unholy place?"

Unholy?, Jack thought to himelf.  "Uhhh....I actually just wanted to speak with the Queen."

Asmel's face went pale.  "You'll have to be in the same room with her to ask her something....are you sure you want to do that?  She's quite mad."

"Damnit!  I dont have time for this!  I simply wish to ask a question!"

"Bah!  Then go, if you're so brave!  Ha!  It's easy to have courage when one doesn't understand the danger he faces!"

With that cryptic remark, the Philosopher shuffled off, mumbling under his breath.  Captain Jack proceeded into the throne room.

The hall was dark...only two torches were lit at the far end of the room.  In the pool of light, Urist sat on her Platinum throne, watching Jack intently as he came in.

"Ahhhh....one of my favored minions!" remarked the Queen.

Captain Jack smiled awkwardly.  "It's good to know that I have not lost your favor, my Queen"

"Oh no...I will always favor those who would die for me.  But why are you here?"

"Well your majesty...I *would* die for you....I will fight my hardest against your enemies and I will shed my blood if need be....but let that be decided on the field of battle....not some temple altar!  I am a warrior, my queen!  I beg you....when I die, let it be with honor!!!"

There was silence for a minute.  Urist cracked a smile.  At last she spoke.  "I kill only those who oppose me or who are useless to me.  You have a use to me still, and I know you cannot oppose me....who would you turn to Jack?  Would you turn to the Duchess?  Ha!  She will have you beaten to death for serving me!"



"Your majesty I wish to serve only you!  Regardless of death or beating! I simply wish to die like a dwarf, not some sacrificed animal!"

The Queen nodded, as if there was never a thought in her mind to the contrary.  "You are the Brutal Square of Problems.  You are not a slobbering peasant.  When the dust settles and I have remade Dwarven society, it will be the seed of dwarves like you that grows in the rich soil.  Now go...back to your guard duties.  Make sure the peasants learn to heel.  I am depending upon you, Captain Jack."

"Yes your majesty...thank you your majesty....of course your majesty," and with that, Jack bowed several times and then left the room.

[Jackrabbit]

Good to know. We will lead the revolution! also, six hammerstrikes? For violation of an order I had no way of fulfilling? Bitch needs to die, and it needn't be quick.

[Tradanbattlan]

Good to know. We will lead the revolution! also, six hammerstrikes? For violation of an order I had no way of fulfilling? Bitch needs to die, and it needn't be quick.

You should die a happy, horny dwarf like Christes and I

[MrGimp]

So I modded my kobolds to be auquatic, with the intent that they would sneak into my fortress through the water tunnels.  I could have grated my tunnels to block them...but still, I thought it would be cool to try out.  It didnt work too well.  When the koblod gets spotted he wants to run off the map, but theres no way off the map...except through the fortress I guess...but they never try to go that route.  They just freeze there and then I send some marksdwarves in.

I tried taking away [FLEEQUICK] but that didnt help.  Oh well...so much for aqua-kobolds.

Speaking of water....another dwarf fell into our moat during the last siege.



You wont believe it though....he is the lover of Ingish the Coastal King!!!



This guy doesnt prove as adept a swimmer....or as smart.  He just freezes there and finally drowns.  I dont care if youre legendary...if you dont fight for your life then good riddance.



The Hammerer tantrums but never goes ape shit enough to bring on Zulaf's axe.  Since I have nothing to throw in the arena right now, it doesnt really matter....but Id still like them to hurry this deathmatch up.  Its been a couple years.



I keep getting the death trap message every season.  I dont understand it?  Whats so wrong with Blockedlance that it's a death trap? 



I mean....just because we trap people and sometimes they die.  Big deal.  Doesnt make us a death trap.  We're a lovely home. 

[Tradanbattlan]

NO!! NOT THE PLANTER

[Jackrabbit]

Possibly the mutilated babies? Just a though.. No! I love the mutilited babies! No, don't throw me in the conversion chamber, no noooooooo-" *sploosh*

[MrGimp]

Funny story about that planter.  She was locked in there with a kid and a baby.  Then she died and the kid dies, but the baby lived!



That baby lived a short and miserable ecistence before dying of starvation.  I cant wait to have Urist engrave the temple with gruesome ass shit of withering babies and drowning peasants.

Also, on the other side of the fortress, the babies father is trapped with two other kids who then start dropping.  A corpse even winds up in the guys bed!  Hahaha...I made him sleep with his kids corpse!  Take that you digital virtualization!  Im infinitely superior to you!!! 



Anyways, he was a wounded marksdwarf who then died of no water because his door accidentally jammed.  Oops.

[MrGimp]

Winter comes with an awesome siege.  The goblins manage to surprise a legendary miner and a furnace operator while they are on the outside of the walls sifting through goblin shit.

Half the troops are off drinking as usual.  I send Jackrabbit's squad to the west, but there are 3 or 4 squads of bowmen.  One of the guys in Jackrabbit's squad actually died!  Can you fucking believe it?  Then a couple marksdwarves go down in the east. 

Five dwarves went down in rapid succession.



A sixth dwarf, an elite marksdwarf, got his throat torn out by a goblin arrow shortly after the other deaths and stumbled around before collapsing in a pool of his own blood.

Yeah, it sure has been fun here at Blockedlance this past year.

[Jackrabbit]

Did Jack have a touching moment, where he ripped the bow-goblin to shreds and carried his fallen comrade in a fireman's lift back to the fortress, where he promptly dropped the corpse down the nearest hole?

If not, dammit Jack! You suck at touchy moments!

[MrGimp]

Did Jack have a touching moment, where he ripped the bow-goblin to shreds and carried his fallen comrade in a fireman's lift back to the fortress, where he promptly dropped the corpse down the nearest hole?

Nah...actually....you left halfway through the battle to fill your waterskin.  It was actually a good thing....you mightve gotten pierced several times.  That was a very ranged-heavy siege.

[Jackrabbit]

Dwarven survival instincts at work.

"Charge the heavily armed and armored enemy! They may have deadly ranged weapons, but we have spirit! Now, go! I, on the other hand, want a drink. Bye!"

*PlinkPlinkPlinkPlinkPlinkPlink*
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!*

[MrGimp]

Im starting to see a few red flashing down arrows when I roam around the map.  I really like how miserable the dwarves are becoming.

Im losing a lot of marksdwarves though.  Oh well...I have PLENTY of axelord champions.

If anyone wants one theyre still available. 

About 35-40 dwarves have died this year.  So grab a dwarf now before the rest die.

Im aiming to bring the population down to between 100-150.  But a tantrum spiral might bring me below even that.