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[MrGimp]

Judging from the perpetual motion devices, quantum stockpiling, atom smashing bridges, and the fact the every being in the universe is exactly one heisenberg uncertainty unit in height, I would have to say the dwarves of dwarf fortress have a much more solid understanding of atomic and subatomic physics than we do today.

[NRDL]

Bump.  Also, Mr. Gimp, what version of DF are you using? 

[Moose Fisher]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is a shocking blow.  The Slemites are the smallest clan, and each death impacts them greatly.

Also, Moose was our Metropolis Manager.



So now we have to find a new outpost manager. What an interesting life Moose lived.  She grew up the daughter of a Duchess and Duke that was murdered by her Queen.  Whn she was 12 she was abducted by quarcaine-addicted creepy miners and held in a cave for some time.  Then she came back and was Metropolis Manager.  Now...now she was a rotten corpse in a field.  She was taken down to her tomb in great sadness.

My dwarf died after all this time?  At least it was a good life, filled with luxuries and quarcaine.

If there's any dwarf available, name it Fisher.

I'll continue reading this spiral of corruption like I have so long ago.

[NRDL]

So...Mr. Gimp....any updates coming?

please?

[Nunzillor]

Hmmm he did say something about taing a 2-month hiatus... 
I'm sure he'll return eventually.  He always does.

[grank6]

wow that took me about 3 days or so to read all this and it was worth it and i'm shocked this isn't done yet because this was started a couple years ago

also is this the oldest fortress or something seriously only fort i heard was like 15-20 years before this but now its more then 50 years!!

[MrGimp]

also is this the oldest fortress or something seriously only fort i heard was like 15-20 years before this but now its more then 50 years!!

50 years?  BAH!!!  This fortress is nearly ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD!!!!

And yeah I think its the oldest fort in a community story.  Quantum Sawdust still holds the record for oldest fort ever though.  Look up Flarechannel on the map archives.  I think he had it up to 250-300 years last I checked.  He had families going back several more generations than even I do.

Hmmm he did say something about taing a 2-month hiatus... 
I'm sure he'll return eventually.  He always does.

IVE RETURNED!!!!

Work has KICKED MY A$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My life has sucked purring maggots lately.  Ive been working back to back 20 hour shifts.  Last wednesday I worked a 33 hour shift.  I told one of the Indian guys that works with us that I worked a 33 hour shift and he said, 'that reminds me of my days in Banglaore!'.  Thats right people, Im putting in so many hours that people who have worked in the third world can relate to it.  lol 

Buuuuuuutttttttt......

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Im making more money than I ever have before in my life!





The software is basically finished (except now theres a new piece) and we are already using the latest version in our offices.  We are selling it to some banks now, and supposedly I will get 20% of the sales.  I've always expected to get screwed out of that though, and so far no money has come my way from that portion. 

Oh well...Im happy to be making good money in the middle of the Great Recession.

(Any rich people reading this will laugh their asses off.  Its a pathetic amount of money in the grand scheme of things, even if I get the 20%.  But to me, having lived in a raunchy ghetto for many years, working crap jobs in factories, warehouses, as a taxi driver, a pizza delivery guy, a telemarketer, a door to door salesmen, etc....it feels good not to have to stress over bills anymore.)

[UltraValican]

Awsome story, and congrats on your WINNING!

[MrGimp]

Christes and the mysterious telepath made their way down an invisible mountain.  According to the claims of the telepath, they came upon a seaside town with mighty walls.  Christes did not see it, though she could feel the ground under her feet, and even bumped into the town walls rather forcefully while trying to prove to the telepath that there was no town there.  Having proved his point, the telepath then led Christes around the invisible town as he tried to purchase passage across the great ocean from one of the many ships in town.  Christes grew tired of bumping into things she could not see, and began to become unhinged when she heard the voices of invisible people that the telepath was talking to.  The invisible townsmen always charged too much, or had no ships available, or no ships going in that direction.  Eventually Christes walked off on her own to keep her sanity.  She sat on an invisible bench in an invisible park and watched as the telepath walked back and forth across the white void haggling with nothingness over the price of an invisible boat to sail across an ocean that was not really there.

It was a spectacular sight to see the telepath vigorously pursuing something of no significance.  Could they not just walk there as they had been doing?  What made this whiteness water, and that whiteness land?  It was only the influential power of the telepath's hallucinations that forced Christes to play along.  She could feel the ground under her feet when the telepath said it was there.  She felt the hard smack of the city walls when he told her she was about to walk into them.  She knew that if she tried to continue walking in the direction they had been traveling, she would likely drown in an imaginary ocean.

Perhaps she should just go with the hallucinations?  Back at the telepaths 'house' she was able to see some of his hallucinations and take part in them when she really tried to.  However, Christes feared going mad the way the telepath had gone mad.  She feared losing her grip on 'reality'. 

The telepath at last came back to her.  "I've found a ship!  We shall get direct passage to the distant shore!  And for only 5 gold coins each!  Isnt that a bargain?!"  The telepath smuggly patted a non-existant coin purse hanging from his belt.  His face was beaming with delight.

Reality?  What was reality?  Why fight the dreams and hallucinations around her, when such joy could be harvested from the meaningless wanderings and deal makings?

"Alright, lead the way," replied Christes as she stood to her feet.  She followed the telepath into the whiteness where he said their ship was waiting for them...

[MrGimp]

Back in the horrid hell halls of Blockedlance, where the screams of the dead and dying drive the living mad, many dwarves were already speaking of heading out beyond the safety of the walls in order to dig a hermit cave for themselves and live off the land.  Many dwarves were already expressing anti-social tendencies while they squirreled away deep in the bowels of the fortress.



Their temporary pursuits of hermitage brought wonderous creations to our dark fortress. 



Wonders like this Bituminous Coal Weapon Rack brought to us by Nix.  Yes.  What a wonderful creation.  I totally would rather have this than another artifact weapon or piece of armor.  Yep.

In other news, since our old Dungeon Master Petbeard has died of old age and joined Kurk Quorcane in the afterlife, a brave bearded soul has marched in from the hinterlands with a patent of nobility and an application for the job.  Unfortunately for the would-be Dungeon Master, he worships the wrong God.  This is not tolerated in Armok's holy city, and while the Empress expresses kindness and civility openly, behind the scenes she plots his untimely demise.



Why should we allow this taint in our lands?  The Khamerites are bad enough being half pagan, we simply cannot let a full pagan into a position of power.  It just wont do for the capital of dwarfkind.



After all, Blockedlance is so rich and so opulent that even the rotten bread sitting under clouds of miasma is worth a lifetime's earning for an average dwarf.




Summer of this year brings us a caravan from the human lands...



...and it also brings another siege from the goblins.



They are immediately pummeled under a hail of bolts from atop our mighty walls! 



They can do no harm to us or the caravan at all.



The humans, having seen Blockedlance grow from a small hole in a hillside to the capital of all dwarfkind, with a temple to the Blood God, a pyramid to a mad Empress, and the thickest and sturdiest walls which were now completely surrounded by a moat of lava are indeed quite struck by the terror of the place as they pass by the carcasses of the goblins that had so recently been pursuing them.



It is this year that Urists eldest son and eldest daughter come of age.  The two brats, ever quarreling about who deserves the Imperial Crown, immediately begin sparring in the barracks, continuously trying to one up the other and prove their superior strength and bloodlust.

[MrGimp]

Another season brings another goblin siege.  This winter they send another brood of their endless swarm against us. 



Of course they burn the bridge again....



...and set a bunch of stuff on fire.



Our champion marksdwarves repel them, but unfortunately Captain Coder takes a few too many bolts in his body and has a hard time keeping his blood inside of himself.  Corcha receives a battlefield promotion while standing beside the corpse of her former commander.

[filiusenox]

Yay!
Its back from hell!
Congrats Mr.Gimp.

[Innominate]

Wonders like this Bituminous Coal Weapon Rack brought to us by Nix.  Yes.  What a wonderful creation.  I totally would rather have this than another artifact weapon or piece of armor.  Yep.

Don't be so hasty. This is a great opportunity to set it on fire and use it as a booze fuse. If you submerge it in magma it should burn forever (since as an artifact it cannot be destroyed). You can then store booze in a one-tile garbage chute with a bridge at the bottom. Open the bridge and the booze falls onto the bituminous coal, which should very quickly boil all of the contents (and set the barrels on fire, of course).

This is hypothetical, but I would love to try it. If nothing else it would be funny watching kobolds trying to steal it.

[Keltiknight]

Hey, hows my warrior dwarf doing? Since this is back again, I'm curious.

[DerUbermensch]

And enlighten us on the adventures of our newest grunge harpest