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[filiusenox]

Isn't that the only reason dwarves marry?

[MrGimp]

Mogror shuffled down the corridors of the palace....passed the gold statues and artifact furniture.  He couldnt help but stop to admire the sublime adamantine floor grate....but then he pressed onwards.  He slowly and quietly came to the Empress's door.  It was already cracked open.  He could hear the Empress and Priest-King consoling each other over the stunning loss of the allied clan leader and Court Musician.  Mogror tapped his cane on the rock door, and upon Urist's acknowledgment he pushed it open.

"Oh hello Mogror," said the Empress solemnly. 

"What a day, eh old fellow?" shrugged King Kulaka.

Mogror nodded, paused for a moment, then furrowed his brow and began speaking.  "Yes that is what I am hear to discuss with you, your majesties.  I believe there may have been some foul play regarding Kurk Quorcane!"

"What?!" said the royal couple in unison.

"Yes your majesties....I know.  It is shocking.  But I believe that the Khamerites sold Mr. Quorcane some bad quarcaine!  I have recently had a barrel of snakeman venom stolen from my personal stockpiles, and I believe these Khamerite traitors have laced much of the fortress' quarcaine with it!"

"Oh my gods!" cried Kulaka as he wiped off his nose and shoved a rolled up dwarfbuck into his pocket.

"Yes....snorting snakeman venom could cause heart failure.  This could easily be mistaken as simply an old dwarf kicking the bucket.  However, I believe that both Dishmab and Kurk Quorcane have been sold poisoned drugs!!!"

"Why would someone want to poison DRUGS?!" cried Kulaka, putting his hand over his heart to see if it was still beating properly.  "Is nothing sacred to them?"

"This is hideous!" cried Urist.  "Mogror....how do you know the drugs are really poisoned?"

Mogror produced a rope reed bag full of the white powder.  He set some on top of a nearby dresser.  Then he pulled out an eyedropper full of a mysterious liquid.  "This is tetrahydrahedraoctagloxypropylmescaline.  When it comes into contact with snakeman or cave spider venom, it turns blue.  I bought this quarcaine off of Khamero's eldest son Airag.  Watch...."  Mogror took the dropper and dropped but one drop of the clear liquid onto the white powder.  Immediately it turned blue and the blue powder clumped together.  "Poison," said Mogror sinisterly.

Kulaka immediately pulled a bag from his robe pocket.  "Please....test THIS!!!!" he shouted.

Mogror quickly did so, only to find it clean.  Kulaka breathed a sigh of relief and laid down on the Imperial bed to relax.  A look of calm settled over his face.

"Its just quarcaine bought from the Khamerites!  You can trust me to continue providing your majesties with quality uncut quarcaine!" 

"Thank you Mogror....theres just one more thing.....why didnt the coroner notice the cause of death?" 

"Well your majesty, this being 40d, we dont have any full time medical staff.  When needed, medical staff is hired by the mayor - "

"Jewelettarette."

"Yes your majesty."

"Khamero's wife oversaw the hiring of the dwarf who determined the cause of death?" asked Urist in disbelief.

"Yes your majesty...of Kurk and Dishmab and many other dwarves."

Urist paced slowly back and forth.  Had she let the administration of the fortress slip too far out of her hands?  Was she too eager to live only in comfort and luxury?  Were there not still many challenges to her authority to overcome?  Certainly she couldnt let her old lover be murdered right in front of her could she?  He was the only other one breeding dwarves to stop these Khamerites from overrunning the place.  Now it was just Urist and Kulaka.  Khamero and Jewelettarette had to be stopped before it was too late....

[TALLPANZER]

DUN DUN DUN!
*gets hit with a plumphelmet for overacting*

[bayar]

You know you want to hear the song

Well, clicked the link, but all I heard was this.

[NobodyPro]

Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)

[Zaerosz]

Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)

Dwarves have started dying of OLD AGE by now, mate. This fort is 81 years old. There's no way the bookkeeper you're talking about is still around.

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

I loved the 40d joke.

[MrGimp]

Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)

Yeah everyone on page ten is pretty much dead...except Urist and Kulaka (who back then was named Thob).  And I guess also the Duchess (who was then the Baroness/Countess and is now the Grand Duchess).

Currently, the bookkeeper position is held by Imhotep, the wisest and most mathematically astute of Khamero's brood. 

You can be next in line for a Urist spawn if you like? 

[MrGimp]

Duke Travolta entered the room, closing the door after one last shiftless look behind him. 

"Ah, he here is now, the idiot that threw away his chance at an Imperial dynasty!" quipped Khamero at the sight of his brother-in-law.  Travolta hung his head in shame.  He had been the whipping boy ever since Urist had married the High Priest.

"Hey Khamero," mumbled the Duke as he sat down.

"Well, we're all here then," said Khamero.  "Let's get right to it.  This is our last opportunity.  With Kurk down, his clan will be easier to control in the aftermath.  We have to move against the Empress now!"

"I agree," said Imhotep.  He was usually a cautious and conservative dwarf, but he was also pragmatic.  When a situation called for rash action, he would not deny it.  "She will kill us off one by one.  We will be slowly replaced by her brood if we don't act.  We have the best chance of success if we attack now, while our numbers are still greater than theirs."

"Yes!  Attack while her brood is still infants!" cried Baron von Freden. 

"My mother is in the military....we can count on her to at least bring her squad over to our side, possibly others," reminded Khamero.  "The trouble will come from her two axe lords, Jazz and MadMonkey24.  They are ultra loyal, and extremely badass."

"We must kill Urist first.  No one would fight for a dead monarch.  They would not dare strike us if they see that we have already won.  They would simply accept the new regime."  Airag sipped the whip wine in his mug calmly.  "Cut off the head, and the body is limp in your hands."

"Agreed....we have to sneak in and kill that viper before anyone else notices," said Khamero.  "Who will it be?  Who do we send to kill the Empress?"

"Send some of the younger ones.  The peasants," Imhotep suggestd.

"Yes.....it might work......it will take some time to talk them into it, and plan all the details out.  We'll take that bitch down, then burn her corpse at the altar as an offering to Armok!  He will admire us for our strength!"  Khamero was happy to have finally reached the moment of action.  He would plan this attack with utmost care.  His entire dynasty rested on this one throw of the dice....

[vrga]

*expects many khamerite corpses making the pyramid pretty very soon*

[NobodyPro]

Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)

Currently, the bookkeeper position is held by Imhotep, the wisest and most mathematically astute of Khamero's brood. 

You can be next in line for a Urist spawn if you like?

I actually meant the current one but that sounds great. (Didn't expect many to survive the civil war.)

[Innominate]

The peasants surprise Urist while she has her hands hog-tied behind her back!

...

Urist steps over the bloody stump of what was once an arm to reach for her adamantine mug, so that the rest of the slaughter might at least be somewhat entertaining.

[denisol]

did i died? ;__; if no then whats up with me?

[MrGimp]

did i died? ;__; if no then whats up with me?

Nah you're not dead, you're still extracting strands.  It was all just a dream of Urist's.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I had previously been entertaining the idea of ending the story by activating Urist as captain of the guard, going through a backlog of several decades of punishments, beating everyone to death then living out her days as a hermit with maybe one or two dwarfs so she could be buried.

But then she had kids.....so I didnt want to kill EVERY dwarf in the fortress here, now I want to see them grow up and inherit the crown.  But at the same time, I still wanted to see her go through the fortress beating the shit out of everyone.  So I did.   

[MrGimp]

And so with rising turmoil we begin the year 282...



As if affected by the tension in the air, one of the Khamerites, Urdim Nilesoddom, has gone all moody and possessed.

We expect to be mourning the loss of Mr Nilesoddom very soon....



...his life is claimed by the lack of shell.  It is such a deadly plague among dwarves.



The inability to finish his marvelous creation drove him berserk.  He chased several dwarves around before catching up with one of his siblings (a child) and beating him quite severely. 



He is eventually put down by the marksdwarves before he can do more serious harm.  Thus ends the short life of Urdim Nilesoddom.  What kind of name was that to give your child Khamero?  I mean really?  Nile Sodomy?  What were you doing to that poor wife of yours when you came up with this name?