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[GannonDorf]

"And its got a picture of a table and a bear on it.  What more could you ask for?"

... a picture of a bear and a table you say?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N8rQRcs-DzM/S_ghc2GLVKI/AAAAAAAAAMI/S3eRndRyBgw/s1600/patient_bear1.jpg

[MrGimp]

Yo dude how am I doing?

The original Huesoo died.  What was the name of your second character?

[MrGimp]

"And its got a picture of a table and a bear on it.  What more could you ask for?"

... a picture of a bear and a table you say?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N8rQRcs-DzM/S_ghc2GLVKI/AAAAAAAAAMI/S3eRndRyBgw/s1600/patient_bear1.jpg

The artwork relates to the rise of Soakglazes, the patient grizzly bear as an enemy of the Ageless Matched Lashes in 161.

[MrGimp]

While carving out the adventure tunnels and traps, a little diddy popped into my head.  This is dedicated to all the adventurers who have crossed the wilderness in their pursuit of glory.  Though mysterious their origins, their deaths are always so awesome.



The Life of an Adventurer

Theres a lever up there!
You should beware!
Theres a lever up there
if you dare to dare!
Where will it pour out
all the pain?
Will it pour out
Stone-blood or rain?

If you live, if you survive
Know that Death wins everytime!

Theres a fork in the road!
Who put it there?
Theres a fork in the  road
You must choose with care!
One path holds a life
of gold and 'tang
While the other is filled
With blood and pain

If you live, if you survive
Know that Death wins everytime!

[MrGimp]

Late in 264, the dwarven and human mercenary companies arrived at the capital of Behal Ladgi, where Prince Byakugan held his court.  Much had happened politically in the last several decades.  Behal Ladgi had been pinched between two goblin empires and mountains full of kobold raiders to its north.  As the power of the Ageless Matched Lashes had declined (culminating in Queen Cog's death so long ago), the Humans' only allies had been the dwarven civilization of the Ignited Wall.  This 'nation' was simply one dwarven mountain hall.  But now the Ignited Wall was part of Urist's empire, as were all dwarven nations except that of the Jade Irons.  Prince Byakugan was eager to cement his alliance with this new rising power any way he could.  Humans and dwarves had always been good friends.  They never competed for the same lands, and were natural trading partners and allies against elf and goblin alike. 

So when the dwarven and human mercenary captains approached the Prince with a proposition to invade the northern lands, he jumped at the chance.  By helping the Ageless Matched Lashes, he would secure his own borders against these powerful goblin hordes, who only a few decades ago were threatening to overrun all the dwarven mountain halls in the area and march on Behal Ladgi itself.

Byakugan ordered several detachments of his own troops to follow the united dwarven and human mercenary companies.  He also outfitted many of the poorer mercenaries who could not afford good equipment with high quality arms and armor from his own private stores.

When the army left the city walls the next spring, it was a sight to behold.  A force of this size had not been gathered since the days of the demon wars, nearly three centuries ago.  The northerners would soon learn how foolish they had been.

[BadSyntax]

Just finished reading this.  WOW. Best Fort thread EVAR. Can I have a dorf named Chuckles in the military, preferably a a guard or a hammerdwarf. 

[MrGimp]

Just finished reading this.  WOW. Best Fort thread EVAR. Can I have a dorf named Chuckles in the military, preferably a a guard or a hammerdwarf. 

Sure Ill put you in.  Im ahead of the story.  So youll show up in 269. 

[MrGimp]

Spring 265



Blockedlance has been surrounded by goblin hordes.  The local mercenaries have all ridden north, leaving both the human and dwarven lands weakly defended.  It was quite easy for the goblins to combine forces from several dark fortresses and converge on the great Dwarven capital.  They dared not attack however, and always stayed far from our walls.  Lord Jazz was enraged by this act of cowardice, and has circled the fortress by himself several times, trying to egg the goblins into a fight.  Whenever he drew close however, they drew away, back into the shadows and forests and swamps. 

These goblins had grown smart over the years.  They could not win with a direct assault, but now they would try to starve the dwarves out. 

(NOTE - The fortress has been considered under siege by DF for a while now.  Theres no one attacking me.  I sent Jazz around the fortress several times on patrol.  He found nothing.  The drawbridges have been left down.  No one has attempted to enter, neither goblin nor elf.  I am terribly vexed.  This prevents further sieges and traders from coming.)



In an effort to invigorate her armed forces, should the goblins grow some balls and assault, the Empress has rewarded two of the marksdwarves for their hard training.  She granted them the ancient dwarvish names of Kipi and Corcha.



One of the Grand Duchess' daughters had not been given an old dwarvish name in all these decades, and Urist sought to rectify that as well this year.  All hail Chare!  And look....I had not noticed this before, but Chare has a kill.  A dwarven kill no less!



Must have been some dwarf that went insane because they couldnt find shell or silk or something.  The Blockaded Clasp of Crumbling's mind crumbled from the horror of not having turtle shell to make crafts with.  Chare was there to put him down.

Also this year, we weeded the courtyard...



I dont like all this plant life in Armok's inner sanctum.  I keep ripping these plants up and cutting these trees down....and look at this place!  It looks like an elven forest retreat!

[BadSyntax]

I will watch this thread closely...

[Cheddarius]

Chop down all the trees, line the halls with ballistas, and have dwarves skewer unlucky civilians every once in a while.

[BadSyntax]

Chop down all the trees, line the halls with ballistas, and have dwarves skewer unlucky civilians every once in a while.

With training spears made from those very trees dotting the floor in a checkerboard pattern. (  A slow painful ironic death ). One switch to rule them all!

[MrGimp]

Spring 266.



Urist received word from her mercenaries this year when a messenger ran the blockade around Blockedlance.  Urist had hoped the army she had sent northwards would have arrived at the capital of the Jade Irons by now and laid siege.  Unfortunately, when she read the letter, she was informed by the dwarven mercenary captain that damned dirt elves had ambushed them repeatedly on their march towards the north.  The forests in that area were crawling with these blue blooded fire breathing immortals.  The mercenaries had done well, and had fought back the pointy-eared hordes.  They had set large sections of the northern forests ablaze.  This news warmed Urist's black heart, and helped tide her over until the army could get to the land of the Jade Irons. 

In other news...

Will there wasnt much other news this year.  The 'siege' continues.  No one attacks us, and no one can trade.  I am flexible.  I have contingency plans.  Ragnarok can happen whether the game is bugged or not.  But I still wish I could get this siege bug fixed.


Oh and yeah....more babies this year.

[MrGimp]

Spring 267.



More babies!  Ack!

I mean....uhhhh......joyous news!  More bouncing bundles of joy!!!

Hey at least they worship Armok (despite their young age).  That is the sole reason they have been allowed to live.  Hell....that was the sole reason they were bred in the first place!

The Empress received news this spring that her army of mercenaries had FINALLY reached the land of the Jade Irons.  They had burned several of the outlying villages, raided a few towns, and were now setting up a siege around the capital of the Jade Irons.  This mighty rabble of humans and dwarves had done it!  They had trekked across Sil Gomath and had brought the fight to the northerners!  Not only that, but all the other dwarven nations of Sil Gomath were undoubtedly receiving news of the army from their spies and scouts.  They would learn well what happens to those who oppose the Empress!



In celebration of this momentous event, a noble saw a chance to make something pompous and self-congratulatory....



Forkclubs the Flayed Plain huh?  Its got a picture of the legendary table on it....TWICE!!  Thats just outstanding creativity on the part of the artist!  I am amazed at the quality.  Im also amazed that someone would pay 272400 copper coins for a mug.

Ah who am I kidding?  No ones going to get a chance to buy that thing.  Its going to go straight into the Empress' treasure chest for her use only.

These dwarves are getting pretty gaudy themselves though.  Look at Chare's room...



Its overflowing with jewels.  Who said she could have these jewels?  This is fortress property!!!  I just dont get these bipolar dwarves.  One minute their anarcho-socialist, and the property of the fortress is free to grab.  Then the next minute their aristo-capitalists, hawking these SAME WARES that they just got for FREE, and charging dozens, even hundreds of copper coins for the privilege!



Thats a nice little racket the Grand Duchess' family has going huh?  They take all the stuff out of the fortress stockpiles, then Imhotep sells it back to the peasantry.  It's quite a scam....no wonder Imhotep is known as the wisest of Khamero's children.  He has learned the secret of great wealth...and that is that no one ever accumulated great wealth without shafting someone royally.

But shafting someone Imperially was where the money was REALLY at....and Urist was always several steps ahead on that score...



Yes thats right...due to the over zealousness of our craftsdwarf....we now have several raw adamantine crafts lying about. 

I caught it pretty quickly.  We didnt lose too much blue metal....but it still pisses me off.  Oh well.  At least the Empress has a real adamantine crown now.  Not just a pretend one.  And the fortress wealth increased by a million copper coins in less than a year!



w00t!

[MrGimp]

And because I know he is a fan favorite, here is an update on Eagle...


(ALSO NOTE - As you can see at the bottom....Imhotep is spending his ill-gotten gains on a life of shopping and gluttony.  Shame on him.)


Eagle is scratching out a meager living off of muddy plants and well water.  He makes some booze every now and again, when I remember to task it for him.  I am expanding his cave so that he has more plants and tower caps to use.  Honestly...I realize now that all it takes to make sure a hermit can live forever is a pool of water and some mud.  If the patch of mud is big enough, he can live off the plants grown there forever.  In fact....I dont know if Ill ever farm again.  One big underground mud room could feed the entire fortress.  You just have to cut the tower caps back every now and again to keep your fields productive.  And you dont really need a well to get at water...thats just a more fancy way of drinking.

Dwarves truly are amazingly sturdy arent they?  Mud and a puddle.  That's all they need.

[The Architect]

Ahh, my great plan comes together. Be patient, I told my siblings. Patient. Why? Because the most powerful are the wealthiest! And we will be the wealthiest.