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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 432313 times)

The Architect

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1830 on: May 01, 2010, 01:52:23 am »

Imhotep, you fool!

I hope you truly have the wisdom to go up against a god. However, I don't recommend it.
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Dwarf Fortress: where blunders never cease.
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Oh man. This is truly sig-worthy.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1831 on: May 01, 2010, 12:41:22 pm »

The year 258 passed without incident.  The Queen waited patiently for the battle for the fate of the universe that Armok had warned her was coming.  She eagerly awaited the blood.  But it refused to come.

She decided that the fortress must be prepared for whatever finally did come it's way.  While the Queen and the Duke partied by their adamantine statues, another Hammerer was sacrificed to the Blood God.



Urist thought about increasing the size of the military from its pathetic three fighting dwarves, and two incapacitated dwarves...but then she figured that shed rather have a challenge at Ragnarok.  She wanted to give the Elf Gods a sporting chance you see.

So Jazz, Akhier, and Madmokey24 stood guard alone over the fortress.  The Stonecutters continued building the massive outer wall higher and higher into the air, in defiance of any silly ideas the world had about ending.  Calibur finished his training as the fortress trader in 258, after scaring some elves away with skull totems and other crafts.  It still counted towards his appraiser skill and made him legendary.  I think scaring the elves away with skull totems is a pretty awesome way to become legendary. 

Now Imhotep has taken over as our trader.  All nobles in this fortress must become legendary appraisers and capitalists before they can truly be considered worthy of the purple.  Capitalism was such a natural outgrowth of feudalism, and even though Urist had risen to power as a peasant queen, it was now all about the bling.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Eagle

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1832 on: May 01, 2010, 01:05:46 pm »

Can we get a shot of Eagle's status and stats screens?

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1833 on: May 01, 2010, 01:16:35 pm »

Chapter #15 - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years

Spring 259, fifty years since Urist was crowned Queen.



Yes five decades of rule and 16 million dwarven credit units of wealth, huge stockpiles of the finest alcohols in the world, plenty of gourmet food, opulent engravings, bejeweled statues, stone murals, monumental constructions, several world-renowned dining halls, splendid bedrooms, underground spaces so big and massive that even sky loving humans were awed, and spiraling maze-like catacombs and mining tunnels, spiraling down to the underworld.

It was truly a home fit for dwarves, and if anyone disagreed, there were many dozens of ways they could be disemboweled.  Uncooperative dwarves just didnt exist at Blockedlance.  And so, in a great ceremony meant to re-envigorate the dwarven people and motivate them should Ragnarok come, Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs crowned herself Empress.



Megalomania was rampant among dwarves, but not since the days of Sankis the Beardless had a dwarf claimed an Imperial title.  As High Priest Kulaka placed the adamantine crown upon Urist's head, the peasants cheered with nationalistic fervor, as a man would cheer his local baseball team. 

"I have beaten back the elven hordes, slaughtered several generations of goblins, faced demons and spirits of fire...and now I proclaim my majesty over all dwarven nations!  All Dwarven Kings and Queens shall now bow to me. I have sent riders north to the dwarven capitals to inform them of this glorious news.  My people, hear me now!"  shouted the Empress Urist.  "We are the new dwarven elite!  We are the new nobility!  We are the master race!  I shall build our people an Empire to last a thousand years!!!"

A raucous roar erupted from the crowds below her.  She smiled cruelly at the foolish sheep.  They were putty in her hands.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Moose Fisher

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1834 on: May 01, 2010, 01:34:29 pm »

Dwarves like putty?  They are unworthy.  Dwarves must be like rock.  Strong enough to stand against their foes, yet weak enough to give way to the adamantine might of their almighty ruler, Empress Urist!

So, does this mean all the nobles below Urist get higher titles?
« Last Edit: May 01, 2010, 10:54:37 pm by Moose Fisher »
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"I'll bet ye've got all sorts o' barmy questions! (She mimics your heroic stance) Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?"
-Elderly Hive Dweller

TALLPANZER

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1835 on: May 02, 2010, 04:45:59 am »

Could I please be dwarfed? One of male kids if that can be done.
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Jackrabbit

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1836 on: May 02, 2010, 06:30:38 am »

If this was in the new version, you could really get into this "master race" thing.

Eugenics: DF has it, not due to any malevolence, but because it has to have everything.
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Cheddarius

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1837 on: May 02, 2010, 01:05:41 pm »

Except poop.
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Jackrabbit

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1838 on: May 02, 2010, 02:11:12 pm »

Yeah, but that'd be weird anyway.
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Cheddarius

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1839 on: May 02, 2010, 02:32:16 pm »

Yeah.
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Chaoseed

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1840 on: May 02, 2010, 03:20:30 pm »

Imhotep, you fool!

I hope you truly have the wisdom to go up against a god. However, I don't recommend it.

"When someone asks you if you're a god, you say...YES!"
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Surprisepalace! Overseers wanted!
But they never would have given up either. And compared to sitting around in this prison for the rest of my life? Losing is fun.

The Architect

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1841 on: May 02, 2010, 06:08:38 pm »

Well, at least now we know who we're gonna call.
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Dwarf Fortress: where blunders never cease.
The sigs topic:
Oh man, this is truly sigworthy...
Oh man. This is truly sig-worthy.

Jackrabbit

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1842 on: May 02, 2010, 06:10:54 pm »

It certainly doesn't look good, I'll admit.
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Ze Spy

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1843 on: May 02, 2010, 09:04:01 pm »

i find the "one dwarf will conquer a nation" quite funneh

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU ARE GOING TO NEED NATIONS TO KILL ME!"
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1844 on: May 03, 2010, 07:43:52 pm »

A new hammerer came this year.  His name was Melbil.



"Melbil?"  Urist said to herself when she heard the name.  "Melbil....that name sounds so familiar.  Where have I known a Melbil?"  She paused and thought for a moment.  "Bah!" she scoffed.  She turned to her attendant.  "Have him killed, as usual!"

"Yes, your majesty!"

Later that year, an event occurred that had not occurred in many years...



Goblins have found the brass balls to siege us!  After generations had been wiped out and the goblin nations left clinging to life amid the mountain crags, they had finally regrown enough warriors to march on Blockedlance.  Why they thought they stood a better chance this time was beyond the dwarves.

"So...you have come all this way to die?" asked Akhier as he waited for them at the Western Gate.



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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.
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