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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 434419 times)

Jackrabbit

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #825 on: July 08, 2009, 09:08:23 am »

Blockedlance is a shining beacon of light and hope for all the world! 
Blockedlance. Where both dwarf blood and irony are very shiny.
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #826 on: July 10, 2009, 12:13:18 am »

A human caravan came in to Blockedlance, and at their side was a group of riders led by the Baron.  The traders had been here before, but these new visitors stood in awe of the temple, and shocked to see so many windmills on the rooftops of the fortress.

As the traders traded, and the slaves hauled, the Baron and his men attempted to meet with the Queen.  They were refused.  Urist had given up oin that whole 'administration' thing.  She had left all the duties up to the Ducal Heir, Mafol Sabretwilights, and the three of his sisters that held administrative power in Blockedlance.  The Duchess was of course still in the picture, always loyal, fat, and happy.



So the Baron met with Mafol instead, who immediately showed him to the Human Diplomat.

"Please take him....he's been shattering our glass windows and claiming diplomatic immunity!" pleaded Mafol.

The diplomat Dunem Trickscars shuffled back and forth.  Drool fell from his lips as he uttered unintelligable babble to himself.  The Baron knew Dunem well from Prince Byakugan's court.  He was shocked to see him like this.

"Dunem!  Oh my gods!  What happened to you?" he cried.

"...f-fa...fa..fa fire...da...da....demons...." he stuttered at last, blinking his eyes eratically and staring off into space the entire time.

"He's gone crazy from the horros he's seen!" yelled Mafol.

"Oh no!" sobbed the Baron.  He grabbed Dunem by his shoulders and tried to shake him back to his senses.  "Dunem!  Snap out of it!!!  Come with me back to Behal Ladgi!"

"No!  No no no!" he cried as he ran off and shattered another pane of glass.



"Oh god damnit!" shouted Mafol.  "Are YOU gonna pay for this!  Fuck!  Look just leave him alone!  Let him deal with it.  We'll keep trying to give him booze and smoke him out.  Just leave him be for now...he knows what he's doing..."

Just then Dunem pulled his pants off and grabbed a shard of glass.  He began chasing dwarves around yelling, "Am I sexy?  Tell me Im sexy!" while he waved his genitals at them.  The guards tackled him...but of course, he claimed Diplomatic Immunity and had to be let go.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #827 on: July 10, 2009, 12:18:49 am »

WHAT

Jim Groovester

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #828 on: July 10, 2009, 12:26:30 am »

I find it hard to believe Queen Urist respecting diplomatic immunity. Or respecting anything at all.
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I understood nothing, contributed nothing, but still got to win, so good game everybody else.

Akhier the Dragon hearted

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #829 on: July 10, 2009, 11:53:23 am »

what do you mean? every queen needs a court jester!
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Quote
Join us. The crazy is at a perfect temperature today.
So it seems I accidentally put my canteen in my wheelbarrow and didn't notice... and then I got really thirsty... so right before going to sleep I go to take a swig from my canteen and... end up snorting a line of low-grade meth.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #830 on: July 10, 2009, 01:13:36 pm »

Yeah he livens up the place you know.  He actually spends most of his time moping around.  But every now and again another pane of glass is gone.  The bastard.

The humans did not take him with them when they embarked back to their homelands.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #831 on: July 10, 2009, 01:16:00 pm »

Teehee
We have our beginnings as a nudist colony now.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #832 on: July 10, 2009, 01:19:55 pm »

Most dwarves are already nude or sem-nude...even the nobles.  Unless you count mud, pus, vomit, and blood as clothing.  In that case all my dwarves are extravagantly clothed.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #833 on: July 10, 2009, 01:26:07 pm »

One of our forts last two children came of age.  In punishment for this crime, he was sent to be impaled in the temple.  He exploded into gore quite nicely when ten steel spears pierced his body in every conceivable nook and cranny.

I brought a video!


Also of note, we have reopened the peasant quarters after three years.  There are towercaps in the hallways and the bedrooms...and when dwarves open doors to the still flooded rooms, a bunch of water pours out into the hallway.  It's pretty funny.

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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #834 on: July 10, 2009, 02:04:59 pm »

Chapter #10 - A New Dawn

The fortress had been retaken, all opposition had been crushed.  The Eribites were entirely wiped out, the traitors among the freemasons had been cut down, and all of the rebel military was in chains below.  Queen Urist had managed to get the Duchess' children into all the positions of power.  Urist had killed their father when they were very young, and had been able to brainwash them their entire lives.  They were absolutely loyal.

It was a renaissance, a rebirth of Uristian law and order.  She was disappointed that the Eribite Heir had been killed...but there was one person she could still take joy in seeing misery heaped upon.

Myth was pulled from his bed in the tower early one morning.  There had been no warning.  As far as he had known, there was still a chance for him and his men to be freed and to launch an uprising that could bring down the Queen.  Myth was paraded down into the depths of the great fortress.  He was taken to the heart of the forges deep in the old demon pits.  Aldaris stood next to a lever wearing an executioner's mask.  The Queen read his charges.

"Grand Master Myth Kediden of the once noble Cult of the Free Mason, you are charged and convicted of heresy, treason, embezzlement, fraud, extortion, thievery, racketeering, money laundering, impersonating representatives of the state, kidnapping, bribery, lying under oath, falsely accusing innocent citizens, conspiracy to murder, conspiracy against the crown, conspiracy against the state, hate crimes, crimes against dwarfkind, crimes against peace, crimes against the planet, stealing candy from babies, and oh yeah, cheating me at poker that one time.  How do you respond?"

"Huh?  Hey most of the stuff on that list was stuff you ordered me to do!"

"Silence!!!" shouted the Queen.  "I find you guilty!  Furthermore, in penitence for your crimes I sentence you to burn in the eternal hellfires of the Underworld!"  The Queen nodded to Aldaris, who pulled the lever, dopping Myth to his fate...

Video!

While Myth was plunging into the putrid sulfury fires of the Underworld, above them in the temple the rebel military dwarves (minus their commanders) were being locked into the new pin pricking room.  In full armor, they were impaled over and over again by single wooden spears.  How long will it take to die?  Lets find out, shall we?


http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1522-slowdeathtrap1


http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1523-slowdeathtrap2




Go Fil!  Pull pull pull!!!  Theyre not all dead yet!  Keep pullin that lever!

(New to the fort, and you're already slaughtering dwarves Fil, thats pretty good.)
« Last Edit: July 10, 2009, 03:29:51 pm by MrGimp »
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

filiusenox

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #835 on: July 10, 2009, 02:33:01 pm »

YAY ME!

or

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

hey can i make a new freemasons guild that does not become rebels?
and is loyal to the queen?
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #836 on: July 10, 2009, 03:06:45 pm »

Sorry I actually already had plans to do that and I was gonna use one of the former freemasons (Aldaris or Montague).

You people need to stop reading ahead!  Youre getting to future plot points even before I can!     :D
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #837 on: July 10, 2009, 03:18:53 pm »

Fili, Psychic has become more experienced!

filiusenox

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #838 on: July 10, 2009, 03:22:06 pm »

I wanna join!

and i have a very good sense of plot.Sorry.
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #839 on: July 10, 2009, 03:37:33 pm »

Sure, Ill let you be a member.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.
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