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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 433177 times)

MrGimp

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #30 on: December 13, 2008, 01:41:43 pm »



Spring 207.  The elves scatter in terror at the sight of our elf and human skull totems. 

"I will never understand those damn elves!" Urist was heard to remark.





After a year of smoothing and engraving the residence halls, Urist decided she would carve out a massive palace complex.  You know, in case another queen came along, of course.  After carving the throne room, she went on to carve the east wing and the royal bedroom when all of a sudden she struck a cave river waterfall !  It was an amazing sight, spectacular even!

"I couldn't have planned this better!  A waterfall right in my...errr....the royal bedroom!  It's perfect!" Urist shouted in excitement.  She rushed to establish a new design.





The rest of the year could have been described as 'Problems with Magma'...



In an attempt to carve a magma forge in the adamantine-rich demon pits, Urist carved a channel.  But there was another magma pool above, and this played havoc on which stone she could and could not channel out.  In the first mishap, Urist nearly fell into molten lava.



Then she carved a new channel.



But she didnt pay attention to how the changed plans affected the tunnels below.  This resulted in lava spilling out into the only exit back to the surface that Urist had. 



Urist makes her escape from the Underworld.

The lava eventually evaporated, and so we now only have 3 tiny pools of lava for the entire fort. 

Damn.





Oh well...at least the Palace is coming along nicely.
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MrGimp

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #31 on: December 13, 2008, 06:26:50 pm »

"Then it is agreed?"

"Yes, it is," said Morul Cryptassault, the legendary trader of Blockedlance.  "I am your loyal servant in this endeavor.  We must act now to save our great nation."

"Good.  I will need your help in the coming months and years."  Urist sipped her cup of sunshine.  "We will need to get the Queen's man on board," she added.

"He shouldn't be a problem."

"No...either way...he wont be a problem," Urist chuckled.  "Well then, there it is.  Onto other matters....I think we need to stop this uselss 'trading with others' policy.  Have the goblin's trading goods seized."

"Yes, my lady," said Morul.  He bowed and left the gigantic bedroom Urist had been living in.





The Goblins leave Blockedlance, fearing their lives were in jeopardy anywhere near these insane creatures.




Urist finished setting up the magma forge and worked day and night smelting iron and casting it into different things.  She started learning blacksmithing along with her stoneworking.  When she ran out of hematite ore, she mined out a massive glob of magnetite over the course of a weekend.



She realized how much output she could produce compared to the other dwarves.  She began to realize her superiority.  She could run this entire place alone.

I only need them to haul stone, Urist thought to herself.

Urist spent the year smelting, smithing, and mining and STILL found time to add finishing touches to the royal bedroom under construction one floor deeper than the commoners' rooms.  That's just how badass she is.

Meanwhile, the other dwarves were in awe of the power of her pick, and the speed of her chisel.  They adored the masterwork engravings that covered every wall...






And Urist's personal favorite, the one she carved relentlessly over and over...




The dwarves idolized the legendary Urist.  She could do no wrong, even though no one really knew her well enough to call her a friend.  All her friends had died, and Urist had replaced relationships with work.  The people she knew now were all passing acquaintances.  They still loved her despite her aloofness, however, perhaps even because of it.  They knew she was batshit insane, but dwarves view insanity as charming. 

"Sanity is like life without beer," the great dwarf sage Cog Fucius once said.

And so it was that even the Clerk Mafol Lanceappears, friend of the murdered fallen Queen, came to support Urist's rule.
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MrGimp

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #32 on: December 13, 2008, 06:36:41 pm »

Chapter #2 - Revolution!!!



It is spring 209.  The reclaim effort has been going on 5 years now.  I looked at the legends real quick, and I know why theres no queen coming.  My civ doesnt have any rulers!



Apparently, and I hadnt realized this...my civ had their last mountain hall destroyed 30 years before Blockedlance was founded in 200.  In 201, the Ageless Matched Lashes rebuilt the mountain hall at Letterclose, which Queen Cog had actually fled from 30 years ago after the old ruler was killed and mutilated.

Now...the crown should be inherited by whomever is the last surviving local leader of a civ right?

That can mean only one thing...



All hail Urist Salvedangers, Queen of the Ageless Matched Lashes!!!  Long live Queen Urist!
« Last Edit: March 23, 2009, 12:25:41 am by MrGimp »
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Jackrabbit

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #33 on: December 13, 2008, 06:52:11 pm »

Que insane laugh!
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Warlord255

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #34 on: December 13, 2008, 06:54:32 pm »

I know now what I must do.

A coup such as this must be staged, that a Dwarven warrior might be promoted to King, leading the armies into battle.
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MC Dirty

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #35 on: December 15, 2008, 04:09:24 am »

All hail the great and mighty Queen Urist!

Also, bump for awesomeness!
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MrGimp

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #36 on: December 15, 2008, 05:42:13 pm »



No sooner had Urist announced her ascension, and crowned herself queen than a band of hardy dwarves with manly beards on their sacks showed up.  Word spread fast around these parts.  Apparently, there were many survivors of the destruction of Letterclose, clinging to a meager existence out here in these haunted and terrifying lands.

Urist greeted them warmly.  The food stockpiles were overflowing, the mines coming along nicely, the forges set up, and the cave itself was becoming quite ornately decorated.  Most of the new migrants became warriors, and the former soap makers set out to train in combat.



The year 209 also brough us our very first artifact!  It is a bone greave, so its useless in a fort with steel and adamantine.  But whatever.  The guy who carved it is now a legendary bone carver, and my other bone carver is almost legendary.  Blockedlance is running out of bone because of these two.

Urist knew that if she was to build a safe haven for nearby dwarves to come to, she needed to forify this area.  All by herself she began building a wall around the perimeter of the fortress.  She was the forts only mason, but she was faster than a whole crew of masons.  She had to destroy a few things to make way for the wall, and Urist was surprised to notice a CHILD helping to clear the path for the new wall.



"Morul!  Damnit, what is this kid doing up here?"

"Your majesty?"

"This child right here!"  Queen Urist pointed.  "Who told this child to come up here and remove this construction?"

"Uhhh...nobody, your majesty."

"Then why is this child removing this construction???" Urist nearly shouted.

"Uhhh...I hate to break it to you your majesty, but...."




Just as Urist and Morul were discussing the issue, someone came running with news that a craftsdwarf of Blockedlance has just carved the most valuable artifact in the known world....a totally plain Adamantine Mug!!!



It was worth 600,000 dwarfbucks.  Urist had it placed in her dining room.
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MrGimp

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #37 on: December 15, 2008, 06:21:54 pm »



It is now Spring of 210.  Another small band of migrants showed up and more dwarves continue to stumble out of the dark forest into our encampment throughout the year.

Soon we are a healthy sized hamlet again.  We seem to have survived our grand disembowelment at the hands of the fire spirits.  The goblins dont even seem to haunt this place anymore.  Instead, they come to trade! 

"Your majesty, I must confess, I am perplexed by your trading policies," said Morul Cryptassault during a meeting one day.

"Yes?  And why is that?"

"Well, we seem to just keep taking everything from the goblins and elves."

"What's wrong with that Morul, we've never robbed dwarves."

"Oh, yes, your majesty!  But wont they get mad and attack us?"

"Hahahaha!"  Queen Urist laughed heartily.  "Oh come now Morul, dont you WANT to fight elves and goblins?"

"Uhhh...I....well, sure....I guess."

"Good.  Because I want to fucking kill them.  Badly."  Urist sipped sunshine out of her new adamantine mug.  There was a knock at the door.  Urist motioned Morul to answer it.  It was a peasant carrying a rose quartz harp.

"Your majesty, I have another gift for you!" said a peasant as he hauled the harp in.



"Yes, it is very lovely, put it over there.  Tell me peasant, what is the name of this artifact?" asked Urist.

"Rimtar Glovestokers...it's named after its maker!" smiled the dwarf.

"Yes...how charming.  Well Morul...I believe that's it.  OH!  Can you look in to this demonic infestation I keep hearing about?"

"Demonic infestation, your majesty?" asked Morul.



"Yeah...Ive heard several peasants complain about large dead rats stinking up the store room.  Be a dear and make sure it's cleaned up would you?"

"Yes, your majesty."  Morul headed out to take care of Blockedlance's demon rat problem.



Meanwhile, that uppity child is at it again!  This time she has entered some kind of strange mood!  Urist was horrified by these developments that go counter to nature's plan. 



A turtle shell bracelet.  Hey, at least it's got a demon on it.  That's cool.



Damnit!

ANOTHER legendary bone carver!?!?!?

How many do we need???
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Jackrabbit

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #38 on: December 15, 2008, 08:23:11 pm »

12

To deal with the bones of goblins and elves.

*Evil laugh*
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MrGimp

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #39 on: December 16, 2008, 02:50:38 pm »



And soon it came to pass that it was spring of 211.  Rifotkubuk, the great fortress of Blockedlance, had grown into a mighty village.  The requirements of running the place were beginning to put a strain on Queen Urist.  She convened the triumvirate of power that was Blockedlance's government.  Morul the trader and Mafol the Clerk met with Urist in the grand throne room.  Urist sat on a platinum throne, sipping sunshine out of her ever present Adamantine mug; Ashokvakist ('Timelaces').

"What I propose is ceding more power to you, Morul.  Perhaps you could run the day to day affairs?  Just make sure the stockpiles are full, and the vermin are kept out.  And if the peasants have a complaint you will be the man they go to.  In return I will let you sleep in the old overseer's room."

"Uh, yes your majesty.  That sounds very good, thank you!" smiled Morul.

"Yes, we'll do it in a way that makes the peasants feel good...like an election.  We'll have you elected mayor!"

"Oh, your majesty, you do me too much justice.  Could I really win an election?"

"Sure, you're popular enough!  Don't worry, either way, I will make sure you are mayor.  I count the votes afterall!" laughed Urist.  Morul smiled uneasily.

"Uh, your majesty?" asked Mafol Lanceappears, the Clerk.

"Yes?"

"What new powers should I assume?" he asked happily.

"Oh......ummmm...well, I know!  Why don't you assist Morul?  You could help him keep the demon rats out of the storeroom, and just make sure this place is kept tidy."

"Well, forgive me your majesty, but that's my job now.  I was hoping I could get more responisbilities...and maybe a bigger room?"

"Well Mafol, I - " Urist began.  Suddenly, a guard entered the throne room and approached Urist.  He whispered something into the Queens ear.  "Yes, let them in," she nodded.  "Well, gentlemen, we're going to have to cut this short.  It appears some more migrants have arrived, including someone who claims to be a 'Dungeon Master'.  I shall speak with you again.  Congratulations Morul, you can begin moving your stuff into the room right away."

"Yes your majesty!"

Urist went off to meet this Master of Dungeons.



The Dungeon Master's name was Ast Lulledmerchant.  She was a worshipper of Ber Steelearthern, the Dyes of Brightness, just as Urist was.  But immediately the two did not get along.  Urist was hoping the Dungeon Master might take some of the administrative slack off of her hands, but it wasn't to be the case.  Ast had no patience for administration, and spent all her time pondering fell beasts and treasure.  She had quite opulent tastes.  Urist carved a room out for her immediately, but Ast was horribly upset at Urist's accomodations.  Ast didn't seem to think Urist was a legitimate Queen.  If Ast really was a Dungeon Master, then perhaps she had a fortress somewhere?  Perhaps Ast thought herself the rightful heir to the throne of the Ageless Matched Latches? 

Urist decided to keep an eye on this one.



Meanwhile, someone carved Urist ANOTHER rose quartz harp.  This one was much cooler, however, as it had a picture of a dwarf holding up Ashokvakist, the admantine mug that Urist loved so much. 

Before the summer was over, more problems plagued Blockedlance.  Morul had come to Urist wondering what to do with a dry well.

'Damnit Morul, YOU are the Mayor!  The whole reason I made you mayor was so YOU could deal with this kind of stuff!!!  So go deal with it!  Build a new damn well somewhere!"

"Well that's the problem, your majesty!  The next nearest pool of water is incredibly tiny and weve been using it as a garbage dump for excess animal lard," explained Morul.





Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"
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DI7789

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #40 on: December 16, 2008, 04:29:10 pm »

Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"


Pre-Sigged ;D excellent story, its rekindled my love for the name 'Urist'

Edit for typo
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AlienChickenPie

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #41 on: December 17, 2008, 05:30:50 pm »

Shirty five horse fat?
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LegoLord

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #42 on: December 17, 2008, 05:40:30 pm »

Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"


Pre-Sigged ;D excellent story, its rekindled my love for the name 'Urist'

Edit for typo
Interesting fun fact:  there is no evidence suggesting that Mary Antoinette said "let them eat cake."  As far as historians can tell, she had no idea there was a protest going on, and someone just claimed she said that to get the people riled up.
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Plank of Wood

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #43 on: December 17, 2008, 05:42:51 pm »

Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"


Pre-Sigged ;D excellent story, its rekindled my love for the name 'Urist'

Edit for typo
Interesting fun fact:  there is no evidence suggesting that Mary Antoinette said "let them eat cake."  As far as historians can tell, she had no idea there was a protest going on, and someone just claimed she said that to get the people riled up.

Though she did get the trains to run on- oh, wait.
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Qmarx

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Re: Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs
« Reply #44 on: December 17, 2008, 06:23:36 pm »

So, wait.  Is the name Salved-angers, or Salve-dangers?
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