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[Ze Spy]

you should of said "Chosen One" instead of chosen Champion so that i don't get messed up

[mathlc]

THIS IS A FUCKING AWESOME STORY

THANK YOU!!!

I started building sacrifice altars because of you.

Hell yeah.   

Now if you ever start building sacrificial altars FOR me, here is what my majesty requires....

Gimp Almighty's Weekly Sacrificial Demands
1. Place 7 ounces of dried rat weed in a rope reed bag beneath the golden altar of The Gimp, so that my lungs may never know a breath of fresh air.
2. Place 7 barrels of dwarven ale beneath the altar, one barrel for each day, so that my mind may never know sobriety.  It is blasphemous to place elf drinks in my presence.
3. Sacrifice 7 kittens in my honor, and place their delicious meat at my altar.
4. Sacrifice 21 virgins in my honor, three for each day of the week.  In fact, I'd prefer it if you don't really sacrifice them...just kinda leave them there...then close the door.  Don't worry...I'll get 'em.

lol......win

[Ninja Pichu]

So, how is Eagle doing anyways?

Still chilling in his cave?

[Cheddarius]

In west Blockedlance born and raised
In the hermitcave was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' fightin' goblins all brave
And all shootin some goblins outside of the cave
When a couple of orcs
Who were up to no good
Startin killin' dwarves in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my queen got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your goblin and dragon in Bel-Air'

[MrGimp]

Name: Chare (Female)
Profession: Anything to do with stone or metal (Blacksmith, Weponsmith, Armoursmith, Miner, Mason, whatever.)

No problemo.

i am just going to request another one

Name : R. Ced Chlore

I suppose.  Although I'll probably live to regret it.

If theres any room, could you add me?  Preferrably male, but female wouldn't bother me.  I'd like my Dwarf to be a sort of warrior priest... Mace wielder would be most appropriate, but hammer or axe would be fine.  As for a story, he could be a high ranking member of the church of Armok, though below the high priest and priestess of course.  Perhaps he could have a role in sacrifices... Gather a large number of prisoners and slaughter them all! Let the blood flow! That sort of thing.  He'd be a complete fanatic, blindly loyal to Armok and his chosen champion, Queen Urist.

You're in.  Blindly loyal dwarves are always welcome!

[MrGimp]

So, how is Eagle doing anyways?

Still chilling in his cave?

Eagle just lazes around forgotten most of the time.  In fact, the tale of Eagle has been quite sad and alcohol free lately.  He ran out of booze and was drinking water for YEARS before I realized he needed to make more.  Think of the horror.  Can you imagine the madness he must have suffered from?!

He also made a bunch of spears and mechanisms for a repeating weapon trap.  I haven't had him install the thing entirely yet.  I should get on that.  Its taken him twenty years to do this.  lol

[MrGimp]

In west Blockedlance born and raised
In the hermitcave was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' fightin' goblins all brave
And all shootin some goblins outside of the cave
When a couple of orcs
Who were up to no good
Startin killin' dwarves in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my queen got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your goblin and dragon in Bel-Air'

Hell yeah!

[MrGimp]

Spring 262



Another tick of the clock and a new calendar gets hung on the walls.  The dwarves celebrate the event with beer.

This fortress is old man...



Hey I was saving that fox for modding you summummabitch!

Gods dammit!  Now what am I gonna do?  Trade with elves for more animals?  Ack!

We don't take kindly to non dwarves around here...well, except for humans, cuz theyre pretty beardly....but these elves and goblins are not welcome here!!! 

They sure do like to try and get in though....



Another goblin horde assaults us this year.  Having kept the fortress sealed, Urist knew there were no dwarves out in the fields.  She ordered non military dwarves inside, then the Empress decided to have a little fun and opened the gates.

In rushed the gobbos...



A few beak dogs and goblins were caged immediately.  The rest were peppered with bolts from above.  The goblins returned fire, but our dwares were invinci-



Hey wait....what?

Nightwing took a goblin bolt to the throat!  He clamored away from the walls, but collapsed before he could reach a bed and medical attention.  He died there on that rooftop, in front of his squad.

Enraged, the dwarves sought revenge on the green skins!

Drowning in iron bolts and their own blood, the goblins frantically set everything ablaze.



The carnage was glorious.

When the battle was over, the dwarves had time to mourn their loss amid the smoke and gore.



Farewell Nightwing.  You will surely be missed in the next battle.

[Cheddarius]

The dwarves are vengeance. The dwarves are the night.

[maxicaxi]

The dwarves are vengeance. The dwarves are the night.

[MrGimp]

Oh yeah, by the way, for those who are interested...

Spoiler: I won my court case (click to show/hide)

It took nearly six months, a bunch of paperwork, and going to court three times, but I won the damn case.  I had forgotten the date of the last trial, and didnt remember it until the day before.  Then I tried to get my paperwork together and half of it was missing (hey its been a six month process alright).  The other half that wasnt missing was half brown from soda being spilled on it.  I didnt have time to reprint it. 

So I went to court with only half my paperwork, totally high and with soda spilled all over my evidence.  I was one of the first on the docket.  He didnt show (of course).  I presented my soda paper to the judge ('Commissioner' technically...whatever...its a judge).  She read through it, asked me a couple questions...I gave her more soda paper, then she said 'alright, judgment of $5485 for the plaintiff'.

Fuck yeah.   

I AM THE LAW!!!

[Theodolus]

Oh yeah, by the way, for those who are interested...

I AM THE LAW!!!

The Empress might have to argue that assertion...

Honestly, though, congrats. It's nice to see that the justice system gets it right once in a while at least.
Awesome story, by the way. Three days of absolute, productivity sucking, awesome.

With that said, I want in. Any dwarf will do, but preferably a zealot of Armok. I'm thinking more along the lines of the zealot type who is absolutely on fire for their deity all the way up to their horrible, bloody death at which point they realize that their deity was just fucking with them all along. But an axe-dwarf would work too.

[Cheddarius]

MR GIMP IS VENGEANCE! MR GIMP IS THE LAW!

[IHateOutside]

Congrats on getting what you were owed in court and on an awesome story. I can't wait for the apocalyptic ending! 

[Huesoo]

Oh yeah, by the way, for those who are interested...

Spoiler: I won my court case (click to show/hide)

It took nearly six months, a bunch of paperwork, and going to court three times, but I won the damn case.  I had forgotten the date of the last trial, and didnt remember it until the day before.  Then I tried to get my paperwork together and half of it was missing (hey its been a six month process alright).  The other half that wasnt missing was half brown from soda being spilled on it.  I didnt have time to reprint it. 

So I went to court with only half my paperwork, totally high and with soda spilled all over my evidence.  I was one of the first on the docket.  He didnt show (of course).  I presented my soda paper to the judge ('Commissioner' technically...whatever...its a judge).  She read through it, asked me a couple questions...I gave her more soda paper, then she said 'alright, judgment of $5485 for the plaintiff'.

Fuck yeah.   

I AM THE LAW!!!

Fuck yeah man.