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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 432312 times)

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1875 on: May 30, 2010, 12:44:50 am »

Do I have any useful skills or whatnot?
Can nobles work? I heard they could work.

You're actually a legendary woodcrafter after carving an artifact ring.  I dont know if Id call that useful though.   :)
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Ze Spy

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1876 on: May 30, 2010, 01:02:25 am »

i know this is impossible , but can i do something using something?

*Runs into Urist's throne and Sprays a Picture with the text "George Washington just Whipped Yo Ass" on a random wall*

i am still laughing at Urist for letting me kill a sizable chunk of the millitary
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TALLPANZER

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1877 on: May 30, 2010, 03:47:07 am »

I hope I can start making artifacts soon. I want to make a spear, then join the military and use said spear. THE UNBLOCKED LANCE!
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"So while a handful of psychopaths in lab coats are turning Japan into a land of mythological beasties to bang, the USSA's drowning in stupidity, China doesn't exist anymore, and Canada's just sitting there waiting for all this shit to blow over so they can go back to being Canada. Oh, and South Korea think they're Zerg now." <-Slag explains fallout in a nutshell

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1878 on: May 30, 2010, 09:34:24 am »

Oh dear.  Autumn was not too kind to us this year.  Some demons flew in from off the map, circled around high in the air, swooped down and smashed up my windmills, then took off back beyond the map edge.








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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Cheddarius

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1879 on: May 30, 2010, 11:21:42 am »

Dang.
Maybe station marksdwarves there?

Anyway, I'm a legendary woodcrafter but I can't craft anything? :/
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1880 on: May 30, 2010, 02:16:58 pm »

Dang.
Maybe station marksdwarves there?

Anyway, I'm a legendary woodcrafter but I can't craft anything? :/

You can craft things.  I let nobles work.  In fact, since most of the population is noble now, many of them are going to HAVE to work.  I guess you can be a woodcutter/woodcrafter.  It helps build a solid princely character to brave the horrors of the sun in order to chop down trees and carve them into things.
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Cheddarius

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1881 on: May 30, 2010, 02:28:02 pm »

Woo! Can I have a good-material and good-quality axe? Iron or steel, perhaps?
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1882 on: May 30, 2010, 02:37:59 pm »

Winter of 259 brings a bitter cold wind to our great home. 



Another siege!

The Empress orders the bridges raised to prevent an all out slaughter.  Two dwarves were not going to be enough anymore!  Raising the bridges trapped Moose outside, but this was a sacrifice that had to be taken to prevent the western gate from being overrun.

Moose ran in terror, tripping over some uneven ground and falling through a crevice.  She noticed a door to her right, covered in dirt and brush and looking as if it had not been opened in many decades.  She heaved it open and leapt inside the strange cavern, locking it behind her.  She knew not where she was, but she was safe.  Here she could wait out the siege...unless she died of thirst, of course...



(The cavern was carved by Eribite pagans as a refuge long ago.  They did not complete the farms and booze stockpiles in time, and never made it to safety.  Such is the richness of Blockedlance's history!)

As Moose hid in the long forgotten secret nook, the Empress tried to organize a defense.  She decided she would funnel all of the goblins to the eastern gate, where cage traps and a narrow corridor would hopefully give her two legendary warriors the advantage they needed to win.  The two champions assured the Empress of their strength.

Jazz boasted of his artifact buckler and its many spikes...



MadMonkey24 boasted of his artifact iron short sword with it's demon engraving, bringing it the power and blessings of Armok...



The Empress did indeed admire their masterwork equipment, and was awed by their warrior spirit.  But two dwarves would just not be enough.  As she thought about it she realized that there were soon going to be enough faithful worshipers of Armok to run the fortress themselves.  The pagans were no longer needed.  Urist immediately ordered the drafting of all pagans that were not Stonecutters.  She formed two squads of peasants and armed them with crossbows, the only weapon these unskilled fighters could score a kill with.



Urist even drafted Asmel Zulbandak (Khamero's mom).  Ha! 

With the preparations complete, Urist ordered the new marksdwarves to the barracks rooftop firing platform.  The bridge was lowered and the goblins were let through...

« Last Edit: May 30, 2010, 04:06:21 pm by MrGimp »
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Moose Fisher

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1883 on: May 30, 2010, 04:01:48 pm »

This is going to end well, I'm sure of it.

Maybe Moose will reunite with Eagle, or Blockedlance
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"I'll bet ye've got all sorts o' barmy questions! (She mimics your heroic stance) Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?"
-Elderly Hive Dweller

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1884 on: May 30, 2010, 04:21:17 pm »

The bridge is lowered and the goblins charge towards the east.  As one squad of goblins crosses the bridge and begins encountering the cage traps, another squad in the south bursts into flames.

Drawn to the column of smoke, the dwarves watched with glee as the goblins chased one of our stray horses and setting themselves on fire in the process. 



Four goblins died, as well as a couple beak dogs.  The best part was that the horse got away!!!

The other squad fared a bit better, and due to the fact that our cage traps were already so full, they managed to get passed our traps! 

Jazz and MadMonkey24 confronted a goblin Mace Lord and the remnants of his squad.



He and his green skinned cronies end up wearing their assholes inside out.  More gobbos pour into the now cagetrap-less corridor.  Captain Coder and Steve order their squads to fire at will at the hapless horrors below.  The carnage of battle is great.  As goblin parts begin flying up onto the barracks rooftop, the rookie peasants vomit and scream like elves.



Captain Coder keeps his men together and manages to force the last squad of goblins to retreat....or at least, whats left of them.  Only two goblins actually survive, and manage to lead a riderless host of beak dogs back home.



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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

The Architect

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1885 on: May 30, 2010, 06:07:42 pm »

*Cheers from the spectators*
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darkflagrance

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1886 on: May 30, 2010, 06:26:31 pm »

Did Moose make it?
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CJ1145

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1887 on: May 30, 2010, 06:55:55 pm »

I need myself a dwarf.

Name him Who
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Moose Fisher

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1888 on: May 30, 2010, 08:06:07 pm »

Did Moose make it?

Moose shall live on in spirit if she didn't!

Hopefully she's resourceful despite her quarcain withdrawls.
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"I'll bet ye've got all sorts o' barmy questions! (She mimics your heroic stance) Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?"
-Elderly Hive Dweller

Ze Spy

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #1889 on: May 30, 2010, 08:55:35 pm »

Guess Fireball Goblins ain't gotta work out now , eh? , might as well make them fireproof , so that they'll stop burning themselves to death

but on the downside , your magma moat is not going to be needed
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