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[Ze Spy]

nice saga , liked the scene where the clerk and the mayor fought a failure battle with snakemens
can we still join it? if yes , then i choose a dwarf of any weapon skill , name "Spaher" , and try to choose a millitary dwarf that has the highest agile skill(unchoosen) for me , spaher means scout , which should pretty much answer any question of why a fast one

EDIT : oh hey! 1337 replies! , so supposingly i get the 1337 replier medal?(joke)

[Tradanbattlan]

On the first day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A druid hanging from a tree!

On the second day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Two little cats and a Druid hanging from a tree!

On the third day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Three prisoners, two little cats and a Druid hanging from a tree!

On the fourth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a Druid hanging from a tree!

On the fifth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

FIIIIVE DEMON PIIIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the sixth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Six carp a ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the seventh day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the eigth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the ninth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nine arrow wounds, Eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the tenth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ten elf invasions, nine arrow wounds, eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two llittle cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the eleventh day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Eleven planters planting, ten elf invasions, nine arrow wounds, eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid haning from a tree!

(Get ready now!)
On the twelfth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Twelve barrels of booze, eleven planters planting, ten elf invasions, nine arrow wounds, eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a DRUUUUIIIIID HANGING FROM A TREEEEE!!

[Labs]

Very nice!

[MrGimp]

WARNING

The Dwarves have suspended the construction of the Rat Weed Thread: Interrupted by Blasphemy


The following post suffers from inordinate amounts of blasphemy.  Oh yes, we take some lords names in vain here folks.  The post was meant in jest, and is more a mockery of the evil world we live in than of any particular religion.  Jebus P. Christ is definitely the good guy in this story.  Id also like to take this moment to blame Jackrabbit for all the lines I crossed in this post.  It was his idea to post a Christmas Special, and so it is obviously entirely and completely his fault.

And so now that I have washed my hands clean of any responsibility for my actions, I present to you the Blockedlance Christmas Special!!!  Just a further heads up...they dont celebrate his birth folks, they celebrate his death!  Its pretty brutal.  Only read this screed if you hold absolutely nothing sacred.   

Spoiler: The Blockedlance Christmas Special (click to show/hide)

And so the dwarves rattled away in their hole...forgotten by their Gods and the universe itself.  They toiled away the entirety of the year 238 without doing much.  The pyramid was only inching into the sky due to the lack of dolomite.  The expansions to the moat and temple could only add so much dolomite, and the Stonecutters basically alternated between cutting stone, and then hauling stone. 

And at the end of the year, the Queen gave the Stonecutters a few hours off.  Hey...its Christmas ya know?  Carried away by the joy of the season, Urist had a tax collector crucified at the gates to the fortress.  Oh the wailing really got everyone into the Christmas spirit!

The crucifixion even brought Armok up from the demon pits below Blockedlance.  He wept with pride as he saw his Chosen One, Urist, throwing rocks and laughing at the tax collector as he hung helpless and dying very slowly.

"Gather round dwarves!  I shall tell you of the first Christmas!" boomed the voice of Armok throughout the courtyard of the fortress.

"Yeah story time!" shouted one of the dwarves.

They had grown accustomed to the fact that what they had once known as Ber Steelearthen, was in fact, the dreaded Armok they had been raised to hate.  But they also believed that the old dwarven society was weak and corrupted by goody goody elven morals.  They were ready to believe that Armok was just the ancient dwarvish name for Ber Steelearthen.  The two names were now interchangable among the laydwarves.  Only the nobility strictly referred to him as Armok.

"Yeah!  Ber's gonna tell us where Christmas came from!  I always wanted to know!" shouted another poor ignorant peasant.

No one even questioned Armok's gruesome scarred and burnt appearance.  Many a dwarf had battlewounds themselves, and in fact they admired the beardliness of their Demon-God that lived under their fortress.  Yes the brainwashing had been completed.  And so Armok began...

"You see...it all started just after world gen.  A star heralded the birth of a being of great power.....a God.  I sent some emissaries to my fellow deity, you know...to size him up.  I had my three wise guys tell his parents, 'hey we're just giving him some presents okay?'.  I dont even know what they gave him...just some junk they found.  I think they said they gave him some Myrrh.  I mean....what the fuck is Myrrh?  I guess its like rat weed or something."

Armok paused to take a puff off his pipe, then he continued his story.

"So they smoked some Myrrh with the guy's family, then they came back to me and were like, 'Nah man, dont worry bout that guy...hes cool'.  I didnt understand them at the time...I figured they were a bunch of Myrrh addicts...so I had them all executed.  It turns out though that they were right.  I had nothing to fear from this Jebus character.  Wait....was that his name?"

Armok took another puff of rat weed.

"Yeah...Jebus P. Christ.  Thats it....I think.  Anyways....this Jebus guy turned out to be the God of Love and Peace....haha!  I mean....Love and Peace?  If those are your powers then you might as well not even be a God!"

"Was he some kind of elf?" asked a dwarf.

"Oh no....he was a dwarf alright.  He had a beard and everything.  He was skinny like an elf...but thats just cuz he walked everywhere.  Thats the thing...he was always using his God powers for good.  Always healing the sick and feeding hungry people."

"What?!" shouted the audience in disbelief.

"Yeah!" laughed Armok.  "He would create fish and bread for these people, and I always though, man, just create a pile of gold and some naked women!  Ya know?!  I mean.....HELLO JEBUS!!!  Ahhh....but he was weird.  He even tried to bring people back from the dead.  I was right in the middle of torturing this Lazarus guy...and poof!  He disappears back up here to the surface.  And the worst thing...was that me and Jebus' dad went way back.  Yeah his name was Yahweh, and I tell ya, me and that guy were good friends!  We used to enslave people and smash babies against rocks!  It was great!  That guy was good people.  But you know how it is....he got older, he knocked up some broad and then started talking about 'responsibility' and 'good influences' and shit.  I never saw that guy again after he got Mary pregnant.  I dont even know what happened to him....although after what I did to his son, I can understand him not keeping in touch."

"What did you do to his son?" asked a curious dwarf.

"Well that leads us to the first Christmas.  You see....he had been going around vandalizing my temples, and telling people they were worshiping a false God.  He knocked over my money changers' tables and told people not to use our money, and be self sufficient.  I tell ya....I wanted to crucify that guy right there.  But Im reasonable.  I told him, look, we make money at my temples, and we tell people what they wanna hear.  If you dont like that routine, go start your own church, but youre not taking mine.  Guess what?  He started his own church!  He went around telling people that I was a cruel master, that might making right was wrong.  He said that an eye for an eye made the whole world blind.  When the stronger have the right to eat the weaker, then everyones life becomes Hell!  It was crazy talk!"

"What did you do, master?"

"Oh well I made an example of that guy.  I had him beaten and whipped with glass and rusted nails.  Then I put salt in his wounds and squeezed lemon on top. Then I whipped him some more!  Then I marched him through town and had people laugh and throw rocks and yucky vegetables at him.  Then I hung him on a cross, stabbed him with a spear, hung a sign above him that said 'King of the Elves' and all the village children came by and laughed at him and poked him with sticks. The crows pecked his eyes out.  Then they went after his brains.  By the end of that day, no one wanted to Love anyone or be Peaceful at all.  There was no faith in his peace powers!  I showed everyone! War IS peace!  Enslavement to me IS Freedom for you!  And Christmas is about the brutal violent death of Love, Compassion, Peace, and Mercy!  And I say good riddance!  They are crutches for the weak and the elf-minded!"

"Long live Armok!" shouted the dwarves.  "Long live the Blood God!" shouted others.  Then everyone shouted in unison, "Merry Christmas!!!"

And with that, the dwarves kicked back their booze barrels, and chugged down on some happy juice!

[Akigagak]

"Yeah!" laughed Armok.  "He would create fish and bread for these people, and I always though, man, just create a pile of gold and some naked women!  Ya know?!  I mean.....HELLO JEBUS!!!  Ahhh....but he was weird.

Sigged. So very sigged.

[Jackrabbit]

yeah, God really mellowed out after he had a kid.

[MrGimp]

On the first day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A druid hanging from a tree!

On the second day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Two little cats and a Druid hanging from a tree!

On the third day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Three prisoners, two little cats and a Druid hanging from a tree!

On the fourth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a Druid hanging from a tree!

On the fifth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

FIIIIVE DEMON PIIIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the sixth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Six carp a ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the seventh day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the eigth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the ninth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nine arrow wounds, Eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the tenth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ten elf invasions, nine arrow wounds, eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two llittle cats and a druid hanging from a tree!

On the eleventh day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Eleven planters planting, ten elf invasions, nine arrow wounds, eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a druid haning from a tree!

(Get ready now!)
On the twelfth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Twelve barrels of booze, eleven planters planting, ten elf invasions, nine arrow wounds, eight bronze collosi, seven goblins drowning, six carp a-ripping, FIIVE DEMON PIIITS! Four battle axes, three prisoners, two little cats and a DRUUUUIIIIID HANGING FROM A TREEEEE!!

hahaha this is cool as hell!

[MrGimp]

nice saga , liked the scene where the clerk and the mayor fought a failure battle with snakemens
can we still join it? if yes , then i choose a dwarf of any weapon skill , name "Spaher" , and try to choose a millitary dwarf that has the highest agile skill(unchoosen) for me , spaher means scout , which should pretty much answer any question of why a fast one

EDIT : oh hey! 1337 replies! , so supposingly i get the 1337 replier medal?(joke)

Yeah I can add you...I think theres still some military dwarves left.  I havent played in so long...

My stupid boss put me back on the project.  And back on slave hours.  I dont think he was ever mad, he was just trying to break my balls or something.

[MrGimp]

And if anyone is still reading after that last blasphemous update, the story continues....



Spring 239

After placing Argonnek's admantine floor grate into the Royal Palace, fortress wealth has increased to well over 13 million dwarf bucks.  I made the floor grate linked to a lever that revealed a secret path from the palace down to the river garden below.  Its not really needed, as there are stairs not far away...haha, but hey.  Secret passages hooked to levers are cool, alright!?

The tax collector that was crucified last Christmas came along with an Armok worshipping Hammerer believe it or not.  His name was Huesoo....a strange name for a dwarf.  His parents must have been really interesting.



The first thing Huesoo noticed upon his arrival was the scattered piles of bolts all around the fortress.  It was literally a sea of spent ammunition, both goblin and dwarf.  And near the choke points lay the piles of iron goblin armor.  Also of note was that the top layer of soil was entirely made of ash from so many raging infernos.

It was a gruesome place.

Another dwarf has taken up the dwarven habit of renaming himself.  Ever since he carved a simple artifact bone idol, he has demanded that he be called Nonobots! 



He is our resident strand extractor, and has spent the majority of his life at Blockedlance deep in the earth, extracting adamantine in a cluttered workshop.

In summer, the humans came.  These caravans are picking up some interesting items on their travels around the nearby lands.



Demon bone idols and carp bone amulets.  They'll go good with my goblin bone crown.

[Typoman]

yeah it's not exactly a place you go for a holiday is it? hehe

[Tradanbattlan]

MICROLINE AMULET
DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT

[MrGimp]

Heres a picture of Blockedlance in late 239 in Visual Fortress.  The temple looks weirder than it did in 3Dwarf.  The half finished hollow pyramid is dominating the skyline.  Speaking of which...who else but dwarves would build a hollow pyramid like that?

You can see the mountains of the Ruthless Tower begin to rise in the background.  They go much higher, but I had to pick a small map so as not to murder my computer.  So it looks pretty pathetic for a mountain range with such an awesome name.

[addictgamer]

That is awesome!


I have't seen any dwarven architecture like this in a long time.

Good job, and I can't wait for the updates to come.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

It's a shame you can't see the corpses and flies.

[Rotten]

...I...I just read through all of this.
Oh god I will never look at DF the same way again.
I signed up just to say that.

On that note, this fortress is awesome.