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[Duke 2.0]

 With the appearance of a fortress, I can start the siege countdown. Of course, in accordance to the Tournament East guidebooks(But not the expansion packs. We all agree not to use the Tournament East expansion packs) I may start ambushing if there is already a source of goblins on the map. With the goblin cave nearby, I am able to create 10 goblins on the edge of the field.
 It is unfortunate they are unarmed, but with proper care I might just be bale to get them bows.

 Oh, and I flip a 3-sided coin for mastery...
 Two master wrestlers!

[Boksi]

I've always thought the tournament rules were waaayyyy unbalanced. But oh well.

Anyway, I discard a peasant token to play my baron token next to skeletal elephant. According to The Fortress Proper(dog leather edition), rule 64(nobles), subsection 4(the baron), I can then play the baron consort, hammerer and tax collector, which I will play at the lonely fortress.

Now, according to Boatmurdered Elephant Expansion Rules, my baron... Let's see, 2! He dies. This of course means I get to play another baron and baron consort. The baron I place next to the skeletal elephant again, while the baron consort is placed in the lonely fortress.

See where I'm going with this? I'll just report the rolls as they come.

4: Dies
1: Dies
1: Dies
2: Dies
5: Dies
3: Dies
5: Dies
4: Dies
2: Dies
6: Runs away and survives... for this turn.

Man, that was a lucky streak, wasn't it? I was expecting to make no more than four! Oh well. According to the Definite Dwarf, vol. 13, this means we have ten baron consorts who are unhappy, meaning they each make a mandate.

See? Told you they were unbalanced.

[Yaddy1]

According to Hall's of Armok Vol. 101 If there are no elves already than I may start a colony of 2d6 elves. 7 elves appear and demand that you only cut down 100 trees this season. Also an elven caravan will come in 5 turns.

[Eita]

Due to the kills my skeletal elephant has achieved, the Dwarves have named him "Garzagith Kodoregur", Destroyerdevil the Dawn of Sorrow. I thus move him to a cage trap and have the Dwarves 'tame' him. According to the Codex Tacitus, the skeletal elephant is now immune to all traps and can open doors.

[Strife26]

Strife decides to place a wandering demi-god: Strife token on the previously flooded river bed. Provided that Strife is only refered to in the Third Person, Strife gets to peform one meta-gaming action per turn, as evidenced by Strife's interpretation of "Strife's Self published guide to first personess"

I think that this might belong in various nonsense.
/\ Damn. That ended fast.

[dresdor]

My carp watches as a demigod enters and exists existance within the space of one long monologue that nobody else seems to notice...

And so I invoke Rule 23 of the Dwarfespear 1052 edition, The Great Compendium of the Great Dwarven Bard.  Namely the rule "He that Monologues First, Thinks to Himself". 

Mainly, the rule does nothing...

Or does it.

Methinks it might doeth something, but therein this is Madness, but there's method in't

[Yaddy1]

According to the elf compendium if a demi-god is placed in a river where fish have drowned the elves gain the [WORSHIP_POWER] tag and begin worshiping said demi-god.

[Himmelhand]

If it's not too late to jump in, I place a dragon and a kitten in the northwest corner of the Plains embattled, as per the Official Tacticus Newsletter's Creature Feature Addon, March of 2006 edition.

[Yaddy1]

An Elven caravan has arrived!
A diplomat has arrived!

My diplomat demands that the pretty trees remain untouched!

They also brought a caged Tiger and a crap load of cloth.

[Duke 2.0]

 Ha! Right into my trap!
 My goblin wrestlers attack the caravan! Now I just need to roll for dama-
 Wait a second... What is this rule? Page 478q of the Tournament Play handbook...

 "If one player is to attack a caravan from the Elves with humanoid fighters, roll a five-sided coin. If the result is null, a random item reaches sentience and three objects of the elves choosing will be set on fire. Also, the river turns to blood."

 That... odd. And darn me for always getting null dice rolls!
 Your choice. What shall burninate?

[Yaddy1]

I'm gonna have to go with the dwarven kings crown, the goblin wrestler's shoes and the craftdwarves workshop. (no trinkets for you!!!) What gains sentience? The demi-god's Carp leather cap! (the only hat fit for a god!)

[Strife26]

Strife (who will continue to refer to Strife in the third person, despite the meta-gaming bonus being negated) teaches the hat to talk. in accordance with Copperblaze rule 3.14, the at takes a name for itself. <Rolls> The carp leather hat will now be known as Catmain; this cuases the theme name rule for "random naming = EVIL (version two)" to activate. The hat grows long, fuzzy hair and meows.

Catmain, carp leather hat has adopted Strife, wandering demi-god.

[Strife26]

Oh, I forgot!
In accordnece with the Godz N' Demoni v2 rule book pg 66 (two thirds of the page down).
Becuase Strife is revered as a POWER by the elves, Strife gets to modify the beliefs of the elves once per turn (provided a 26 side dice roll comes up as a factor of 6.5 or 2).

<4>

Strife removes flesh eating from the elves. If we look at the Super Elf Character sheet (second to the newest one, I'm sure that we all agree that the newer one is crap), elves need to eat people to fight effectivly, therefore, they get -1.3 to all combat rolls and lose their regenerative powers. Although, they gain a +2 popularity bonus!

[Akhier the Dragon hearted]

thinking quickly i use rule 5 subsection d alpha and put into play a philospher noble with the added ability of strange theorys. lets see roll a percentile...
12% okay hmm...

how odd...           well from now on anyone within 100 yards of my philospher must make a inteligence check or believe that trees are actually elf eggs. any dwarf will then make a will save or immediatly feels the urge to pick up an axe and deforest the area.

also along with him are 5 woodcutters and he mandates that the elfs wood limits must be broken.

[woose1]

I place a a blind crossbowman in the mountain home.

According to Wood for Blood (Obsodian dwarf Edition 23rd), Line 4, coloumn 4356, if I roll a 13 or higher, my soldiers get instantly equiped with nuclear-fission warheads.

(9)
Crossbowman gives into pain.
Crossbowman falls over.

edit: Crossbowman does a intelligence check.