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[Rhenaya]

magma pipe = fire imp
fire imp + kitten = burning kitten
burning kitten + dry grass = burning grass
burning grass + outdoor booze stockpile = burning booze
burning booze + thirsty hermit = your fortress has crumbled to its end


next time the first thing i do is sealing of the f*cking magma pipe!

[Mashirafen]

OR move the booze inside. =P

[Rhenaya]

thats so easy i havent thought of it... easy is in most ways undwarfy!

[Manchild]

Suround your booze with a magma moat that has been carefully filtered of all baddies and is accessible only by staircase dug under the moat that has an animal forbidden door that is at the end of a tunnel....outside the door is a series of magma moats and drawbridges and doors that prevent animal acces, all the while all areas are ridden with animal triggered traps and sealable so that you may be able too flood the entire room with a water magma mixture...




thus ensuring that the booze is never destroyed, in turn, by fire imps...

[Skynet 2.0]

No, even that isn't Dwarven enough. We need an enormous death ray in geostationary orbit. It would be the size of a large fortress, and have several modules that would rain death upon the enemies of the glorious Dwarven civilization. One module would uses the impudent fire imps to ignite kittens and launch them down onto settlements. Another would use the subzero temperatures of space to freeze and launch ice walls at human houses and temples to smash through their ceilings. Another would launch megabeasts at elves, and a fourth would launch elves at humans. The final one would be linked to a massive magma pipe, powered by hundreds upon hundreds of infinite-energy waterwheel-pump systems. They would provide power for the countless thousands of pumps needed to draw the magma up into orbit, then use it to cover THE ENTIRE PLANET IN A SEA OF RED DEATH.

(That started as a humorous orbital kitten-cannon, but quickly degenerated into a Dwarf-created apocalypse scenario . I think if dwarves ever actually figured out how to get something in orbit, we would all be doomed.)

[Boogerman]

This calls for a dwarven space elevator.
Masterfully crafted carbon nanotubes, anyone?

[Skynet 2.0]

The only downside to my plan (other than the whole 'death of all life on Earth' thing) is that the fort would need to be built on the equator, otherwise the magma pipe would be torn apart shortly.

[Khain]

You know...I'm fairly sure that you could create something aproximating to a high altitude magma carrier...You could then place retracting bridges on the floor in order to rain fiery death down below? Any idea about this? I'm very tempted to try it...

[Zorgn]

Dirt road around embark site? No grass for the fire to jump to, so your stuff in the middle is safe. I just can't remember whether the grass grows back or not...

Screw orbital cannons, you can beat an inferno with DIRT. That is incredibly dwarven.

[monzill]

Now I've gone and got an idea.

Basically it's a massive tower with blocks on top and means to launch the blocks a good 20-40z levels. I wonder if the limited yet creative physics would allow for something like this* (check at about 1:40 in the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCqO9tTOCQY )

*For the uninitiated: All that weapon is is a long tungsten rod with an engine shot into the ground to create super-earthquake effects.

[Brdn666]

Seriously, imps are nothing in close combat. A drafted peasant could actually kill an imp. Just clear out the magma pipe.

I do love where this thread has gone. I'm starting one called dwarven superweapons.

[AlienChickenPie]

You know...I'm fairly sure that you could create something aproximating to a high altitude magma carrier...You could then place retracting bridges on the floor in order to rain fiery death down below? Any idea about this? I'm very tempted to try it...

It's entirely possible, just extremely labor intensive. You can build a giant array of retractable bridges or floor hatches in the sky, put walls on the sides and fill it with magma. Each retractable bridge or floor hatch is linked to a lever, and the levers are arranged on a map of the area protected by the hatches.

[Marlowe]

Seriously, imps are nothing in close combat. A drafted peasant could actually kill an imp. Just clear out the magma pipe.

They also have this weird pattern of behaviour where if you just go near them without trying to be threatening they'll all come attacking, but if you attack them first they'll run in all directions.

[eerr]

wierd, but not entirely unrealistic....

[MercDraco]

Ah Dwarf Fortress the only place where we dream up planet destroying (roasting) weapons of mass destruction to take care of pip-squeeks.
Current Agenda: Orbital magma cannon to roast a single kobold...
Next week Flaming cat cannon from the center of the world