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Author Topic: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia  (Read 3086 times)

Marlowe

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Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« on: November 23, 2008, 01:44:19 am »

So the year 207 rolls around, we get us an Elfen diplomat. She says "We're only letting you cut down 100 trees this year! Or else!"

My countess squirms a bit and says; "Yeah, sure, let's discuss the details..."

The Elf says, "OK, 131 trees! Butcher!".

My countess says; "But didn't I already....OK. 131 trees it is".

The Elf says, "Fine. See you next year, shorty."

Charming people.

So my countess goes ambling along to discuss this with my mayor. We should have no problem, she says. We've got 340 logs in stock, and we only use wood for the beds and to make coke from coal. Maybe 30 logs a year.

The mayor bursts a blood vessel. Seems Elves don't count the trees you cut, they just count logs in the stockpile and assuming you've only just cut them down. Come next year, the Elves are gonna see 310 logs and declare war.

So, I can try to use 200 logs for no good reason (stupid. Not going to.). Accept war with the Sillies, and get my migrants slaughtered, or try to fool them.

If I undesignate most of my timber stockpile, will that have some effect? Is there some way around this glitch?
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Time Kitten

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2008, 02:51:03 am »

I think building them all into walls will keep them safe and secure.
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Eatnobles4breakfast

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2008, 03:09:06 am »

You can butcher those frilly bastards! just flip the safety off your crossbow and get some free clothes...
but seriously, i dunno if they look in your stockpile, but even if they do, you will kill them...
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Dastog Eatsnobles is posessed with a lazy mood!
Dastog Eatsnobles cancels be useful: in a lazy mood
Dastog Eatsnobles has claimed a wooden couch!
Dastog Eatsnobles is now a legendary peasant!

Jackrabbit

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2008, 03:09:33 am »

I think just killing the bastards in the mosts brutal bloody way possible would be prefferable.
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E-mouse

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2008, 04:22:34 am »

Elf trading material isn't very good, and the sieges aren't especially threatening...

But the trading material is generally better than the siege loot. Especially if you only buy animals to get some help building Noah's Ark.

It's not completely insane to use up 200 logs, especially if you have carpenters that aren't doing anything better. Barrels are almost always in short supply sooner or later, and wooden bolts are good crossbow training. I've tended to have coal/charcoal shortages as well, but I've never played on a map with magma and I use most of it melting down goblin junk. If nothing else, bolts and charcoal should use up less stockpile space since they're binnable.

What else are you planning to use that wood for, and how quickly could you replace it if you needed to?
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forsaken1111

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2008, 04:23:37 am »

I like the acres of wooden walls idea. For extra amusement pave the road for the elves with wood, and have wooden walls surrounding it. They won't even notice.
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Marlowe

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2008, 05:07:15 am »

Me, build stuff out of wood?

ABOMINATION!

[ETHIC: MAKE_WOOD_CONSTRUCTION: UNTHINKABLE]

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Grumman

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2008, 06:15:34 am »

So, I can try to use 200 logs for no good reason (stupid. Not going to.).
Then why are you storing them? Whatever you're planning on doing with them, surely you can do it now, and leave the pieces in storage until you need them?
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Cheeetar

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2008, 06:27:20 am »

So, I can try to use 200 logs for no good reason (stupid. Not going to.).
Then why are you storing them? Whatever you're planning on doing with them, surely you can do it now, and leave the pieces in storage until you need them?
Who says you have to build stuff out of wood? I'd cut down trees just to piss the elves off.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2008, 06:58:27 am »

i believe the elves count the amount of wood in your stockpiles.

therefore, the most sensible solution is to just erase your wood stockpiles.
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Pilsu

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2008, 08:43:18 am »

Turn the logs into bolts and pepper the elves with them
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woose1

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2008, 09:07:39 am »

340 logs eh?

Make a little house for them! Im sure they would love it!  :D
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Marlowe

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #12 on: November 23, 2008, 09:12:12 am »

I would kind of like an answer to my actual question:


If I undesignate most of my timber stockpile, will that have some effect? Is there some way around this glitch?

Or, to sum up; do Elves count logs in the stockpile only, or all logs on the map?
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StrayCat

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2008, 12:05:27 pm »

       
        F  F F
        f  F f
ccccFTTTTTFcccc
        TTTTT
ccccFTTTTTFcccc
        TTTTT
ccccFTTTTTFcccc
        FFFFF

F = Floodgate
f = fortification
T = Trade Depot
c= constructed cage holding goblins/nightwings/harpies/ogres/general nasty things
Open spaces between the rows of constructed cages are unmined areas.

Requires:

Trade Depot, 1, underground
Flood gate, 15
Cages, 24
Nasty critters, 24
Fortifications, 2
Mechanisms, 81 (3 for the levers, 78 for the double linking from item to levers of 15 floodgates and 24 cages)
Levers, 3
Elves, Too many for comfort/More than zero
A good sense of humor, 1

Start with the floodgate between the fortifications and the five floodgates at the bottom of the trade depot open, the six on the perimeter closed, the three in at the top closed. Wait for the elves to come in, all smiles, sunshine, and rainbows- both of you. Wait for them to unload their trade goods entirely, give it a few days (in-game minutes). NOW! Pull the first lever (Lever 1) to drop the five floodgates at the bottom and the one floodgate between the fortifications. Either wait a while, imagine their unsettlement, their fear, their panic... or go straight to lever two (Lever 2), which opens all the floodgates and the cages. Hijinks ensue!

Once the elves are annihilated, go and pull lever three, which will raise the three floodgates at the top. Station two marksdwarves at the fortifications, and wait at leisure until they have annihilated the remaining beasties. Once that's over, pull the first lever again. Gather the goods, relink and reload the cages with more nasties, haul the corpses, take their clothing from their still-warm backs, and have a good laugh about these interlopers who think they can boss you around, then just walk into YOUR fortress and overcharge you for inferior goods and the occasional violent animal... in a legendary dining room full of tables and chairs made of wood.

For bonus points, mix in any nasty animals they've brought for the next batch.


And that's how you take care of wood demand.



Post Script: They count all logs on the map. See my abovementioned solution to fix your problem, I. E. you're SCREWED either way because of these picky sonsofducks.
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R1ck

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Re: Placating the pointy-eared timber mafia
« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2008, 05:16:19 pm »

Of course, even if you don't do anything, they probably won't do anything unless you also killed their caravan year after year and their diplomat. Even then, there's about a 1/2 chance.
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