I found a squad of babies with long beards Walking towards a legendary dining room Unfortunately, they were mad and foaming and made of cat leather, so their menacing spikes could not breathe While tragic, you were interrupted by thirty monster cookies which, while undercooked, Smelled quite good! They seemed to Be vomiting, because A horrible miasma Eminating from the horrible Pig-tail socks Was too strong that they needed Blood! They grew Legs,and skittered Away, into the fire, unfortunately it became a GCS. Meanwhile, in Cosmostowers... the sky dragons Ate pudding,while Planning to take ALL THE BOOZE In the world! But their plans really sucked, because they involved time-travel And teleportation, which involved drinking booze and pushing buttons untill something happened that included something until that something did something, because it needed to, but there was soda cans everywhere! Which Toady_One Tried to eat, WHILE GETTING MANGLED by a tentacle demon! But he quickly Changed the raws n-the-process-he-accidentally-deleted-his-only-copy-of-the-dwarf-fortress-source-code. The end Or is it? No. It is. He Re-downloads and Quickly hacks a government website to get free McDonalds for life. He Ordered the usual Big-Mac with extra Dwarven cheese and dwarf chunks. Toady banned Big-Mac exports but he wanted crystal glass statues and a Wopper That's when he went to Burgerking with an army of kittens that slaughtered everyone. Then the cats conquered Boatmurdered of which three-toe wanted and then, DF reached version 1.0 df fans then crushed all who defied the glory of eternal splendor. For Great Justice. They got message and opened them and found sick cannibal elves hiding in the RAWS so they reinstalled DF 0.28.181.40d and imported their kittens to the fotress which had twenty So he deleted his account from B12 Forums, unfortuantly. Unfortunately DF was too awesome to, share it to His wife and with his son went bowling. Then a giant unicorn jumped off of a huge manticore shaped bowling ball that ate pudding. The manticore destroyed all the babies in a small Explosion! Then Toady used a chainsaw to carve turkeys for his Thanksgiving df anniversary party! Unfortunatly some dragons ate the turky but he saved the wishbone and was robbed by an unknown substance which took DF's thanksgiving party to a cheap motel. There, the dwarves using bottle openers opened bottles of ☼dwarven ale☼, throwing a demon shaped spade of doom Waving a chicken at trespassers as toady one deleted DF 1.0. This caused tantrums over bolts. Fire spread but then Three-Toe acting quickly with Toady, took a server, cross-referencing spirals on hams to find the pattern in the code of the conservatives Who then decided to vote democratic because democratic firefighters look great in recycled Spam cans So Three-Toe caught the world's biggest can of SPAM, To make a new special spaceship. The Dwarf took-off into deep space... in a flamboyant Manner, but aliens saw the Dwarf and aimed their four +Wooden Crossbows+ and their huge Giga-MegaCannon of DOOM at some idle dwarves. The End of a fortress was foretold by several ugly humanoid beings, with the holy grail, which when used correctly created hordes of evil demon bunnies. The bunnies, however rapidly multiplied uncontrollably and attacked Burger-King with their awesome bunny-ears of damnation. The Holy Hand-Grenade was ineffective, because it was blocked by french battleships which surrendered to the german alien-chickens led by silk shirt wearing elves. Thus the universe was destroyed by The mother of all explosions. The big bang, caused by the Holy dynamites of explodiness and industry, which ate dwarfs who got very tasty with ketchup and roast horsemeat plus minced towercap sprinkled with dwarven syrup flavored with the really big surprise, a frog, created the universe. So everything began to go downhill in another tantrum which caused the titan to sit on your face. However, sudden outburst of terrible flatulence made the dwarven children cry. Fortunately they had tissues and strong will to save the shells for Artifacts. Gems were stolen by skulking filth, but the diamonds were mined out from dark glowing uranium deposits. Then a gremlin with tentacles pulled the magma floodgate lever, who didn't quite get all A's in the end of the universe graduation exams. The gremlin began spinning his obsidian top hat on his nose, which looked like an inflated cucumber salad suprise covered with blue chicken teeth seasoned with a light marinated sauce of Condensed Star Matter, rubbing lotion on his wondrous little friend's hat which frightened the local legendary elite marksdwarf so he fired the apprentice of the local sorceror who lathered himself in very thick barbecue sauce, which was really somewhat acidic, so then melted and exploded like a booze bomb on goblins. The local merchant sold some cookies to the Legendary Yuri Shonen Mangaka StoneMason who then plotted the downfall of the mayor with his private ninja dwarf army that broke all the mayors limbs by using various unpleasant steel instruments. The horrific results scared the mighty Might of might who then decided to ban exports on obsidian mugs. They then attacked a world-eating carp. The small defenceless baby dwarf choir of death also do birthday parties and start dancing for your entertainment while throwing big plump helmet of evil. But thenthe unexpected elves babysnatched the choir while releasing the tamed evil skeletal horde of war eagles who invaded. However Dwarves entered the nuclear bunker for a waterchip because there one had decided it is best to cower in fear instead of rescuing the legendary hammerdwarf who had a Giant Cave Spider silk artefact mace in his head. He removed it. Lodged in his throat was three BEEEEEEEEES which then stung winnie the pooh in the face to steal honey and sell it to the pieman because he was Il Palazzo who was Ultimate honor champion of doom, who liked gelatin and singing in toilets and bathing in his own bathroom watching anime. The CIA heard Il Palazzo play Touhou unbeknowst to himself. Then random dwarf named Urist McUistUrist, who was innocently eating a *Plumphelmet Wine Roast* with minced plumphemet, minced minced plumphelmet seasoned with plumphelmet (See fig. 9) with *Plumphelmet Wine*. The cook who worshipped carp gods With Sharp Pointy Teeth, soaked with various bodily fluids. After taking his nap, he decided that elephants are better as skeletons thus he killed them in a blender with dwarves. They were understandably happy with this, until they disturbingly flew away. Urist McAxeDwarf the mason has been possessed by his nephew's angry pet kitten which then cancelled taking item to stockpile: Interrupted by rotten apple jam aka, too injured. So, possessed, Urist got fell mood despite being possessed. With his doubled moodiness, he claimed a farmer's workshop and demanded turtle extremities, which shocked the turtles, so the turtles attacked him with forklifts
and big torches.
*Note: I wish I had seen Il Palazzo's version, would have saved me quite a bit of work.*
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