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[Glacies]

I WILL SOLVE THE MURDER GUYS

Thomas(M)/Faith(F)
Detective dwarf

[OneMoreNameless]

Check the Justice screen.

Aaaaaah ... Right! Friggin' The Tax Collector and his mandates. >_<

[OneMoreNameless]

- CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: A Demonstration Of Motive -

Lady Ruins Practises Her Dramatic Monologues

18th Obsidian
Once the funeral ceremony had begun it didn't take long for Nym to notice the corpse being entombed was not Fatman's. At this point the vast majority of the mourning dwarves lost interest and resume partying; only Nym, The Tax Collector and Kornash began looking further into the death, for different reasons. They deduced fairly quickly that Fatman must have secretly left with the last dwarven merchants, to start a safer and more peaceful life elsewhere. I knew already, of course, I had helped Fatman away undetected; he had been worried about goblin attacks, or being seen as a deserter. I even gave him back his cookbook under pretense it was recently confiscated from Ivanor. We have no shortage of food or farmers now, but I have a favour to call in should I need it.

I didn't plan for another farmer to take over Fatman's duties, but it was convenient. The migrant was a fanboy of Fatman's and jumped at the chance to strike the earth ... with a plow. He was, however, unskilled in cooking and most of the fortress assume he cut himself with his own knife or something equally stupid. In truth, the few of us that bother to look closer can see this murder. Who by? Flint, bored between ambushes? Does Nym's past harbour darker secrets than I suspected? Mistaken jealousy from Strife? Ah, a mystery to be solved ...

27th Obsidian


(This is what happens when you don't build a barrier between you and the snakes.)

In retrospect, it might have been wise to install (and link to a lever) bars in this tunnel. At the first sign of a fight Flint and his marksdwarves come running, but the snakeman gave up the chase quickly. Locking the door into the tunnel should be sufficient to keep any creatures out. There are already bars installed in the lower tunnel to keep the water in the wells free of such threats.

5th Granite
The wells are complete. There is a small area dug out to the west of the dining room as a supply of water, which can be refilled from the underground river at any time. Three wells are positioned one level above it (north of the food stockpiles). If the well needs to be emptied, a pump can quickly move the water into a short vertical tunnel that emerges into our defensive channels. An access tunnel into the well is also present, and locked when the well is full.


(Lucky sevens! ... Yeah, I've got nothing.)


(Well, well, well, what do we have here?)

Now that that particular concern has finally been taken care of, sparring can begin. The beds in the barracks are shoved to the side of the room to make space, and Kornash begins recruiting soldiers. In total there will be one using a sword, one using a flail, three with axes and three with spears. All of them will shortly be equipped with leather armour and metal shields. Kornash plans to first teach them wrestling, so they are able to better dodge blows rather than relying on their poor armour. Between sparring, the recruits occasionally wander outside the fortress and into our channels, for some reason. As The Tax Collector is reviewing each of the recruits, something of note comes up.


(Syoan: "Dun, dun, DUUUUUUUUN!!")

Our fortress guard is corrupt, how ... typical. The Tax Collector demanded an explanation for his records, of course, though the act itself didn't seem to bother him. Kornash calmly explained that he had deduced "Fatman" was an imposter and issued an unintentionally lethal punishment as was his right in the position and without jails. When asked how he knew, Kornash scoffed and said that any REAL member of the fortress would have done their duty to cater to the every whim and mandate of the nobles. The Tax Collector smiled thinly, nodded, and silently went on his way. I warned Kornash that his position was only in the military now, and that we had highly trained marksdwarves ready if he thought to try anything. Nobody bothered to tell Nym.

12th Granite
A marksdwarf has given birth to a girl. An engraver is the father, officially, but Flint is a touch adamant that the child was not his.

15th Granite
We've been ambushed by another small group of goblins and humans. The meleetry has been ordered to stay away from the battle, they are far from experienced enough for live combat. Flint readies the marksdwarves in the crossbow towers as usual. A few seconds later, he spots elves on the horizon. Promisingly, it looks like they're bringing a reasonable amount of wood. A few more seconds later, a marksdwarf on the other tower spots our legendary bonecarver wandering outside in search of bones - right into another ambush. The bonecarver flees, shortly joined by Ivanor and an engraver who were also busy by the outer traps. Naturally, they run outside of the bridge and away from the fortress. Flint rushes downstairs to chase the invaders in turn. The invaders close in on the fleeing dwarves, only to be distracted by a muskox calf currently acting as our intruder alarm system. Flint catches up and rapid fires them to death. Ivanor and the others sheepishly make their way back inside.

In the aftermath, I can't help but notice one of our new recruits vomiting outside, which ... not overly encouraging. I'll deconstruct the roof above the entrance (which should keep dwarves used to the sun while hauling stones or trade goods outside) and warn Kornash to station the meleetry outside every so often to keep them accustomed to it.

18th Granite
A wrestler has given birth to a girl, and insists on carrying her around everywhere. To keep her safe. While she's sparring. Hmm. I suppose it can't end any worse than the the eight dwarves that are simultaneously deconstructing floor at the moment.


(I'm not sure how, but sadly all the dwarves DID finish their jobs and get down safely.)

21st Granite
You might remember when I said the elves were bringing a promising amount of wood? As it turns out, aside from a few berries, that was ALL they brought. Well, at least they know what they're good for. We quickly bring out two masterwork totems to trade for the thirty or so logs. I haven't yet decided what to do with them, so they rest in the stockpile for the moment. I've warned the carpenters to keep an eye out for my cat, it caused some ... problems with the last delivery.

28th Granite
While the meleetry train, a new project has been undertaken to occupy the rest of the dwarves, in construction and for entertainment when it is complete. What could be more entertaining, after all, than watching undesirable dwarves being dropped down a ten level pit or suddenly be set upon by angry goblins while sleeping? The project, For Unity Carefully Kill (FUCK) Nobles has been mostly designed by Ivanor, with Syoan helping and directing dwarves. Flint has promised to help catch and dispose of any hostiles when finished. Nym has reluctantly agreed to construct gem windows so idle dwarves can watch the show. The basic premise is that nobles are presented with an expensive and pleasing bedroom, only to find their entrance blocked and caged hostiles released. Alternatively, the nobles and hostiles can be dumped ten levels down through a trapdoor in the centre of the room.

It is an ... impressive design, without The Tax Collector or I aiding them. The Tax Collector was less impressed when a miner hacked apart one of his masterpiece engravings to dig out the room, but he remained calm.

2nd Slate
The initial digging for the Bedroom Of DOOM! (as Syoan insists on calling it, roughly five times a minute) and viewing chamber are complete. Idle dwarves are dumping stone from the room, and various remains from invaders away from the outer traps. I've had the outer bridges closed as a precaution while that many dwarves are exposed outside. Once the traps are clear they'll be dismantled and replaced with three cage traps just inside of each bridge to catch invaders for the Bedroom Of DOOM!. The elves might be annoyed when they want to leave, but they can wait.

7th Slate
Ivanor and a few others are installing the new traps now. Floodgates are being used to seal the Bedroom Of DOOM! and will take a while to hook up to the levers outside. Ivanor used his artifact mechanism for the lockdown lever, naturally. Nym is one green gem short of the perfect traffic light pattern, but continued with the construction anyway. The new areas are being smoothed too, but Ivanor doesn't want engravings to distract from the entertainment. The Tax Collector would refuse to engrave masterpiece ones anyway; he even went as far as to request in person I banned the project. He knew I wouldn't, but we must both keep up appearances. Unlike the outside of our fortress, which is happy to be splattered in trails vomit from hauling dwarves.

18th Slate
A metalsmith has withdrawn from society. Among other things, he's muttering about rough gems. I leave Ivanor to his own devices and take a few miners to search deep underground, this time much closer to the fortress.

4th Felsite
... Ah, isn't it always that you cannot find these things when you need them? Nym reminded us there were still several gems visible from one of the unoccupied bedrooms, but The Tax Collector might have stroke if we dared ruin the perfectly designed chambers, and he is of more use to us than a metalsmith right now.

Did I say unoccupied? I spoke to soon, another wave of migrants are approaching the fortress. Leading them is, of all dwarves, a Dungeon Master (or Mistress?). I've met a few Dungeon Masters before, and they are among the few nobles who will actually perform certain labors within a fortress. An improvement on barons, perhaps, but a true noble must be willing to toil as others to exert any kind of control. As it is, the Dungeon Master has no skills or abilities we require. In a both pleasant and ominous change, Syoan has stopped shouting to everyone about the progress and nature of the Bedroom Of DOOM!.

The other migrants were uninteresting to anyone but The Tax Collector, although they did seem to overestimate how much wood we needed burned (not enough for three workshops, I suspect). Interestingly, The Tax Collector appointed an unwilling Strife to record their details, subtly keeping himself out of sight from this group. Now why ever would someone in as high a position as he wish to avoid the gaze of other nobles, hmm?

Several children arrived, as eager for the conflict here as any full grown dwarf. Innocence? Ha. There shall be many idlers in coming months. Two migrants each were recruited under Flint and Kornash, and more bolts for training are being made out of most of the wood. A kitten arrived, but another male. The fortress population is now eighty eight. The Tax Collector has announced via Syoan that the fortress has now reached its maximum efficient capacity, and suggested any further migrants be turned away or otherwise dealt with. Needless to say, the Bedroom Of DOOM! Was on everybody's minds as the migrants began unpacking. A few miners have begun testing digging methods underneath the fortress to find the most efficient way of the digging the pit.

11th Felsite
A ranger has fallen unconscious while hunting. I wasn't aware there WERE any rangers hunting, but it seems one of the latest migrants went about the job without instruction. Or a weapon. Shortly after, natural selection did it's work.


(But on the upside, he REALLY hurt that camel's right front leg! Yeah!)

14th Felsite
The miners have located two clusters of raw gems, and the metalsmith began his construction. The end result was a highly decorative mace worth over 150 000 value.


(So ... shiny ...)

Unfortunately, nobody has yet figured out a method of digging that will allow the construction of the deep pit without a number of useless paths to the side. The fundamental problem is that they are unable to dig out an up/down stairway into merely a down stairway while standing on it. Meanwhile one of the meleetry has reached elite status in wrestling, and is refusing to be ordered by Kornash. I believe it may be time to start training our recruits with weapons. Most of the meleetry take up their weapon of choice and begin sparring as normal, if perhaps less frequently than before, but Kornash still continued to fail at picking up a sword from the stockpile, running back and forth between it and the stairs. Clearly, Asno's sword is far too awesome for Kornash to handle. That, or Fatman's original guess at a mental disorder was correct. After some general frustration on everyone's behalf, Kornash opted to continue sparring barehanded.

11th Hematite
The Tax Collector has noticed the gem windows for viewing the Bedroom Of DOOM! are slightly off from their intended position, and despite his disinterest in the FUCK Nobles project has ordered Nym to deconstruct and rebuild them to the west. Disappointingly, the new gems since dug out aren't even the right colour to fix the pattern up. Meanwhile, the miners have discovered it is possible to channel an up/down stairs while standing on them. With some degree of micromanaging on my behalf, the pit is now being dug from the bottom up.

I expected no reluctance, but cheery choruses of "Hi ho hi ho" were beyond even my expectations. They sicken me, these miners willing to plan the cold blooded murder of a fellow dwarf merely for his status and situational non-necessity. This pit we call a fortress has truly brought out the worst in these dwarves. Bastard is too soft a word for what lingers in all their hearts. This is more than corruption, they CHOSE to live here, to be part of this. When everything else is in danger all that is left, all that defines us from those other short, fat men, is this hatred we call "dwarf".

This is what I see here, every moment of every day. This is what The Tax Collector records, what Nym observes, what Ivanor laughs at, what Syoan screams, what Flint embodies, what Strife protects, what Kornash follows, what Fatman denied, what Vidar died for, what Kragus tried to summon every day never realising the true demons were already free. This is what right here and now, the world shall see.

The enemy have come. Fourty eight humans atop horses, to see the enemy already here.

The outcome barely matters. I have other favours, and I will not die here ... yet. It is my intention to some day soon become the last dwarf alive in the world.

[OneMoreNameless]

- CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: I Just Can't Have Enough Death! -

Fortress Records (Filed By The Tax Collector)

11th Hematite
Kornash has reached elite level now, and has again resumed leadership over ALL the meleetry. This is beneficial, if only to save time when issuing orders to the group. My skill in ordering is such that time is effectively paused in any case, but nevertheless, one cannot be too cautious. The meleetry is still unskilled in using weapons, and will be kept inside to train unless required as a last ditch defence against the humans siege. The humans are waiting to the west and north, keeping our valuable trade lines blocked, but not yet attacking. Our catapults are readied and marksdwarves on duty waiting for them to make a move.

[Author's Note: I couldn't think of any good way to fit this fantasy sequence into the narrative, and at this point it's impossible for ANOTHER reason, but here it is anyway!]

Syoan: "THE HATCHES CAN'T HOLD THE WATER PRESSURE! THE MINES HAVE BURST, AND THE BEDROOMS ARE FLOODING!"
Fatman: "Oh god oh god oh god the water is everywhere! My drafts are going to be soaked and ruined - and we're all going to drown!"
Flint: "If only we had someway to quickly move, even push or pump, all this water upwards and safely outside ..."
Kornash appears in a flash of light and cracks his knuckles, -Pig tail robe- blowing dramatically.
Kornash: "Stand back, ladies."
Nym: "Our hero!" *Soon*

15th Hematite
While our military prepares, construction continues underground. Nym has been quietly informing me of the FUCK Noble's progress. Such plans are a detestable waste of resources, but it may be worth tolerating if it keeps morale of the living dwarves high during the siege. And it is to my own benefit that the Dungeon Master is killed before she recognises me, or rather, doesn't. Nine hatches are being installed over the hole, which will take some time to connect to the same lever.

17th Hematite
The hatches are being removed; Ivanor discovered hatches did not work quite the way he thought they did. Neither do grates, or a number of other covers. Instead a single retracting bridge is being built over the space. The results from the latest mayoral election are back, and the "winner" was a useless peasant. An intelligent decision given the current project, although the power of mandates in the hands of an idiot migrant is worrying.

18th Hematite
There has been a ... slight problem with removing hatches constructed over the pit. A legendary miner, planter and mechanic died in the accident. None of them were overly known names. Several dwarves were heard laughing over the loss, and the accident has become something of a joke.


(They died after "colliding with an obstacle" ie. the ground. So, um, at least we know the pit works. )

20th Hematite
A single squad of humans are approaching our fortress, no doubt testing our defences. The catapults were ordered fired, but Ivanor fled from the approaching army after only a few boulders were launched. None were a hit. It seems the time spent practising, as well as the valuable wood logs used in construction, were a wasted investment. The humans backed away slightly after the last boulder landed near them, but continued forward a moment later. Our marksdwarves were noticeably absent. Instead of defending our fortress, Flint was caught getting drunk inside. Command was given to the next marksdwarf in line, only to find they were sleeping. Command was given to the third in line, and newly dubbed Ropes of Burning advanced.

The humans reached the northen trap cluster before the marksdwarves were ready, and three horses were caught in the cage traps. Civilians were banned from going outside to avoid the idiots trying to reload the traps now. A few shots are fired at the humans, who scatter and back off just our of range again. Only one was killed.

1st Malachite
The outer bridges are closed and civilians have been ordered to reload the traps and clean up some of the refuse outside. At first they couldn't quite make it to the trap cluster without the humans scaring them off, but shortly after the humans retreated further for an unknown reason. The cages horses were quickly taken inside under a cloth cover, presumably for the Bedroom Of DOOM!. Two wrestlers who were wandering into out channels have been trapped outside to the south of the fortress. No humans have spotted them, but Flint was heard pleading with an idle Strife to loudly inform them. He did not, but was clearly torn between keeping them healthy, and having them dead for their idiocy. If I weren't busy with stockpile records I would be inclined towards making tactical use of the later.

Fluffycuddlekissesjoy Speaks

19th Malachite
Are those WUSSY humans going to attack or not? They're just standing around the place wasting time like it was going out of fashion. (AHAHAHAHA, oh god no.) My palace is stinking again, those useless dwarves are refusing to take my rodent corpses outside for some reason. I've started throwing him in ale barrels and if that doesn't encourage them to take the four steps outside to the refuse pile then I'll use them to lure the snakemen into the fortress and we'll see which way they run THEN.

On a more positive note, my execution chamber is nearly complete! All that's left is for Ruins to finish a few furnishings and I can begin having any dwarves not following my orders put to death. Or should that be, pit to death? (No, that was an awful pun, I'll stick with put.) Speaking of death ... you know what? Those useless mutts still wandering about the place, kill them. ALL of them. If they're not pets (tch, it's tempting to dump their owners in the pit), they're dead. My marksdwarves need all the bolts they can get right now, and there are enough muskox and even cows to breed for later. Oh, and a child has been possessed. It took over one of the crafts workshops is muttering cutely about "rough ... colour". Don't care! Nobody is mining until that child snaps. If the idlers are anything to go by, I have FAR more servants than I need to keep alive.

24th Malachite
The Bedroom Of DOOM! is complete! Oh Dungeon Master, your sleeping quarters are ready ... ! Mwahahahaha.

Ah, and I actually have an axedwarf now. That just leaves nine wrestlers fumbling with weapons. Ten if you count the one under Flint who IS carrying around a crossbow and wasting bolts, no doubt.

28th Malachite
Our new mayor has mandated that no silk items be exported. You'd better remove that mandate before the next dwarven caravans come, or YOU'LL be next in the pit, peasant!

3rd Galena
The Dungeon Master has entered her bedroom, it's showtime! Somebody with opposable thumbs GET AROUND THERE and lock the room down so NO NOT YOU, DM! Damn it! Now she's back in the statue room. Tch, whose face do I have to scratch to get anyone killed around here?

5th Galena
GOT HER! MWAhahahaHA!


(This was SO worth the time, effort and also risk of temporarily ignoring the massive army outside.)

RELEASE THE HOUNDS! I mean, THE HORSES! KILL THE HOUNDS, RELEASE THE HORSES! The DM runs wildly over the room for a while, hopelessly searching for a way out. The horses sort of wander slowly around the room. One of the horses bumps into the DM and attacks! The DM get a moderate injury on her right upper arm and a few other scratches, and is now in pain. The DM breaks away and starts running wildly again. This repeats a few times, her injuries increasing slightly faster than she recovers from them. Oh, this is the greatest thing to watch ever. Fluffy has mandated the construction of 3 buttered popcorns. Even The Tax Collector briefly came over a few times to glance in the gem windows.

After a while one of the horses is enraged! It charges up to the DM and swiftly kicks the CRAP out of her. The DM is knocked unconscious (although still in extreme pain) with bad wounds on her upper body and left upper arm, and a hilarious number of minor to moderate wounds elsewhere. The horse calms down and wanders off, it doesn't seem to want to finish her off. Tch, a pity the DM did not fall on the trap door, either. Somehow she's still been "happy lately" too. That's messed up, and that's coming from ME.

11th Galena
It seems those pesky humans are back. I'm pretty sure they're the same squad that approached us before. They valiantly charge (well, except for those whose horses are now wandering the Bedroom Of DOOM!, they're kind of jogging behind looking pissed), only to turn away again after a few dozen bolts fly. A few were killed, and another one or two were wounded enough to flee the area altogether. The rest retreat back to join the other waiting squads. WIMPS.

17th Galena
My bodyguards now include a third elite wrestler. That's great! Except he IS holding a spear and is SUPPOSED to be training with that. Is it so freaking hard? Poke the stabby end at what you want to die. And more to the point, when are those bloody humans going to attack again so I have an excuse to throw the whole useless meleetry out to their deaths? Ugh. Out of boredom more than anything else I encourage an idle dwarf to fetch a dagger by the north outer trap cluster. It only manages to lure ONE of the humans back into crossbow range, and the marksdwarves must have wasted well over a dozen bolts just killing that one horseless human. I'll have most of our wood crafted into bolts, just in case. Just in case I need a toothpick or back scratcher, that is.

1st Limestone
Some stockpile organising, BLAGH. And The Tax Collector enjoys this?! No, I don't know what he's doing now, either. He must have finished the stockpile records by now, so I don't know what he's supposed to be writing. Anyway, as a reward, I've encouraged Nym to decorate my palace's furniture with the gems left over from the execution chambers. I kind of need to make it up to my eyes after having accidentally caught a glimpse of a dwarf giving birth. It was SO VERY VERY HORRIBLE. Ruins really needs to start issuing condoms. Or arbitrarily executing dwarves in loving relationships, as a precaution. I'd start right now with that mother dyer, but the Dungeon Master is still lying unconscious among the pissed off horses. FINISH HER, useless mount. Yes, that was directed towards the dyer.

10th Limestone
Another wrestler has reached elite level. Damn it dwarves, I gave you weapons, USE THEM or I'm taking your armour and sending you out exploring. At least that child with the strange mood has finally achieved a perfectly normal mood; insanity. At this point it might as well be dead, and if anything it's more satisfying to see it run around babbling. The miners have started digging out a large rectangular area in the mines. For no particular reason, they're just bored and some of the newer miners could use the experience. At this rate I'll need their picks to defend the fortress after the marksdwarves run out of ammo and the meleetry try and karate chop a knight. Actually, that sounds pretty fun. Maybe I'll send the miners out FIRST.

Ha. And to think of Ruins, imagining nobody is watching, darkly brooding on death within her quarters. Maybe she doesn't like what dwarves have done here, and yeah they might be idiots, but how can she be so sure, with a great evil power hidden nearby and the likes of I stalking the halls (naturally) that any darkness truly causing this was a DWARF?

[Jamini]

I have this strange desire to kill this cat.

In magma.
By drowning it, then encasing it in magma, then digging out the magma and dumping the obsidian-encased bones into a chasm.

[Boksi]

Just so you know:

To wield a longsword, a dwarf must use both hands. To use both hands, he must be set to use two weapons.

To dig a pit downwards, I recommend ramps. Ramp the uppermost z-level, then the level below that, and so on.

[OneMoreNameless]

To wield a longsword, a dwarf must use both hands. To use both hands, he must be set to use two weapons.

...

*checks*

...

YOU are my new favourite commenter.

[OneMoreNameless]

- CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: You Get To Live -

A Week In The Life Of: Mebzuth Itdunmorul, Dungeon Master

21st Limestone
There are ... voices. Finally, after so long alone struggling to shield myself from those horses there are dwarven voices coming closer. Everything is blurry, but I can make out short, fuzzy faces. Or maybe those chairs are growing mold, it's hard to tell ...

Somebody is speaking ... softly, muttering about sparring and boredom. Gates are opening. The horses are finally leaving me alone with my pain. The dwarves collide with the horses. Their attacks are almost ... graceful. Two horses are dead on the ground. There are screams from outside, the statue garden, then sighs of relief after a thump of a large, dead body.

Another dwarf, leaning over me. I can make out a kind face, and hear whisperings. Oh god the room is shifting it ... no ... it stops and I find myself resting atop the bed. Beds ... Yes. I must have a bed in my office, I demand it! ... They aren't listening, taking away red chunks the horses left. I can hear the laughter of a party. Two dwarves are talking by my bed, of numbers. Thirty two invaders alive, waiting. Coffins. They're making coffins. NO, I will not perish so easily, I just need rest ...

24th Limestone
The fortress is ... quiet. I barely hear any movement, not even talking. Everybody is still, maybe watching something. I don't know what. Maybe they're dead. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe a titan has arrived on the battlefield and is chasing and killing humans around the place without any more injuries than a minor wound on its right leg. Hypothetically ...


(It is both relevant and important that the first and fifth toes on the Titan's right foot remain clean.)

27th Limestone
I hear partying again. Louder than ever, my head aches. I can faintly hear two dwarves yelling that the siege is over. The humans have fled from the titan, leaving the fortress untouched. The titan itself doesn't attack, just stands around some distance away from the fortress. I guess something wanted these dwarves to live. Some divine power, or just lady luck ... or something darker, wanting us for themselves. We are not attacked, but nobody will be trying to leave any time soon ... I can't even leave this bed, and nobody will take my warnings seriously while I sicken ...

Lady Ruins Practises Her Dramatic Monologues

5th Sandstone
Nothing. A few justified bolts. A crumbled tower, and no evidence to its destruction. Before the humans fled, that is all they saw. Ah ... DAMN IT!

Ahem. A minor setback, there will be other chances. The titan outside is worrying, but Flint's marksdwarves remain on duty and even a beast of that size will fall given enough pinpricks and trapped pebbles. Even the meleetry might stand a chance, Kornash has reached legendary champion status, and there are several more elite wrestlers among his squad, even if they can't use weapons to save their lives. The Dungeon Master is resting badly wounded in the Bedroom Of DOOM! and only when she begins to thirst do I find we have no spare buckets. Two are quickly made and used; we have only a single wood log left now.

8th Sandstone
I'm not entirely sure how and I certainly don't know WHY but Ivanor and The Tax Collector have had a baby girl. The whole fortress is kind of awkward around them now, although nowhere near as much as they are each other. They seem conflicted on a name. The Tax Collector calls her "his little labor investment" while Ivanor calls her "widdle hiwawious bodily fluids maker". Never before have I been so convinced that dwarves are just WRONG.

23rd Sandstone
Although The Tax Collector is adamant there are five puppies still alive, no dwarves have been able to chain them out the front of our fortress. After some searching I've figured out why; they're paddling around with their mother in the flooded mine level. Even the dogs here don't seem to die easily when they put their minds to it. Muskox calves are used instead. In what has all the appearance of a dramatic and symbolic statement, but I suspect is probably no more than a sign of frustration, the meleetry has thrown their weapons aside and sworn to fight only barehanded. Most of them are elite wrestlers by now, anyway. The mad child who was possessed finally died today after a long struggle, bringing some peace to the workshops he was babbling around. Syoan was just glad the only nonsense being yelled now was factual and irrelevant rather than the babblings of some demon.

2nd Timber
One of my legendary miners have been possessed. Unlike the child, he is too valuable to let a demon take. The miner claimed a mason's workshop and, among a large number of other items, needed rough gems. The Tax Collector protested, but to hell with him. The miners are under my protection, and they're hacking apart a sleeping chamber to get the gems out. Meng Amkinezum, farmer, will not complain about a larger room, I'm sure.

9th Timber


(All those spikes make it PERFECT for ... uh ... holding your donuts.)

Well, its certainly thematic. Except for the rainbow trout, I'm not sure what that's supposed to indicate. Hmm, maybe Flint is a repressed homosexual. I almost wish Vidar were still alive to make some comment about him practising shooting his wood, right now. Anyway, I hope merchants arrive soon, we're entirely out of logs.

20th Timber
One dwarf has been standing in the same spot for almost a week now, just watching the Dungeon Master sleep. It is somewhat creepy. Elsewhere in the fortress, two more wrestlers have become champions.


(He's a novice pacifier because all those baby dwarves keep attacking his toes. With their mouths.)

23rd Timber
The large rectangle underneath the fortress has been entirely dug out, all 2852 squares of it. With all the practise, I can only presume the equally large area now designated one level underneath shall be dug out even faster. Speaking of practise, two more wrestlers have become champions. Kornash is itching for a fight, but the titan still isn't attacking, and I fear sending the meleetry out to it would only end with most of them dead.

5th Moonstone
The titan's presence is bothering me. It may be harmless to us outside, but if merchants arrive I fear they would be torn to pieces. I would certainly not complain about looting their remains but the last thing we need is the elves attacking us too, and we'd still have to deal with the titan to fetch anything. Instead, in the interests of making this fortress more self sufficient, I have begun the construction of a tower cap farm. We already have a safe water source that feeds the well, so I'll have an area dug out for irrigation near there, accessible from the dining hall. A 20 by 40 area to begin with, which may be expanded in future years depending on how many caps grow.

9th Moonstone
A vile force of darkness has arrived. Goblins. Hmm, I wonder if the titan will attack them too. I'll check with Flint to see how close the beast is at the WHAT DO YOU MEAN you're shooting at it right now?! Why wasn't I informed?! Somebody close the outer bridge before it gets in the fortress! ... Ah, the bridge retracts just in time to keep it out. The titan might have been squashed into one of the cage traps, but it might also have sidestepped them and shrugged of the weaker traps. Look at the beast, nobody has even scratched it! Stop wasting bolts and get back inside.

Ugh, of course one of the marksdwarves keep firing anyway. After a few shots one bolt actually lightly wounds the beast's lower left leg. The dwarf cheers and then runs downstairs after the others and ... screw it, change of plans. OPEN FIRE! ... Ah, it's barely wounded but somebody managed to knock it unconscious! How close are those goblins? Still a reasonable distance? Good, Kornash, assemble the meleetry. When I give the word we'll open the bridge and you charge it, Flint giving covering fire. Ready? ... NOW!

... What do you mean it's already dead? A minutes ago it did have any worse than scratches and a single light wound, there's no way anyone could have ...


(Kornash: "Lucky shot.")

Hmm. Well. Return to sparring.

10th Opal
The tower cap farm has been dug, stone dumped elsewhere, floodgates hooked up and all that is left is pull two levers to seal the room and begin irrigating it. Outside of the fortress, the goblins are still not attacking. Given this siege seems to consist only of fifteen goblins, and only the two late joiners to the meleetry have not reached champion status, an attack is being readied. We would like out supply lines open at some point, even if the peasant mayor has mandated not to export the silk we managed to collect. Again, after ending the first mandate sometime while the titan was at large.

The water is gushing towards our farm. The meleetry is rushing somewhat haphazardly towards our foes. All we can do now is wait.

And now, it's time for ...
What Would Fluffycuddlekissesjoy Do?

Leave everyone on a cliffhanger because the author was momentarily bored with writing this feeble attempt at serious drama! Mwahahahaha!

Lady Ruins Practises Her Dramatic Monologues

12th Opal
I don't think so.

Ahem, you'll have to excuse me, it's a little frustrating when my ten strong warriors were accidentally stationed too close to the goblins and then continued running into battle at that location one by one rather than first group at their new station further back. And then one of the wrestlers decided to pick a fight with a camel instead. Luckily the fastest three wrestlers arrived together (four, if you count the baby) and attack the waiting goblins. The dwarves group up together and enter trances as the goblins surround them. They're over-exerted very quickly, but maim and kill a few goblins before the one of the champions is struck down. Apparently it is harder to ninja goblins when you are carrying a bawling baby. The baby was also killed. Two more wrestlers arrive and enter the fray, turning the fight back on the goblins. Soon enough the siege is broken and the surviving goblins flee.


(Offscreen, the true battle rages between a tired wrestler and a fleeing camel.)

Kornash never even made it to the battlefield, but took all credit as the trainer. The meleetry headed home and a party was thrown at the microline statue. That was most likely coincidence given there seems to ALWAYS be at least half a dozen dwarves attending parties. One of our two legendary weaponsmiths were recruited as a replacement for the fallen wrestler (but not the baby) and has begun sparring. Kornash finally claimed Asno's powerful blade as a reward for the victory, although worryingly he had to pause for a moment before recalling which end to pick up. Let us hope his skill improves quickly from here. It was at this point Ivanor realised in all the excitement he had the left the tap running. Fortunately, there is not too much water in the farm that it will not still slowly dehydrate.


(Replace the 2s with 0s and you have binary code for ... something.)

18th Opal
In an attempt to allow faster removal of water from the farm, Ivanor attempted to set up an extra pump connected to the well's draining system. Without any pipes to make it, or wood to make the pipes, he tried deconstructing a catapult. This left only the catapult parts, and was no help. [Author's Note: There is enough charcoal and ore for a metal pipe but I kind of only just remembered that.] The process did, however, give Ivanor the idea of using the catapults on the other side of the fort to attack invaders without scaring the operators. It ... should work, if with a much more limited angle of attack. Nym did notice a young tower cap already growing in the well, which could be emptied and used when it is fully grown. Hopefully we will have merchants long before that becomes necessary.

4th Obsidian
After her happy thoughts faded while her injuries did not, the Dungeon Master has become stricken by melancholy. She rose from her bed and staggered a few steps before collapsing again. When she later staggered onto the trap door Nym tried to put her out of her misery by opening it. The Dungeon Master rolled away painfully just before it opened. Distraught, Nym tried several more times only to see the Dungeon Master leap some distance out of the way each time it opened. No dwarf has ever recovered from her state, but she clings to life nevertheless. The Dungeon Master was never really a part of what happened here, just being the unlucky first victim to what evil lurks here. It is ... a shame she will die so soon.

12th Obsidian
Nym was taken by a fey mood. It didn't take long for her to produce "Onerages, the Blunt Pelts", a green tourmaline armour stand that is remarkably unremarkable (hmm) compared to our other artifacts. It was placed in the Bedroom Of DOOM!. One of the miners has heard garbled barking from the flooded mine level recently; the dog long trapped there is still alive and seemingly capable of breathing underwater, but three puppies it gave birth to quickly drowned together. Speaking of water, almost all of the water has dehydrated from the tower cap farm. There are some shrubs and young plants, but enough for any significant use. If no more begin growing by the time those are ready to cut down, I will greatly expand the farm, and dig several other flooding points.

21st Obsidian
THE DUNGEON MASTER LIVES.


(Forever in our hearts, and also in this cage)

[OneMoreNameless]

Incidentally, the next chapter might not be done for a few days longer than usual. Honestly, I'm getting tired of writing this pretty poor attempt at drama and themes and ugh. I'll probably only do two more chapters for this fortress; C.26 with the last bit of plot and some kind of time skip montage thing, then C.27 when I find the HFS. (And C.28 as aftermath if actually, you know, survive it.)

The next fortress and two new plotdwarves are much less serious.

[Glacies]

Uh, the dungeon master only wants rooms. They don't make mandates, and they do some metalwork. Why are you killing yours?

[OneMoreNameless]

Uh, the dungeon master only wants rooms. They don't make mandates, and they do some metalwork. Why are you killing yours?

I don't need her, and it's more fun this way.

[Jamini]

Ooh, I made an artifact!

Could you place it somewhere EPIC before we all die? Like in a 5 story tower with a kennels on the floor below it, or something?

...

Right, just ignore me.

[OneMoreNameless]

This probably doesn't count as epic, but it's not like my dwarves had anything better to do while they waited for their trees to grow. (... God, what are they, ELVES now?)

[Flintus10]

Ahhh The merchant of Death has struck down a titan I am very pleased with how Flint is doing 

[Jamini]

The armor rack in the middle to make it a Barracks?

Truly dwarven!

By the way, if any of the engravings annoy you (like they do me) it is possible to toggle them with D(esignate) -> V(toggle engra(v)ings). It's instantaneous and can make certain rooms look so much better. :3

Before:
 
After


... Ignore the one engraving of a werewolf I missed in the top-right. It's one of my favorites, it's of a werewolf mauling one of my founding dwarves (who is STILL alive sans an arm and leg)