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[sonerohi]

Well, I've been taken over by a fey mood, and have an artifact for the history books in mind. You make it by screaming for one part shitty vocals, one part crappy lyrics, and five parts of cheesy dwarf fortress memes. So far, I've gotten a semi-decent start composed, but feel free to change it around and add on, it's a community project after all. Anyways, my start:

Hey newb don't be hatin
just cuz ya nobles are mandatin
just cuz your forts a sham
and yer possesed demands a clam
Dwaaarrrfff fooorrrtrrreeeessss
ye can't do jack
your dwarves are all wack
you embarked with 9 axes and a cat
you got wiped by a zombie bat
and now you tried to use the reclaim
only to get put to shame
dwwwwwaaaaarrrrfff fooorrrrtrrreesss
them fire imps got your guys
lookin like french fires
thats right fires not fries
dwaaarrrfff fooorrrrtrrreeeessss
your bleedin from the eyes
"why of whys?
did I get magma on a grassland?"
gonna esc->disband
Dwarf Fortress

[Duke 2.0]

 You forgot to repeat a simple beat/phrase as to fill in time using less work because you are a lazy ass.

 I know my rap well. Well, the horrible generic kind that people love to make.

 And what rhymes with Boatmurdered?

[inaluct]

This is baaaaaaaddddd. The bad bad. Not the good bad.

[sonerohi]

Hey, you try to make your own rap. It's alot easier to bash on someone elses things than see the flaws in your own, or to create your own.

[MagicJuggler]

Yo I'm OG Urist straight outta Mountainkeep
I'm holdin' all the cards so betta read em an weep
I'm lord of the mack and I've never known defeat
When it comes to mack daddies I'm the elite of the elite.

My robes be dragonscale, the leatherwork sublime
And studded with diamond bling, sparkling so fine.
My solid gold goblet packs the finest sunberry wine,
Damn, all these awesome things are all mine,

To my left is my homie whom I call dolomite
A tough muthafucka who'll whoop you in a fight
With his adamantine gat you can kiss yo ass goodnight
And he'll hammertime you dead faster than the speed of light

A Kobold out of Compton ganked our food supply,
till we caught it in a cage trap; that busta gonna die.
So we rigged his cage to a drawbridge to the sky,
And we pulled the trigger; told the busta fool goodbye.

We found out where his homies was at,
we grabbed us our hammers, and the adamantine gat,
shot our way through cave spiders and the occasional bat,
then found the Kobold cave, thinking "this will be disast"

We grabbed the screwpump magma-machine
We gonna wipe the earth of these koblds clean
We pulled the lever and the Kobold screams
Were drowned out in magma flowing like cream.

We headed back to the crib to chillax
We hung up the gat and the battleax
And that's our story; really that's that
I'm OG Urist, Mountainkeep is where the party's at.

[inaluct]

Hey, you try to make your own rap. It's alot easier to bash on someone elses things than see the flaws in your own, or to create your own.

Well, obviously. I can criticize yours with a handful of words, but it would take actual thought and typing to write one.

Now that MagicJuggler has posted his, I have more detailed criticism to give you (which isn't really surprising, as my previous criticism was calling it "bad"); you're rap isn't verbose enough. You used a lot of short, irrelevant little phrases, and the rap didn't tell a coherent story. It told one, but it was hard to follow, and there didn't seem to be much continuity. A zombie bat kills everybody. Okay. Reclaim. Fire imps kill everybody. Zombie bats and fire imps are not closely related, so it seems weird. Also, you don't use correct punctuation. Punctuation looks good. I'm sure it would be much better with punctuation. Changing the punctuation and a few of the phrases (the clam thing, some DF-irrelevant stuuf) would make it jump from bad to good, in my opinion.

MagicJuggler on the other hand, wrote one that rhymes without sounding too forced, talks about genocide, and is really, really cheesy in a good way. The story it tells is coherent and easy to follow. 100/100, would critique again.

[Jude]

Pasty-white folks listening to and appreciating rap: A-OK

Pasty-white folks trying to make raps about the whitest subjects imaginable: embarrassing and painful

[Duke 2.0]

Pasty-white folks listening to and appreciating rap: A-OK

Pasty-white folks trying to make raps about the whitest subjects imaginable: embarrassing and painful

 What if the first group is listening to the second group?

[glitchopo]

I might be short but I'm a legendary Fish Dissector, dood!
But I just cancelled fish dissecting to hunt vermin for food!

peace (with Elves that is)

[inaluct]

Pasty-white folks listening to and appreciating rap: A-OK

Pasty-white folks trying to make raps about the whitest subjects imaginable: embarrassing and painful

It's supposed to be groan-inducing (I think). Like jokes that are so bad that they're funny.

[Jude]

Pasty-white folks listening to and appreciating rap: A-OK

Pasty-white folks trying to make raps about the whitest subjects imaginable: embarrassing and painful

It's supposed to be groan-inducing (I think). Like jokes that are so bad that they're funny.

Yeah....that would be what you might call a "fail."

[inaluct]

Pasty-white folks listening to and appreciating rap: A-OK

Pasty-white folks trying to make raps about the whitest subjects imaginable: embarrassing and painful

It's supposed to be groan-inducing (I think). Like jokes that are so bad that they're funny.

Yeah....that would be what you might call a "fail."

Who says horrible failure can't be funny? Do you not laugh at pictures of people flipping off their BMX bikes, breaking their legs in basketball hoops, or smashing their heads on diving boards?

Of course you do. Everybody does. Sometimes secretly, but we all do it. This is the same thing, except on a lesser level of id-satisfying humor.

[Pilsu]

Gee, Dwarf Fortress rap is terrible, who woulda thunk? 

Now we just need someone to dress up like an idiot and make a youtube video of singing it

[John Johnston]

Pasty-white folks listening to and appreciating rap: A-OK

Pasty-white folks trying to make raps about the whitest subjects imaginable: embarrassing and painful

Out of curiosity, how do you know they're both pasty-white?  (edit)  And what exactly do you mean by "white", and why is DF such an examplar of it?

[Skyrage]

God damn it. This thread just made me imagine a bunch of dwarfs in gangsta style clothing, sun glasses, cap and pickaxes. If I actually knew how to draw it I would probably do so just for the sake of hilarity.