Okay, Strike the Earth!
Anyway, dramatis personae, people:
Miguel 'Haven' Medenkib. Profession: hardened street criminal. Our stoneworker. Also, surprisingly, not in any of our noble positions. I'm changing that, because he's the only one who has any skill in brokering, trading, appraisal, or organization.
'Discuised' Tatunib. Profession: Former Olympic 400m Swimmer, indicted on doping charges. He has come to make himself a new life in Nevermind, the Buttery Aura of Angels. He is, inexplicably, our current administrator.
Emperor Johnathan. Profession: Bounty Hunter. Emperor Johnathan hails from the bloody streets of Tantanus V. Known for his flamboyant clothing and jewelry, and his over-the-top ways of subduing bounties, he has gained the nickname "Emperor of Gay," but he prefers "Emperor." He has journeyed to Nevermind to claim a bounty on one of the local mountain goats.
...But which one?'Shoruke' Ustmorel. Profession: War Criminal. A former mountainhome engineer, Shoruke was exiled from his homeland over an incident involving a catapult, a cow, a Count's daughter, and- OH WAIT I SAID COW ALREADY HAH HA DWARV WOMEN ARE FAT HA HA
Shortarse the Savagely Beaten. Profession: Hero. Despite his unfortunate name, Shortarse is actually one of the greatest heros of the mountainhomes. Born 'Shortarse Ensebkivish', he was trained by his rather interesting parents from an early age to run head on into dangerous situations. He gained his full name when he slew a titan with his bare hands and a two handed sword (he wasn't wearing gloves). He had been destined for heroism since a young age; it was written in an ancient set of prophecies that he would defeat an ancient scourge of dwarfkind, a titan. It was also written that he would someday travel with his stolid companions to Nevermind, where he would defeat a menace greater than anything he had ever faced before. It was also written that although he would ultimately defeat it, it would destroy him in the process. He comes to fulfill the prophecy.
Tlaloc. Profession: Corn God. Okay, I can't do this any more. I did name a peasant Tlaloc, though, and he'll be farming. There is one other unnamed peasant.
And an award winning cast of 34 cats!