Let's write the worst thing ever!
Just make this the worst plot, worst dialog, worst worst story ever, one paragraph at a time. There are only two rules:
1: continue where the last poster left off
2: there are no other rules
For the inspiration, check out:
http://adamcadre.ac/07lyttle.htmlBelow is the existing text of the story, but remember that logic and consistency are both unnecessary for this story.
--- The President walked out of his office, munching a crispy donut on that fateful July morning. Little did Secret Service agent Sam Korwal know exactly how fateful that day would be, as he watched the crumbs trickle down the sides of the chief of commander's mouth. Neither of them are important though, because this story takes place in England! Anyway, jimmy ran down the English channel-side street, clutching a newspaper emblazoned with the headline: "There Might be a Big Earthquake soon, says man!"
As Jimmy ran down the street he was hit by a bus being driven by that expert while eating a donut and in Canada a moose was chewing on walnuts while a mountie was watching a man jump off a cliff.
As the man, however, jumped off the cliff, he pulled a parachute, in order to escape from the mouse, who unknowlingly had just taken a chomp out of an explosive walnut, of which the mountie was unaware of and took 100,000 pounds of plastic explosive shaped like a walnut. At the same time, in England, the expert just then phoned his authorities. "The job is finished, boss. I got him before he was able to reached the big daddy." "The what now?" "y'know, the mafia leader". "oh."
As the expert got off the phone he felt a sickly feeling in his left toe when he began to walk his entire toe started to attract metal and by the time he got to his house a moose fell on him and the note said "THIS IS MOOSE" Unfortunately, the Moose was also undead and decided to try to devour the expert's sickly toe! But the expert was saved by an abhorrently ugly man with a rope, whose jacket displayed the title "moose noose-man". The ugly man, with lightning quick speed, threw the noose around the moose, who although was undead, was susceptable to having the noose yanked in the opposite direction of its neck, which preceded to break and spill a purple substance, which had a similiar taste to grapefruit juice. After taking a long gulp of the substance, the ugly man then said farewell, and hailed a cabbie.
The cabbie crashed into a big rig and for some strange reason the US was all like... What the Pancake, life is boring. Let's have nuclear war with Britain! After the accident only the big rig driver survived and he set the two vehicles on fire and walked to a safe distance unknowing what was going on in the US with some drunk leaders. After that, the drunk leaders changed their view to france and started to attempt what they thought was an evil laugh. Then a temporal rift opned, just like this KABLAM and from it came an army of undead nut eatting noose mooses.
The menaceing mooses moved, menacinly, in a menacing forward motion, menacingly. Theodore, our hero, felt menace. Menace. There was poop everywhere. i mean everywhere... no you don't understand it... was... everywhere. Anyway, Theodor choose to reenacting mr. hands and then all the poop morphed into a gelatinous substance, and it started to make a sound like eggs being fried in a skillet, and they then flung themselves on any near passerby. The nearby passerby gained superpowers, the ability to be just like wolverine and spiderman! It was SO AWSOME. And he went like this: WOOOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH. WOOSH. And few around faster liek litenign! The Passerby was all, I saw you mister hands, and he stuffed Theodores' head unto a cannon and shot it into the moon. Man, The Passerby was really cool.
However when the head hit the moon it plunged through the surface and destroyed part of the alien compound within. This angered the aliens because they thought they had taught the Earth not to invade their territory after assassinating Kennedy and causing the collapse of the Soviet Union. So their leader Xenu, returned to Earth, where the Scientologist's took all of their members with the highest Thetan Levels and they used their god-like power which had been restored to them through the church. What they did is they went back in time, layed him next to a volcano prior to erupting. His soul then started to rise up, but they had anticipated this and they caught it with a giant soul catching machine. After which they placed his soul within the fetus of the developing Rick Astley, Forever trapped, then around more recent times they created the phenomenom of Rick Rolling, in hopes that it would subliminally blind people to the teachings of Scientology, or just make them focus on Rick Rolling each other so much that they completely ignore all real world topics and the Church can take over the world.
While the Church is taking over the world Tom Cruise and a Moose are having in front of the Pope while the Man in The Dark Coat dances around everyone. But it turned out that the Man in the Dark Coat was really wearing a khaki coat and was dancing with it open! All of a sudden!! The ninja turtles attack him and steal is almighty coat, no they will have the power of perfect flight and proficiency with all exotic weapons. Then out of nowhere the hippies attack.
End of Chapter 1
Ch. 2:
Jimmy, the newspaper boy, was reanimated by the purple stuff from the undead moose. Lurching like an undead zombie newspaper boy, he growled and said: " I am a zombie and because of that I will destroy the hippies that are attacking with my zombie powers because I am a zombie!" And he did that. The hippies jumped down on zip lines from ethanol-burning hemp helicopters and started doing nijitsu attack yoga at the mooses in a violent way. But Jimmy the Zombie Newspaper Boy was angry and strong, and so he started to bite the hippies and make them zombie ninja hippies that where all smelly. Soon jimmy had an army of zombie hippies and was still angry so he wanted to attack the capital of London. The President of London, who lived in the capital city of England said "hey oh noe I am in trouble. Lets get those guys with the funny hats and who don't laugh even when tourists are really funny. And we'll have them fight the zombies." Because he didn't know they where zombie ninja hippies.
He did not know for the zombie smell over powered the hippie smell. any way, the TMNT became zombies too. Many more people became zombies, and soon afterwards the Sony Cooperation, decided to hire them and use them in their PR department. Microsoft also hired them and had them develop the 360's hardware(which accounts for the failure rate), and Nintendo decided to have them develop online for the Wii. However the TMNT zombies were mistaken for endangered Sea Turtles and were poached and eaten by Raptor Jesus. But in there dying breaths, the Ninja turtles were able to accidentally raise the price of the TMNT game on Virtual Console. Then the MFCP was put in to power in the small country of Mooselavania and then the president readied the missles for a imminet attack against the Dutch.
Now, all this talk of meeses and peetsas has got Lord Voldemort wondering where his missing sock is... he requests that anyone with info on it should contact the Blues Brothers at 867-5309. Tell them that the sock is magical in that it gets losted easily... now the dutch actually stole Voldster's sock so when they were getting attaced by the president of Mooselavania (wherever the hellck that isn't), the dead parachuter from Lord of the Flies calls the Weird Sisters and requests that they come pick up the sock then sing at the Yule Ball which is already over with. Jrr Tolkien rolls in his grave after hearing the news of the sock that is eternally lost. Dumbledore, after picking up a copy of Harry Potter 6 Before it was actually released, decides to peek at the ending of the book that holds the journey before him. "Snape kills Dumbledore," In his outrage he decides to see of he can make teach a monkey speech and have it run for president after it is shaven, after he spams teh internetz with the news.
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Topic: Let's write the worst thing ever! (Read 5758 times)