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[inaluct]

Hey, have you considered using suicide booths to kill the nobles?

[Shoruke]

Yes I have. It's probably going to happen soon. Now stop ruining the plotline.

[R1ck]

Nice, 10 posts in one day! Also, maybe that "dwarven census" thing should occur every two years or so. That way, we
can all see just how much mass-murdering I've done.

[inaluct]

You know what would be awesome?

Building some levers outside, telling the nobles to pull them, and then locking them out.

You know, let the skamels rend their flesh and leave their bones to bleach in the hot desert sun?

Skeleton camels are skamels.

[Shoruke]

Yay, good ideas! By someone other than me, no less!

Hmm... building a huge tower and then locking the nobles out of it... it's promising... or maybe something involving a bridge that is opened from the outside... (of course they aren't smart enough to just pull the lever again)

Or maybe we'll stick them in the arena and make a public show of them being devoured...

anyway I'm not going to kill them just yet, I want to use them to infuriate my character a bit and make for some funnies 

[Shoruke]

Shoruke's Log. 24th of Felsite. (late spring, year 20)
I ALMOST hit those elves. I literally missed them by one foot, which is pretty damn good considering how long that hallway is. I did manage to kill two of Rick's three war dogs though, who didn't seem very intent on following him to his post.

And then there's this.



I really had no idea windows had quality parameters to them. My congrats to Inaluct.

At this point I'm kinda miffed that none of the elves or their pack animals went berserk and killed each other. You know what, I'm going to disassemble the ballista and set it up right next to them. And I'm going to scum my last save so that Rick can keep his dogs. The masterful window is a bit of a loss too, but there will be others.

[Shoruke]

Shoruke's Log. 18th of Hematite. (early summer)
A legendary human diplomat arrived. Great, more nobles. At least this one won't give us mandates, just trade agreements.

I got worried when the caravan didn't arrive with him, but they showed up shortly after (from a completely different diretion). Apparently they don't mind that we kept the elves hostage. Speaking of them, I had to deconstruct part of the glass hallway, set up the ballista, and fume while some idiot mechanic missed everything he was aiming at, from point blank range. We had one shot left before the humans got into the fortress, so I told him to take the one shot, and... success!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I like how we took off three of its four legs in one shot. Ballistae are powerful indeed. And apparently they're going to dehydrate. Now we don't have to worry about killing them anymore! Yay!

[Shoruke]

Shoruke's Log. 23rd of Hematite. (early summer, year 20)
In terms of trading, this month failed. The humans all showed up, so I told everyone to start bringing stuff to the depot, and they did. Then the goblins showed up too, quite a few of them. I ordered all of the military to follow Rick out. All ambushes were directed at the caravan. The first was four bow-goblins, and Rick rushed out to kill all four of them... which he did, on his own, without even being scratched. For this, and all of his other achievements, we now call him...

Rick RFB Oslanes Ginetdobar Zas

or

Rick RFB Windclears the Crewed Creation of Crystal

You really can't have any idea how long it took us to think up that honorable name... Okay it took .000003 seconds, roughly.

Anyway, all of the other three ambushes had bowmen in them too, and they were in co-ordination with some baby snatchers. The baby snatchers, however, met their match without even facing the dwarven military; one was killed by the local boars, and one was caught in a cage trap. HAHAHA we have a caged goblin! I wonder... how much it SELLS for? Or maybe I'll just stick it in the arena and watch someone pwn it's butt.

Anyway, one of the merchants died and we get his stuff; some food, a couple pieces of metal, some way-too-decorative way-too-big armor. I think that's the first time a non-elven merchant has died on our soil. I say this because the dwarven merchants obviously have not been attacked by the fire imps before. And one of their guards did not jump into the volcano to save him. Definately not.

Also among the spoils of this month were the goblins' clothes. Most were marksdwarves, who have iron arrows (which are not compatable with crossbows and will therefore be melted), and some of them were wearing a full set of iron (which is not compatable with us decent-sized dwarves and will therefore be melted). Free iron! Well, almost free. We didn't have to trade anything for it, anyway.

Oh, and during the middle of the siege was the bi-yearly (as in once every two years) election. The dwarves decided that since we were in current conflict and the new leader would have trouble adjusting for a bit, and since I have been doing such a good job thus far, that I am the best choice for mayor.

Shoruke's Log. Supplementary.
Apparently diplomats aren't as easily scared off as merchands are. While the baroness meets with the legendary diplomat, I'm stuck making a trade agreement with the normal one.

Shoruke's Log. Supplementary Squared.
I was just watching the elves feel sorry for themselves a bit to cheer myself up, when all of a sudden they died. I presume it was of dehydration. Well, that's what you get for not bringing your own water into a SCORCHING FRIGGING HOT DESERT, idiots. And for not having decent sized clothes to trade us, and for raising all those skeletal camels to attack us. Hah!

Shoruke's Log. 28th of Hematite. (mid summer, year 20)
Our fortress has reached 1,000,000 munnies of value. Yay!

I reviewed the minutes of the baroness' meeting. It goes like:

Human: "It is an honor to meet with you."
Dwarf: "You too."
Human: "Nice place you've carved out here."
Dwarf: "Thanks."
Human: "Bye bye." *leaves*
Dwarf: "... eh? I'm confused. I'm going to make a mandate."

Well, she had been going to, but she let her fat hubby do it because she was too tired after spending so much energy on that meeting. He mandated the construction of a table, which is easily doable... once someone gets two spare seconds between hauling jobs. Not to be outdone, I mandated the construction of three ballista arrows. We need to replenish the stockpiles after using so many on those stupid elves.

Apparently the nobles are unhappy with their rooms (except the tax collector who got that artifact armor stand). I don't understand it! They have nice big rooms, will all the walls AND floors engraved, and more furniture than they're ever likely to need, and they still want more! ARGH! Rose gold statues it is then, but they can fricking wait until all the hauling is done. I personally have only one complaint about my living conditions. There's too much vomit and corpses.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Sir_Geo]

Sign me up! 

Name: Sir Geo
Profession:Swordsdwarf
Backstory: A noble who made the king mad and was demoted and sent to a desert. Wants to train in the art of sword wielding and to hopefully have a chance to get back at the king...

[inaluct]

...But will his dark past haunt him even here?

[Shoruke]

who knows. Anyway, you're in. But in the next wave of immigrants I'm going to have to put a lot of people into the military if everyone wants their own squad...

Shoruke's Log. 8th of Malachite. (mid summer, year 20)
Another dwarf came up to me today requesting a name change. I was initially sceptical of her sanity, but she continued with an anecdote including her deep-seated hatred for nobility (despite being on the nobles page, I am not a noble because of birth). So I agreed with her name change. Thikut the swordsdwarf shall henceforth be known as 'Sir Geo'.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Who DOESN'T like adamantine?

Maybe the 'Name Change Syndrome' is related to being in the military. If we had a psycologist or even a doctor resident in the fortress, I would ask them to conduct a study, but a) we do not, and b) everyone's too busy.

Well I suppose I should let the army get back to goofing off or whatever it is they do when they're off duty. It's surely not anything productive. Well, I'm obviously not going to let ALL of them off the hook, only some of them. I suppose Rick deserves a break after that performance, and Monk could use some time to catch up on his "shoosting" at the archery range.

Shoruke's Log. 12th of Malachite. (mid summer, year 20)
One of the woodcutters was out, well, cutting wood, when the local warthogs left and the skeletal camels appeared right next to him. He fled, and the camels chased him. I sent Flint to rescue his sorry butt, which seemed like an easy enough feat for him. After all, Flint is a fully-armored, accomplished swordsdwarf, and there was only one camel chasing the woodcutter. Flint defeated the camel easily. But the axedwarf under his command, instead of obeying his captain, foolishly went for the rest of the camels (there were three of them in a small pack), and was slain. Flint beat the camels off him with the help of his dog. Anyway, now we get all his stuff back. Somehow, this fact doesn't quite offset the loss of an axedwarf.

And Inaluct made a masterful glass window. He's never done that before. Really.

[inaluct]

I'm not sure I feel safe.


Anyway, can I have my own squad of civilian masons, mechanics, carpenters, and glassmakers?

As is, a non-fighting squad? That isn't on military duty in any way?

I promise that it'll increase our inefficiency ONE THOUSUND PERCENT!!!!!

[Shoruke]

umm, how would that work? As in have a bunch of workers drafted into the military and be perpetually off duty? I don't get it.

[inaluct]

No, just do the promotion thing so they're under me. Don't activate anybody. It's like a squad, except it has no useful function.

[Shoruke]

Ah. I will try this.

Shoruke's Log. 14th of Malachite. (mid summer, year 20)
Inaluct approached me this morning (he was acting a lot like a liason... simply waiting creepily at the foot of my bed for me to wake up), and made a strange request. I swear this fortress goes slightly crazier every day. Anyway, the request was to have his own production squad. I supposed it couldn't hurt as long as everyone still did their work. I granted him a mason, a mechanic, a furnace operator, and a carpenter. I wonder what the actual effects of making this 'squad' will be.

Shoruke's Log. Supplementary.
The baron consort abritrarily made another mandate: three battle axes. Say WHAT?!? We already have too many, dude. At this rate we won't need to make a single battle axe this is not part of a mandate. We might even have to start selling off weapons, just to get some space.

SELLING WEAPONS! Selling elven/goblin clothes is so much more fun.

And we have the coliseum window-production halfway done.

Shoruke's Log. 16th of Malachite. (mid summer, year 20)
One of the Royal Guard bled to death today. Sucks for him. I hate the guard, I really do. They refuse orders from everyone. All they do all day is spar (which is how this specimen died), eat, drink, and sleep. Their only real use is as practice dummies for the real fighters in the fortress. If anyone attacks and goes for the nobles, well, I'm sure that between Rick and our various traps that The Guard won't be needed.