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[TalonisWolf]

 One zombie. Entire fortress drafted, a significant amount of which had armour and weapons.

 Zombie proceeds to gut each and every dwarf, one by one, slowly and painfully over a process of five DF years. The last dwarf manages to seal the fortress from the outside world, in a heroic sacrifice which would have saved the world from its presence.

  If I hadn't attempted to build a separate fortress on the same embark to guard over the ruinous thing... and dug into the caverns.

  Which had open access to the other fortress I couldn't see yet.

  Rinse and repeat the tragic slaughter, only without sealing the seemingly Eldritch terror from the rest of the world. It lasted three years, as I slowed it down by releasing FB, Goblin, Clown and Megabeast from containment. IT STILL PREVAILED.

 It was a long time before I attempted another embark within the radius of a Necromantic Tower's range or an evil biome, and I always seal the fortress if one gets inside. I will never let this catastrophe repeat itself, for the sake of what little shreds of sanity I have left.

 

[PDF urist master]

are you sure it's not a husk?

[Frostea]

Recently I had 3 vampires that I decided to make into a military squad. Initially, I wanted to give them armor to prevent them from getting bad thoughts as I was planning to lock them in their barracks to train til eternity ends. Unfortunately, my armoursmith is a lazy asshole who takes breaks too frequently, so production was moving along slowly.

Eventually, the armorsets were dropped into the barracks through a  retracting bridge. But for all his skills, Urist McVampireSgt ccouldn't dodge a falling - copper breastplate-, and his middle spine was shattered. Usually this would mean death for any dwarf since they wouldn't be able to breath, but McVampireSgt had other ideas.

Subsequently, one bed in the hospital was permanently occupied by a vegetable vampire.  A few in-game years later, I finally did something about it. I channelled out the top of the hospital, attached a support which was linked to a lever that one of the vampire squad mates can pull. The vampire who pulled it got a promotion, while I laughed my ass off. Killing a cripple seemed to be justice to me even though I should feel bad about it.

[nzybwnb]

Back in my youth, I built my first trap: an atom smasher right in front of the main entrance to my fort. When the first siege came it worked like a charm, smashing them into powder faster than you could blink. Delighted, I turned off the "stay inside" order and went to check something.

By the time the messages began appearing, more than half my fort had already been balefired. The festival turned into mourning, and the song to lamentation.

[Deus Asmoth]

I had a cat that discovered three goblin ambushes simultaneously. Not wanting to test my inept military against the goblins, I sealed the fortress. The goblins then spent nearly six months chasing the cat around the map, pausing only to kill the elven caravan that arrived in spring. They eventually killed the cat just in time for the humans to show up and kill most of the goblins with their guards. I don't know why I found the whole thing hilarious at the time, probably just because I was imagining the goblins shouting "Get the kitty!" at each other.

[Buel]

I finally have a post worthy of mention! I'm on a glacier fort, were doing super good. We have native irons and coppers and gold and lots of fuel. Well, usually when a were-creature from my experience enters, they enter on the corner of the map. Well this one so happen to literally appear RIGHT NEXT TO A DWARF. It was a were-elk, and I was like oh my gosh, now's the perfect time to have my inexperienced military hurt this sucker! Well, the poor dwarf by the elk was literally a new migrant. She got her spine damaged, her legs ripped off. My dwarves are hacking away at this were-creature doing decent damage. It turns and rips off a dwarf's nose! Then  when it's losing some more, it fled...right into a cage trap! Turns out its an amphibian woman! She left behind a giant sock lacks injuries and is now a permanent trophy for my kingdom! oh apparently she's a well crafted amphibian woman....

[primalucem]

I've been experimenting a bit with ways to execute goblins and other beasties caught in the cage traps. Sadly, my first attempt didn't go quite as planned.  After pitting all the cages, I noticed several gobbos and other weaker annoyances milling around the bottom of the pit, with varying degrees of wounds. Mostly broken limbs, one or two internal injuries from the spikes, but no fatalities. Quite disappointing. I suppose it's only a 5 or 6 story drop, and I think they cushioned each other's fall.  Now, there's a thing about falling on spike traps.  There's a chance to dodge the spike as you hit it.  If you fail, well, spike. If you succeed... crazy fucking XP.  So, this one goblin, out of about 5, dodges as he lands, only breaking his shin. You can see it in the log... he starts as "goblin lasherdwarf" (uses a whip as a weapon), and after breaking the shin is suddenly "furious goblin lasher", furious begin the goblin equivalent of "ridiculous badass"  I didn't notice this right away, else I would have found a more magma-intensive way to get rid of him.  Instead, I send in the troops to finish them off.  I unlock the door and all hell breaks lose. The 4 other goblins go down instantly, already wounded, before my mighty steel-clad and bearded horrors. But the furious lasher... oh my god. He only actually killed two dwarves outright, lashing them in the head and shattering their skulls, but he actually managed to incapacitate all 20 of my military dwarves, and 6 more civilians I hastily drafted to contain him.  He limped up and down the main staircase, the very center of the fortress, breaking or fracturing the bones of every last military dwarf I have.  ALL OF THEM. But he didn't kill them.  He left them like that, curled up in pain, immobile or unconscious, I suppose because that's how they had left him, at the bottom of a pit with a broken shin, for weeks.
I realized there was no way to kill him. Not a single soldier could score a hit on him. Most civilians ran faster than him (what with the broken shin), so he wasn't as dangerous as he could have been. He did manage to break my broker's legs, which is very inconvenient.

How did I get rid of him?  Well, I realized that he had nowhere to go, as my gates were closed (this happened right at the tail end of a human seige).  When the humans eventually buggered off, I opened the gate, and he made for the exit, to my extreme relief. He almost escaped too, but he got caught in the same cage trap at the front gate that he had been caught in at least a year before.  You can be damned sure he's not going back down that hole. I am considering displaying him  in my dining hall, for all my dwarves to torment and spit upon, but I'm not going to attempt to move him down there until at least some of my military recovers. Meanwhile, I'm digging a far more deadly pit with a magma backup, just in case I accidentally turn any other prisoners into gods of war.

[MrsStick]

Hooray, shaft of enlightenment!

If you do a d-b-d on his cage and then un-dump designate the cage itself, your dwarves will take all of his armor/weaponry away. It might take a while (you'll have to open the unit menu and check him using v-i before you move him). Then designate him to be chained (build a restraint, then add him to it) and he'll follow your dwarf tamely to his new chain home. Then you can set your inexperienced military to kill him and, since he has no weapons, he shouldn't do much damage AND you can teach your dwarves a lesson about anyone who messes with your fort. And maybe torture him too, if your military is bad enough.

[Tonic]

One of my hunters, Dodok, was out shooting crundles in the caverns when he got interrupted by a giant cave spider.  It grabbed his head in its mouth and was just standing there shaking him.  Apparently you cannot load a crossbow while a giant spider is shaking you around like a rag doll.

Then I see a little dark red dwarf nearby.  His son, come to visit him.

Son: "Dad, noooo!"

Dodok: "Run, boy!"

Spider:  "SSssSssss" *shake shake shake*

Chilling.

[primalucem]

Thank you Mrs. Stick! This is the only game I can think of that I can play for 2 years and still be learning the controls!

I think I'm going to keep him alive and on a leash. He doesn't deserve a clean death since he refused to give one to the dwarves he maimed.

Anybody have an idea of how to non-lethally punish this guy over many long years? Preferably in the dining room where others may watch?

[Flarp]

I thought I was very clever bringing all by dwarves inside just in time for the cloud of Evil Smoke to pass overhead.

Excepting, of course, the single cow I left grazing.

Cue sounding the all clear after the smoke passes - the two newly-migrated families of like five kids each frolic out onto the rocky, rainy beach, the one part of the map that isn't Terrifying.

Then, from atop the hill the fortress was carved into, like a bovine spectre of death, loomed Cattenrithar Etomustuth, the cow evil smoke zombie.

The carnage was impressive. Thank Armok the Mountainhome sends armed guards to this desolate rock.

[ancistrus]

My fort was built around a large cyllindric hole that I dug out.On one z-level I designated jail in such a way that a large part of fortress could look at it (and prisoners could look at other, free dwarves).
One constantly unhappy troublemaking girl tantrumed and went to jail. There she gradually stripped naked, throwing her clothes at the free dwarves across the pit. Eventually she was completely naked and miserable and exposed to everyone. She died of madness in the end, but she did manage to hurt some dwarves with her throwing.

[Vyro]

When embarking under the shadow of the Tower for the first time in Masterwork, I kind of knew what to expect. Stress "kind of".

We hastily put up fortifications and seal them just in time for the indead fun to pay us a welcoming visit. Then a stray fireball hits a perimeter door, followed by immediate reanimation of the courtyard corpse pile. The undead wave comes crashing in, the alarm is sounded, but most got caught in between their dead and ours. I seal off the battlements and they become a grand massacre sight with dozens hanging still from the bloodied walls. The rest barricade underground, vast stashes of food and a well offering us a second chance in this.

About half a year later we manage to reclaim the surface and start cleaning up this massive mess. A huge migration wave comes in, followed closely by another dead walk. Some made it inside, some didn't. And then the walls themselves rise up and shamble forward. The last squad of marksdwarfs desperately covers the retreat, with only the commander miner somehow surviving. With heavy heart I order the undead grinder assembled. The heroic miner taps it, but some monsters come from behind and he is overwhelmed and torn limb from limb. The grinder takes effect. Turns out even them semi-megabeast Lich-things are still vulnerable to the good old surprise drawbridge to the dome. The undead horde is slowly thinned out but some are permanently stuck outside fighting each other.

And then something comes down my garbage well. Dok, the winged deity of death has come and is perching on my refuse pile, busily reanimating it. I figure now or never and order every able dwarf to charge at the thing. It didn't like it one bit. Limbs fly and screams echo, until the selfless major chases it to the surface and mortally wounds. The giant vulture then tries to escape and bleeds out right in the air, crashing down smack in the middle of the courtyard and blasting everything around with gore. The undead charge and survivors fall back inside but the major is left for dead wounded outside, being slowly eaten alive. At this point the population numbers exactly six dwarfs, with two of them children and three resting heavy wounds. Which leaves only one woman with a featherwood crossbow and nothing else, who comes back up to save the major. She headshots one zombie and proceeds to bash the other two to their final deaths with nothing but a scratch, untrained and unarmoured. The major bleeds out on her hands. She takes his title.

I remove all jobs from her other than feed the wounded. And what does she do? She goes on a break in her new office. Now imagine this. The surface rumbles with a battle of obscene scale betweed the human regiment and the undead horde. In the middle stands a small fort, walls painted with blood all over. Demon dogs stalk its courtyard and ravage the corpses. The dungeons are all but abandoned, with only weak moans of the wounded breaking the grave silence. And in the heart of it all sits the last able woman of the fort, enjoying her wine in luxury, and a random orphan kid.

Then she forged a steel battle axe and went outside. The kid never saw her again.

[ImagoDeo]

My fort was built around a large cyllindric hole that I dug out.On one z-level I designated jail in such a way that a large part of fortress could look at it (and prisoners could look at other, free dwarves).
One constantly unhappy troublemaking girl tantrumed and went to jail. There she gradually stripped naked, throwing her clothes at the free dwarves across the pit. Eventually she was completely naked and miserable and exposed to everyone. She died of madness in the end, but she did manage to hurt some dwarves with her throwing.

WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THIS?

[Tonic]

In Dwarf Fortress I am not a responsible pet owner.  They get hurt when sieges come around.  I had one dog who'd been gutted by a goblin but somehow survived.  He spent his days dragging his guts all over the fortress, bringing everyone down.  There were literally two squares of guts following that dog everywhere.  Every time I'd play, Downer the Dog would drag his stinking entrails onto the z-level I was looking at and I would get depressed.  Thought about killing him several times, but I just felt too sorry for him.  I'll twist the heads off of six newborn kittens at a time, but I won't put a gutshot dog out of his misery.