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[silhouette]

WELLL....

One of my dwarfs was stupid enough to stand on the tile he was channeleing and fell straight down onto a cage trap... he was unconcious and became caged...

I then had the fun of either a) releasing him
b) chaining him up
c) CHUCKING HIM DOWN THE PIT OF DEATH

Since it was my only legendary miner now, as the other one died in an... "Accident".
I saved and then chucked him down the pit...
This pit is 20zl in height btw so there is a nice explosion of limbs...


Another few incidents with the pit is chucking MASSES OF GOBLINS down it, i swear, HUNDREDS of goblins being chucked down it, certainly pleased the blood god that day...
Although miasma almost filled it up...

ANd the most fun time with the pit of death...
Puppies.
they were clogging up my halls and screweing up my fps...
Chuk em down the pit and i get this message... like 70 times...

" a stray puppy has been struck down due to collision with an object!"

fun times...

Next plan is to make a goblinball stadium.

ALso finding what an ocean was called during world gen...
"The ocean of climaxes"

[dakenho]

Sorry in advance for the grammatical/spelling mistakes
I just started a new fortress that looked like it would starve to death.  With giant eagles, zombie goats (wtf I know), wait … wtf? … when did..how did I get 13 dwarfs…An immigration wave??? It’s my first season…is that possible? … … … any ways knowledge that there is an underground river with tunnels 3 z-levels deep (and  14 to go) and no river in site (already out of booze, and no plants that can grow outside) and my fishing supplies limited and dwarfs starting to starve.  I assigned a single dwarf of my original 7 to make a cross bow and some arrows and then sent one dwarf hunting.   With zombies afoot and other dangers I thought he would surly die (but dwarfs were starting to starve any ways).  By the time I realized the dwarf did not pick up his initial equipment it was too late, he was all the way across the map (using a skill I can’t interrupt).   I felt sad as the poor hungry dwarf ran around chasing and trying to wrestle a horse only to fail, return to the fort only to find no ale and half to drink out a of a dingy pond.   Thankfully he decided to pick up his ammo and xbow.  He proceeded to run after horses again, for some reason refusing to fire unless he was with in 2 squares of his target.  I found it funny after not being able to kill  a horse using a full quiver of bolts the hunter did run down the horse and wrestle it to death.  Finally food for my 13 dwarfs.  I butcher the horse and feed my fortress, I assume that this is temporary as no river = no farm, and the pools about do not seem to be large enough to support flooding a farming room, and thus no booze (which seems cruel) (though I may have to take that chance of attempting to flood a small room, failing and losing my only source of water:/).  At any rate that lone hunter has saved my fortress.  He has gone from peasant to hunter in a short amount of time, my three butcher shops can barley keep up with his output and he is doing well given he only has wood xbow and bone bolts.   Wait…o no… peasant was interrupted by a zombie goat, darn I knew this would happen…few the goats seem to of moved away from the fortress, wait where is my hunter, the sole provider of food for my fortress?  DOH he is out hunting with marauding zombie goats,  U, C o there he is hunting a horse …good...  A $$%& the herd of zombie goats found him and is in site,  please do not die, a lemming rush into a herd of undead goats is not the way a dwarf should go.  Well let’s see what this hunter has hmnnn, 45 horse bone bolts and about 5 goats cannot cancel the hunt and activating him probably will not help, he is too close to the enemy to really run (they goats look to be heading towards him).  I un-pause the game and the hunter is near the goats and starts unloading bolts ata high rate.  My jaw dropped I have never seen a dwarf with so much hatred for something to unload so many bolts so quickly he seemed to of unloaded all 45 bolts with 2 seconds (are xbows actually machine guns?)  I laughed my but off watching my hunter shoot bolts at such an insane rate  killing one or two goats and seriously injuring the rest,  I was concerned that the hunter would attempt to melee the rest but he walked back to the fort, picked up another stack of 40 or so bone bolts and went back to hunting horses…emptying his quiver again he has killed the remaining goats.  (which my peasants are content to bring to the fortress and store them near the slaughter house (apparently one of them wants to try undead meat ).  With the horse population exhausted my hunter is content with killing ground hogs.  Though I am concerned. he killed all the zombies, the zombie goats were not bothering my dwarfs too much and were not that menacing, hopefully something far worse (which I imagine will) will spawn (zombie carp in my two small water ponds? Zombie elephants?).   And with this hunter the sole source of food my dwarf’s things look grim, till I get the farm set up at least.  If nothing else dwarfs with no booze worries me, and I foresee and inevitable collapse of dwarven society.
For the record my hunter now has a dog now but he is so effective the dog never helps him and my hunter did take out the giant eagle.  Though I am worried what will happen to my fort once the ground hogs have been harvested for food…well there is plenty of prepared food lying around with only about 25 dwarfs at 2 food a season I could probably last 2-4 seasons with what is left on the map/stocks…let us hope something butcher able spawn before then.  Thanks to my hunter two I was able to trade two leather for one pig tail thread (how leather is less valuable than pig tail thread…)  and was able to weave it and create a well and my dwarfs are feeling better and drink faster.

Options:  hope wild game holds up until I hit the river
Option2:  drain my only two sources of water and risk not mudding enough soil to support a large enough farm.
Option3:  slaughter my cows/ muskoxs that came with my caravan
Option4:  slaughter my cats/dogs and anything else
Option5: look for more large game; construct an elaborate system of walls, stairs, channels and other things to create a wild life breeding pen/program (does not seem that viable) given my terrain.

update:
I finally decide to take the risk to drain my only two water supplies to build my farm and hope for the best,  so I mined out the room, build a flood gate, built lever forgot to build an extra mechanism, no problem plenty of stone and board dwarfs around twitchy for lack of alcohol.  The mechanism is complete and then I notice that an ironic message.   So and so has canceled drink: well has dried up.  My only two sources of water had evaporated moments before I was able to flood my farm.  I can just picture the conversation my dwarfs had

Dwarf A:  “ok boys, we have been what has seems like *twitch* forever *twitch* without *gulp* alcohol *a dwarf in the back snaps and runs off*  we are going to risk draining our only two water sources to build a farm as I for one would rather dehydrate to death than live a life without booze.”
Dwarfs “hmnn, what? Ale? quick do whatever he says”;
Some time latter
Dwarf B to dwarf a. “Sir we have completed the tunnel, mined out the farming room, built the flood gate, made the lever”
Dwarf A “finally!!!  We can will grow plump helmets and will have ale PRAISE THE MINNING GODS”
Dwarf b “there is a slight problem”
Dwarf A “… … …”
Dwarf b “the water…its evaporated we cannot longer flood the room”
*angry dwarf mob carriers the dwarf b away*

Well my fortress finally fell,
Was it the zombie goats? No
Was it the lack of booze/food? No
was it orcs? no
Did your water dry up? Yes but not the problem
Loading game,  runtime exception (sadist df moment ever)

[gtmattz]

Last night was attempting to 'dispatch' of a dwarf that had some nerve damage and would not train and in the process managed to command the other 9 champion axedwarves to stand around in the room with the one bad apple and did not realise my mistake until the magma release lever had been pulled and the wall of flaming death was on its way.  I managed to save one of the champions, which is now the sum total of my fortresses army, and so far she is doing rather well, considering.

[Kyronea]

So here I am putting together a Dwarven atom smasher to get rid of some of my excess stone due to lower FPS, and when I assign the lever to it to be pulled, one of my mechanics pulls it.

Course, before it actually falls, another mechanic walks right under it to dump another stone, and is promptly crushed.

What makes it funny? Dead dwarf is--was--the wife of the dwarf who crushed her.

[Amalgam]

I had an immigrant glassmaker get a strange mood and claim a glass furnace. I didn't have anything to make glass with or any bags to collect sand so I had to set up my leather industry first before I made some quick workshops in the hall. There were a *lot* of other things in the fort that needed tending to and I was devoting alot of effort to saving the little guy. I was in the process of making the glass he needed when he went insane. I built his coffin out of the very glass he sought, and gave him a bonus green glass portal leading into his 5x5 tomb, which I am in the process of smoothing.

He died just now and is the very first death I've had in my fort, and I've locked the engraver, who's been complaining about vermin since he got here and has had a red arrow the entire time while seemingly spending half the working day eating, drinking or sleeping, inside the tomb so he doesn't fuck around, and he's not coming out until he's done. It took me a while to realize how disturbing it is to lock someone in a room with no food or water with a dead guy. The coffin is translucent, too. Talk about a bad day.

[silhouette]

Pssst... the vermin hes talking about are the other dwarves.
Make him a high ranking noble!


And yeah that would be creepy, everything made of translucent glass.

[Amalgam]

He actually has a fairly noble-like personality, "Loves to take charge and direct activities," "He does not go out of his way to help others," "He would rather intimidate others than compromise with them."

Also, I just got another strange mood. Secretive, just like the last. And it's a glassmaker - the very glassmaker that constructed the glass coffin and replaced the old one.

DUN DUN DUN. (Fortunately, this one should survive :p)

[CobaltKobold]

Kinda funny how you need another glassmaker for one glassmaker's mood to properly complete..

[Quantum Toast]

A while back I had a mayor throw a tantrum after a failed mandate, smash some of his own furniture, and accidentally kill his only friend. He ended up in jail for a year with a red chest wound.

He was "quite content".

[MangyHobo]

Hey I noticed this topic might be dead but I had the most insain thing happen to me on DF 

It is on my volcano embark and it started with me picking Misc. object user on my hauler/peasent  FistFacer..
So Im waiting on a elf caravan to come beacuse I was needing leather (to lazy to tan) They finaly get here while I move all my (Gold) crafts to the depot and assign my trader. In the mean time I thought I might as well kill the badgers n other creeps in my land with JuiceBagHero my spear dwarf. I accedently clicked on the caravan guard and diddnt notice so JuiceBag comes up n just smokes the guard in the face with his spear.. (Wait it gets better) So the sexy youung elf merchant guard just so happens to be walking by my pump operater at the time while he is carrying a screw pump to be placed and attacks him! Next thing I know I look in the reports and see
"FistFacer latchs on to caravan guards left arm"
"Elf Caravan guard falls to the ground"
"FistFacer screws Elf Caravan Guard in the head and crush's the brain" <-- WTF!!

I have to say I had a good laugh at that one! Never thought he would use a screw pump as a weapon and at the time had no idea e was even carrying one!  XD

[kirrian]

So here I am putting together a Dwarven atom smasher to get rid of some of my excess stone due to lower FPS, and when I assign the lever to it to be pulled, one of my mechanics pulls it.

Course, before it actually falls, another mechanic walks right under it to dump another stone, and is promptly crushed.

What makes it funny? Dead dwarf is--was--the wife of the dwarf who crushed her.

It wasn't an accident! Jail the evil mechanic and have a public execution!  Blood for the Blood God!

[kirrian]

I have a fortress going on twenty-one years now.  Digging a huge circular pit in a 5x5 embark.  Down 12 levels and digging deeper (modified gen parameters to add 20 levels above first cavern).  Recently had a funny/sad event.

I had pen'd a giant eagle and a couple giant cougars along with a bunch of other animals on the surface outside the pit that had been 'donated' by an elven hippie caravan that 'mysteriously' encountered a goblin siege when the gate leading to the trade depot 'failed' to raise.

Just after the cougars had cubs (woohoo!), a minotaur showed up to ... throw a baby shower?  It first encountered the giant eagle.  I was hoping it would survive, but despite a good show, didn't.  The giant cougars then got into the act and all the moose and camel ran away.  The cougars caused a couple wounds and the minotaur started running away.  Impossible!  Yes... she turned back and charged one of the giant cougars.  This series when on for a good half hour (No... I didn't send my military in).  The log
showed the minotaur dodging the cougars attacks quite a lot, but it seemed anytime the minotaur got hit it would flee for a few tiles then turn around.  Eventually she got an excellent hit and obliterated the skull of one of the cougars (the female unfortunately).  The other giant cougar had been severely injured and excused himself from the party a few minutes before.

I figured enough was enough and now was time to introduce my military to a more challenging foe than the squishy goblins and humans (who had taken offense at getting one of their law-givers skewered by a goblin spear) they had been training with.  So out of the pit they rush, and the first hammerdwarf to reach the minotaur caused it to explode into quite a few minotaur pieces.  Very anti-climactic.  I was hoping for an epic fight with at least a few casualties.

I lost a giant eagle, a female giant cougar, to a silly minotaur, and all I got was a couple peeved dwarfs who didn't like their 'long' military duty (like a few game days, I think, cause it took them that long to climb out of the pit).  On an up note... I did save the three giant cougar cubs!  Two girls and a male.  Yay!

-- Edit to fix formatting... doh!

[jc6036]

Adventure mode. I bit a gobbos foot off and killed him. After leaving the site, I traveled quite a bit. The next time I went in for a bite, I got the message that I had dropped the foot and attacked. It turns out that I carried the foot in my mouth half way across the continent.

[MangyHobo]

Adventure mode. I bit a gobbos foot off and killed him. After leaving the site, I traveled quite a bit. The next time I went in for a bite, I got the message that I had dropped the foot and attacked. It turns out that I carried the foot in my mouth half way across the continent.

Now thats pretty funny.. I cant imagine what goblin foot would taste like.. never mind half month old goblin foot! XD

[kirrian]

Adventure mode. I bit a gobbos foot off and killed him. After leaving the site, I traveled quite a bit. The next time I went in for a bite, I got the message that I had dropped the foot and attacked. It turns out that I carried the foot in my mouth half way across the continent.

Now thats pretty funny.. I cant imagine what goblin foot would taste like.. never mind half month old goblin foot! XD

And just think what people must have been whispering as he walked by.... "Is that a goblin foot in his mouth? Disgusting!"  "Someone give him a sandwich for Armok's sake!"  "Run children!  Its crazed dwarf nibbling on filthy disgusting *rotted goblin foot*!!!"