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Author Topic: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress  (Read 210789 times)

CobaltKobold

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #255 on: January 21, 2009, 08:29:11 pm »

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magic dwarf

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #256 on: January 21, 2009, 08:30:52 pm »

It won't let me access his kill list for some reason.

Mephisto

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #257 on: January 21, 2009, 11:18:21 pm »

How about his jail time, assuming you had the requisite noble and said noble is still alive?
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newguy12354

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #258 on: January 21, 2009, 11:33:45 pm »

An elven caravan appears on the edge of the map to come and trade me stuff. I put all my most precious items in the bargain to make sure to get a rope for my well and a few useful things, but all they have and I mean it are threads...Every kind of threads...HOW SAD MY CLOTHIER WENT INSANE A FEW MONTHS AGO, so well, I try to trade them for it, but since I am poor, I cannot afford lots of them. After the trade is succesful, I go back in my fortress and start working around when one of my mule attracts a goblin ambush! Finally some action! I put my woodcutters on kill mode, my hunters on snipe mode and my recruits on meatshield mode, yay! The elven caravan is attacked first and they run! They run from a pathetic group of 4 goblins(3 wrestlers and a spearman) while my army is coming out! I give the order that only soldiers are allowed outside, so everyone, but my army rushes inside! As the elves run away they fall in another ambush! But I am still superior, 21 dwarves to 16 goblins and most of the new goblins are not even real fighters, they don't have a title, so I am sure this will be an epic win with few loss. Fight goes on, blood everywhere, bodies of goblin and elven traders everywhere and no loss on my side! Woot! Until gem cutter has drown...WHAT????? 21 soldiers, 3 are trained, the others are meatshield, and the goblins threw a random gem cutter in the river? WHAT??? Anyway, he was not important so I put my army back into civilians and scavenge the deads only to find THREADS AND THREADS AND THREADS! So yeah, I traded my most costly goods for absolutely nothing cause of course, the few traders alive are those WITH MY STUFF!!!!
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Duckmeister

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #259 on: January 23, 2009, 02:37:59 pm »

How bout the time I sent two of my legendary wrestlers to deal with a thief who just walked in the front door, they stop eating, sucker punch him and then go back to eating like nothing happened.
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manored

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #260 on: January 23, 2009, 05:37:20 pm »

http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1055-championgoestotown

I think it was just his time of the month
Always make legendary fighters in pairs so they can cancel each other in case of unsatisfaction :)
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Plank of Wood

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #261 on: January 23, 2009, 05:41:44 pm »

A named slugman which wiped out my entire fortress, including 3 uber champions, a squad of marksdwarves, a captive dragon and anything that got in his way.

Slugmen are EPIC in this Worldgen.
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manored

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #262 on: January 23, 2009, 05:44:46 pm »

You should have caged him :)
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Plank of Wood

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #263 on: January 23, 2009, 06:46:47 pm »

He was already too deep into the fortress at that point. I decided the only thing that could stop him was to re-open a sealed HFS. The demons did spew forth, finally destroying the slugman. However the slugman had one last trick to play, his body was hit with such force that the flying torso hit and consequently killed my last remaining champion.
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wigwam

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #264 on: January 24, 2009, 04:00:59 am »

So I found adamantine, and soon after, my queen arrived. Problem was, my population was at 23 at this point, so I wasn't equipped for her monumental demands. Naturally, because my mayor has a bedroom and cabinet, she flips out and kills some poor sod's cat while tantruming. Now, that wasn't the bad part, nor was the fact that she "took joy in slaughter lately."

It was that in her inventory, she had a single spatter of cat blood on her. On her mouth.

Poor cat.
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Ieb

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #265 on: January 24, 2009, 08:53:47 am »

Well. I haven't had any megabeast visits in my forts for a while, which may be because I tend to gen new worlds and/or make new forts because of a sudden idea or loss of interest.

Strapoars, it was a nice little place. Notice the past tense. It had a booming stonecrafting industry of obsidian crafts, a number of metalworkers, and a population of 96. The human caravan had just arrived, and had found everything edible within their wagons purchased and stored. But then, disaster struck.

"Something the Skeletal Dragon has arrived!"

A skeletal megabeast. Huh. Well, no biggie, I thought. I had an army of 10, 5 champions, 3 elites and 2 marksdwarves. I figured that they would be enough to defeat this menace to the dwarven life. However...

My militia had problems grouping. While one half, and the marksdwarves were more than eager to place themselves to position to welcome the beast(I hadn't thought of making traps in the entrance. I decided to learn from the mistakes of the past, and am doing so in my current fort in the same world), the other half...

One champion was guarding my armor and weapon stockpiles, where a year ago I had stationed them because they kept doing things other than picking up the equipment I wanted them to wear, chain and plate mail. Another was guarding my mayors room, where they had been stationed two years prior due to a miserable stoneworker, in case he decided to go berserk and wreck havoc(never happened).

So I had only half my forces ready to fight the enemy. No biggie, I figured. How bad could it be?

Turns out that a skeletal dragon could be very, very bad. I think the fact that to add survivablity to the mega(and semimega-)beasts, I gave them all CAN_LEARN. I imagine it had a part to the following events.

My champions charged the dragon, and through the spitfire they went, unharmed while my marksdwarves began pelting the creature with bolts. Of course it being skeletal, I figure the best the thing could have done was to act as targetpractice.

And then things got ugly. A problem I have with my military, is that I always just pick people in it without checking, and things like "Champion has given birth to a baby boy/girl" tends to happen more than often. The dragon went for the baby, and after a brutal display of skeletal powers, I had a lovely mention of a dead baby. The mother ran away, but not before the dragon set her on fire from the behind. Seconds later, it killed my other champion, and went for the marksdwarves, who proved to be no match for the creature.

I should mention at this time, that the champions, while iron-armored, were all equipped with bronze hammers, that I had made and given them as practice weapons. In hindsight, it was probably a stupid idea.

It descended to the next level, where a number of civilians were simply hanging out, and in one swift move, it bid hello with a wave of fire. So many civilians were set on fire that it wasn't even funny. Smoke filled the corridor, and the burning dwarves only helped to spread the fog of war. The few champions that had refused to guard with the previous squad attacked the dragon, and all of them vanished into the smoke. Everything and everyone I could see was burning, and those who weren't, I had no idea where they were due to the smoke. I was hoping to see "Skeletal dragon has died" or anything similar, but no such announcement showed up, although the dozens of messages of dwarves cancelling things due to being on fire and so on sort of distracted me.

At one point I was sure that the thing had perished, but a wave of fire which bursted from the smoke told otherwise. The battle went on, and finally a champion who had been sleeping decided to join the fray. The surviving three cornered the dragon, and began what had to be a furious battle, but to no avail. They were getting tired, over-exerted, and the Dragon had lost but one leg and received a few small wounds, fractured bones and so on.

Meanwhile, the fortress was going downhill and fast. People were sad or miserable from all the burning, death, decay of friends and of course, the smoke. The champions weren't doing so well either. The Dragon finally caught one of them, and tore off his leg, and I was down to two conscious champions, one which was shortly after set on fire.

It was at this point that I realized that the fort was doomed. And when faced with certain doom, there is only one thing left to do. Recruit everyone, and hope for the best. With everyone still alive a new recruit, they charged the dragon, who was making beef jerky out of the unconscious champion.

Needless to say, a large group of unarmed civilian now-soldiers were not doing much. I can just imagine the coughing dwarves, tears in their eyes from the smoke, death and fear, pounding feebly on the skeletal horror as it picked them off one by one.

However, suddenly they all stopped. There were no more announcements of recruits being struck down, and even after checking the unit list, the dragon was not on it. I must've missed it, I figured, and checked again, but no dragon in Hostile. I dared to look, and there it was, among the deceased.

Strapoars was a fortress of 96 dwarves the day the dragon arrived. After all was over, 28 were left. Now, I am a man who likes a challenge. Even thrives on it, which is why I added some challenge to the game by modification to the beasts, but Strapoars was finished. This was simply because the burning people had done the worst thing possible, and decided to go for a drink. Since I still had all my food in a single room(the fortress wasn't even that old), I found alcohol barrels exploding, and foodstuffs catching on fire. Even the most brazen of dwarves fell to their knees and screamed when they heard that the alcohol was all gone.

Shortly after, everyone packed up their things and left Strapoars, smoke from the dead still billowing from within its corridors.



I checked the history soon after, to see just who was that dwarf of dwarves who struck down the beast which doomed my fort. It didn't turn out to be Kol, or Zuglar, or any single dwarf. The dragon had died after catching on fire, and burning to ashes. I would like to think that a burning dwarf did the world a favour, and after being set on fire, charged the beast in one blaze of glory, saving the lives of everyone else.

Lensfilled is my current fort in the world, where the mistakes of the past will be eliminated. I will still continue purchasing fine art from caravans, which have elves striking down humans and so on. But at least I know, that never more, will a skeletal dragon threaten my fort.

Unless all dead dragons can rise as skeletons. I'm not really sure how it works.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2009, 08:57:09 am by Ieb »
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Brandinat0r

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #266 on: January 24, 2009, 09:20:12 am »

This just happened to me, I had an elven carvan come and unload their goods, after that I've made floodgates infront of the entrance to make them mad.

And of course one of my dwarves got trapped with them, stupid idiots.

Well after some time one had gone berserk and killed a donkey and was hurting the other elve. Then suddenly the second donkey got berserk and killed my dwarf and the two elves in there.

Damn donkeys.

Now I've linked a lever to the floodgates for the next carvan to come.

Har.




EDIT:

OMG I just learned to NEVER make your giant wall outside rely on trees, I accidentaly marked them as being chopped and my woodcutter did his job.
one month later I got sieged and all the goblins happily walked straight into my fortress using the backdoor instead of the trapped main entrance.
They're killing EVERYTING inside


EDIT2:

They just ran away, I'm being prepared for a tantrumspiral which is bound to happen
« Last Edit: January 24, 2009, 09:39:41 am by Brandinat0r »
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LegacyCWAL

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #267 on: January 24, 2009, 12:50:47 pm »

The dwarf caravan just killed my spiffy new guard animals.

I used to have war dogs chained at my entrance to spot (and subsequently kill) thieves, but I captured, tamed, and began breeding some cave crocodies.  "Awesome!" I thought, "guard crocodiles are so much cooler than guard dogs!"

Turns out that if you tell the caravan that something like a cave croc is tame, they don't believe you.  The wagon drivers ran over one and started beating on it.  Yes, they attacked a crocodile while driving a goddamn wagon.  Then the caravan guards came and butchered the crocs.  And because they were tame, the poor crocs didn't even fight back.

Now the guard dogs are back at the entrance :'(
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Duckmeister

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #268 on: January 24, 2009, 01:22:11 pm »

The dwarf caravan just killed my spiffy new guard animals.

I used to have war dogs chained at my entrance to spot (and subsequently kill) thieves, but I captured, tamed, and began breeding some cave crocodies.  "Awesome!" I thought, "guard crocodiles are so much cooler than guard dogs!"

Turns out that if you tell the caravan that something like a cave croc is tame, they don't believe you.  The wagon drivers ran over one and started beating on it.  Yes, they attacked a crocodile while driving a goddamn wagon.  Then the caravan guards came and butchered the crocs.  And because they were tame, the poor crocs didn't even fight back.

Now the guard dogs are back at the entrance :'(

Shows you how evil those stupid elves are, they should be wiped from the face of the earth, or wherever DF is.
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Astus Ater

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #269 on: January 24, 2009, 02:38:39 pm »

The dwarf caravan just killed my spiffy new guard animals.


Shows you how evil those stupid elves are, they should be wiped from the face of the earth, or wherever DF is.

What did elves have to do with any of this? Are we all really turning into bearded McCarthy's?
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