here it is. I'm somewhat angry right now and I'm taking it out on you guys. Yes, you.
PLAYER ACTIONS!
I wait for the first goblin to come near me, and swing diagonally down at the goblin, hoping to separate some major parts of its body.
2(+0): you just stand there, dumbfounded.
I consider the goblins a threat to my existence. I summon several (as many as I can) Dire Porcupines, that will, upon appearing, shoot needles at the goblins. (Note to self - treating that ankle should also help)
5(+0): You summon (2d4-2=) 3 dire porcupines. When will you get a bad roll? Grrr...
I grab the cobblestone dagger; Hopefully from the not-pointy end.
1(+0): You somehow stab the dagger through your hand, completely ruining it and causing a lot of bleeding. Man you suck.
Being a martial artist, I attempt to go into a martial trance, which would negate the swarm bonus. I can only attack/defend while in the trance, though.
3(+0): You do quite well, but then you think of something ridiculously funny and burst out laughing.
I charge at a goblin shoulder first, wario style
2: You charge at a goblin swordsman like a madman. Goblin gets counterattack before you strike at +1 bonus.
5(4+1): He hits you in a vital area! +1 damage roll!
4(3+1): Congratulations! You are now a proud owner of a gaping hole in your chest where you left kidney used to be! And as a bonus, you are now suffering from heavy bleeding!
I duck behind the rest of the people, using them as shields, and attempt to put on my armor, having realized that just holding it would do nothing except burden me.
4(+0): Although you don't actually have any armor, you manage to run to the other end of the room and hide in a corner, as insofar as a hemispherical room has corners. Consider yourself spared from the coming goblin onslaught for this round.
Being that I'm all clericey and stuff, I move away from the goblins, towards the pile of weapons and armor that Mulch succeeded in killing himself with. I try to find some clericey type equipment.
4(+0): You find a mace(+1 damage) and a suit of iron armor along with a shield(+1 block).
I try to turn myself into a zombie so I can still kill the enemys
5(+0): RAAAAGGGHH! I HUNGER FOR THE FLESH AND SOULS OF THOSE WHO HAVE WRONGED ME! You move like normal but are unable to use magic abilities. All magic harms you, including healing magic.
I pick up and equip the furry loincloth.
5(+0): You are wearing more than just a furry loincloth. You are wearing the essence of the furry loincloth. It is the great force that drives forward all of civilization, yet it's greatest expression is the primitive scream of rage bellowing from you. You're a lot tougher than most now, and can withstand a lot more damage than the rest of the cast. See poor yougiedeggs' chest wound? Wouldn't slow you down more than a sprained wrist at most.
I search thoroughly in the trapdoor compartment for anything useful to me.
6(+0): You search through the compartment with such incredible speed that you literally tear through the clothing. Eventually you find a Ring of the Assassin, which gives a bonus on hide check made in shadows. Unfortunately, in your mad search, you got tangled in the various clothes and cannot move easily, if at all.
I put as many people between me and the goblins as possible and meditate on defense.
1(+0): You jump at an axegoblin! Unfortunately, you miscalculate and hit your head on the roof! You fall towards the axegoblin!
DODGE ROLL!
2(+0): The axegoblin is picking his nose and doesn't notice you! WHAM!
DAMAGE ROLL!
6(+0): SPLAT! Bits and pieces of goblin are strewn about, thanks to your incredible weight hitting him suddenly.
Unfortunately, you are now prone and unable to do much anything. -1 to block, as if the swarming rules weren't enough...
I put on my armour and wait for a Toronto bound jumbo jet to crash through the roof.
2(+0):You put on your armor and wait. Nothing happens.
Again, I smash at the ground with my flail with all my might.... IN ATTEMPT TO SEND THESE GOD DAMN GOBLINS FLYING!
7(6+1): KYSELINA SMASH! Your flail hits with the force of a meteor striking the earth! Your rage knows no limits! The gods quake before you! No mortal can match the destruction caused by a single swing of a flail you make! I'm even hitting the keys on my keyboard harder than normal! No sentence in this paragraph is without an exclamation mark! Have I got my point across about the incredible force you hit the ground with yet?! GOOD! BECAUSE YOU CAUSED AN AREA-OF-EFFECT EXPLOSION OF COBBLESTONES! 5d4= 13 FRIGGING COBBLESTONES! UNLUCKY NUMBER! YOU GET HIT BY FIVE OF THEM! BLOCK ROLL, WITH SWARM RULE IN EFFECT!
3+(1+1+1): You block, but it hurts like heck!
5(4+1+1-1): You block that one as well!
6(6+1+1-2): That one goes flying away and towards Sean Mirrsen because I don't like his luck.
0(1+1+1-3): ARGH! Broken collarbone and a broken jaw! Very nasty injuries! Heavy internal bleeding!
1(3+1+1-4): HEAD TRAUMA ROLL!
5: you avoid serious head trauma, but you're still woozy. Minus -1 to all rolls for 2 rounds! That is, this round and the next one.
I put my armour on
5(+0): You put your armor on. You look somewhat intimidating, but that won't help you because it's only a fraction of a bonus.
NPC ACTIONS!
COBBLESTONE FUN TIMES AHEAD!
1d8 = 7 cobblestones veer toward the goblins! The last one simply strikes the wall.
COBBLESTONE ALPHA REPORTING IN!
2(+0): The goblin completely fails to dodge and the cobblestone hits him!
DAMAGE ROLL!
6(+0): The spinning cobblestone strikes the goblin in the head! It explodes into gore!
3(+0): The goblin just so dodges the cobblestone!
6(+0): The goblin dodges into the wall!
DAMAGE ROLL!
6(+0): It makes a nice abstract red-colored mural on the wall!
1(+0): The goblin stares dumbfounded at the rock hurtling towards him.
DAMAGE ROLL AT +1 BONUS!
3(2+1): Smack! Broken left arm!
5(+0): The cobblestone strikes the goblin in the chest!
DAMAGE ROLL!
3(+0): A broken rib. That is all, gentlemen.
6:(+0): The cobblestone expertly fits into the open mouth of the goblin!
DAMAGE ROLL AT +1 BONUS!
7(6+1): KABLAMMO! The cobblestone goes straight through like a legendary miner through rock!
5(+0): The cobblestone strikes yet another goblin. Why is it that my minions are dropping like flies?!
DAMAGE ROLL!
5(+0): Alright, this is pissing me off. All of you will
die. Like this goblin just did. That's, what, one dodge out of seven? And two survivors out of six? What sort of bewitchery is this? Grrr...
COBBLESTONE STRIKE GROUP BETA, REPORTING IN!
Hehehehe... I didn't forget that one was headed towards Sean...
1(+0): No! NO! THIS CANNOT BE! I AM INVIN- no wait, that last part doesn't fit...
GO GO GOBLIN RANGERS!
Grrr... There are 54 goblins left. Yes, you read that right. 54 goblins. You're all gonna die. Problem is, I can't finish this turn right now. Don't even think of queuing up any actions until I've rolled over a hundred dice and posted the results. Grrr...